Gatlinburg... More Like Craplinburg!

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captianoats

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Long story short, my wife and I came to Gatlinburg with my parents (my parents wanted to take my wife and I on a vacation to celebrate my wife finishing college) and they wanted to come here.... So here I am, sitting on the deck of my hotel, looking over the miles and miles of taffy pull stores, "Ye Olde Time Photo" stores, $4.99 T-shirt stores, and indoor mini golf courses. Somewhere, far in the distance, is the beautiful Smoky Mountains that truly are beautiful, but I can't see them over the neon lights.

All I keep thinking is "Man, I can't believe these candy stores are wasting all this sugar on taffy and fudge. Don't they know with yeast they can turn it into something useful?"

For those of you that have never been honored with a trip to this tourist trap, think Vegas... Minus casinos, bars, nightlife, and about 50 times the kids.
 
P.S. Does anyone know of a place on the strip to buy a good six pack of brew? I can't find anything but Hard Rock and Applebees, and everyone knows that equeals warm bud light :(
 
Holy ****, after looking at the beers, I've actually been to this brewpub!! The one in Knoxville, at least...it had pretty good beers and excellent chicken wings :D
 
Did calhouns go out of business?

Just about the last thing on the left as you go out of town.

There is Smoky Mtn Brewery right behind that...
 
My parents used to take me there every year in October, on the way back to Ohio to visit the relatives.

The place is great from a kid's point of view. As an adult... well, I think I'm with you. I'd rather be out enjoying the Smokies.
 
dude, gatlinburg is a joke. the best thing you might find is a winery. im a wine guy, but fruit wine, so basically im a beer guy that doesnt want to make beer cuz its not strong enough if youre going to the trouble to make something.

but seroiusly, go to pisgah forest and hike to looking glass. you will not regret it i promise
 
dude, gatlinburg is a joke.

but seroiusly, go to pisgah forest and hike to looking glass. you will not regret it i promise

i lived in Knoxville for a time and would go to Galtlinburg to snowboard occasionally if i didn't have the time/money to drive to Boone. That place definitely sucks. The only positives are the hiking around it. I had an epic hiking trip about 20 mins outside of Gatlinburg a few years back.
 
I'm glad to see I'm not alone in this. I did find go to the brewery, they have an excellent porter and a really good pale ale. The winery was average at best.

She told me they brew all of their fruit wines as extracts, says that's the only way they "they don't end up with brandy" Silly tourists towns.
 
Personally, I am very grateful for Gatlingburg. It keeps you tacky crap tourists out of my area of the Appalachains. :D
 
What did you weenies think Gatlingburg was? A magical place with rainbows and unicorns? It's a tourist trap, a place to go to spend lot's of money. Not unlike thousands of other places in the USA.
 
I used to go thru the Smokeys several times a year, always over the top on 444, but it was 10-15 years ago.

Back then, Pigeon forge was the worst thing I had ever seen, or could ever imagine. A mini Vegas strip of the lowest form of tourist traps, with every conceivable fast food joint within every mile, for miles and miles on end. It was like a Daytona Beach of 'bleh'. It can't have gotten any better.

It was a godsend to get to Gatlinburg, but I rarely stepped out of the vehicle within the city limits. It reminds me of Mackinaw Island, with less water and more hills. An 8 year old's delight, with the cheesy attractions, taffy and fudge.

BUT, the rivers are made of boulders, on a steep angle going down the mountain, right next to the road, pretty much the whole way on both sides of the mountain. Clingman's Dome, Mt Mitchell, Pisgah and the Blue Ridge Trail going NE is killer. Mt Michell is the tallest peak east of the Mississippi.

Alpine.

The 'Burg' is grossly over rated, but you can't say enough about the land.
 
I went there for my honeymoon.. all i could find was a couple wineries.. and a place called the Fox and Parrot Tavern.. its in the arts and crafts district.. they had a few decent things on tap there.. at least they did when I was there.. they are a traditional english pub so look for just english stuff on tap.
 
+1 w/Henry Hill

Gatlinburg is god-awful toursty - but out the back door....heaven. Take some time to wander the forest, hike a few trails. Clean out your lungs. Drop down into Townsend and go up to Cade's Cove - it's a drive-thru of the 1800s with several parking spots to walk up and see old cabins, a working mill.
 
The Fox and Parrot is pretty good and plenty weird, good beers though. The Ship was also pretty good. Smokey mountain Brewery was a fun place and the brewer was really great. He gave me a very in depth tour of his whole fascility and thought it was awesome that I homebrewed and that it was legal and not 'shinin.

Other than that, the only shining star you can cling to is the little cuban place that I can't remember the name of.

The Smokey's were beautiful, but I will never go back. Ever.
 
We are going here in July with another couple. They go every year so I'm curious to see what keeps drawing them back. I've already contacted the brewery about tours and was also told to call the brewer on our way down. I'm trying to get in on a brew to help out. I am just looking forward to the long weekend. Only thing I WANT to do is the brewery, and one round of laser tag. after that I'm along for the ride. We will also have 2 very small children (my 9 month old and their 3 month old , will be 11 months and 5 months during the trip) with us.
 
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