My wife thinks i'm going crazy...

SO every time i try to stir up a conversation with my wife about OG, types of yeast, sparging technique etc, she stares at me with a blank look, and then proceeds to tell me she is sick of hearing about brewing, and is seriously worried about my obsession with brewing...... lol. She can't understand how i can read forums literally for hours just dreaming about brewing while not actually brewing. She has no idea why i would go and stare at Co2 bubbling through airlocks several times of day, or why now when we go to the grocery store, i have an active interest spending a great deal of time in the baking/spice sections that previously were unknown to me.

My wife really doesn't care for beer... but she does like wine. So i decided to make some homemade wine for her (if i can get her interested in the subject, my brewing budget should increase SUBSTANTIALLY =))... so that is the plan.

Its not that she really minds all the recent brewing activity, but i was thinking what a great hobby we could share together if only i could get her interested. She isn't much of a drinker at all (maybe once every couple months), so this could be tough.

Has anyone ever converted their anti-brewing wife? Or am i fighting an uphill battle?

I have been fighting the same battle for months! I'm not winning either, getting pretty much the same response as you...

You are my dopplegannger... I think we all all have problems. My wife is a Miller lite drinker. I brewed a DBIPA and she made the comment that I never brew anything she likes. I can not ferment lager so a Miller lite is out of the question so I go with a kolsh. One sip..... it us ok but I will just drink my Miller lite. Ahhhhhhhh

My wife hates the smell, so I brew exclusively in the garage. I don't think she really likes me brewing as much as I do, or cares that I am as into as I am. o well I like spending time in the garage. If I keep a cream ale around she is happy but now she wants it on nitro.

My advice: let it die.

Don't be surprised if she is also uninterested in winemaking...many people like products but not processes. I tend to get obsessed with any topic that involves food and craftsmanship (beer, wine, cheese, sausage, pizza, baguette, and the list goes on and on and on). My wife enjoys the results but only tolerates the journey, the learning, the process, the execution.

At first I couldn't understand how someone could NOT be interested in such fascinating topics. Then I met some model train enthusiasts. They can have their hobby all to themselves. I will enjoy observing the fruits of their labors for 45 minutes a year with my train-obsessed son.

I hope train folk get as big of a buzz from trains as I do from converting my gas grill into a brick oven. But if a friend wanted to talk about trains every time we got together, I'd be polite but steer the conversation in a different direction. If his solution was, like yours, to find a related activity I might enjoy more, say RC Cars, I would do my best to accommodate him, but chances are slim I would develop a new obsession.

Most people can be converted, no matter how much they claim to not like beer, or if they drink light beers only. I've have a few friends and co-workers who made these claims, but it was just a matter of finding a gateway beer.

My neighbor recently started brewing and his wife claims to not like beer, but she does like apfelwein. I gave him Ed's recipe (which she loves) and now his budget has increased and he has permission to put taps into the spare fridge.

Don't give up!

Facts being told, it doesn't matter what the hobby is, women will always either embrace her man's hobby and go on their merry way or hate it to the point that it becomes the topic of arguements. The other fact here is that, if your your married and brewing beer every weekend, you're probaby not devoting enough time to her, which is more important in the long run. Good luck on your endeavors.

Z

Her obsession is clothes shopping/fashion. Always has been. She has been very good about understanding that I just don't care about it. I do my best to offer a substantive opinion when she models her new outfit for me even though I don't really care unless it shows some skin. And she is good about having family and girlfriends to share that obsession with. We have other interests that we share.

So when I started brewing I tried to have the same consideration for her. I try to brew stuff that she will like, mostly to no avail, but I try not to bother her too much about the process because she just doesn't care.

It works for us. She can go shop while I'm home brewing. Maybe you could encourage your wife to more actively pursue one of her interests that could become an obsession of her own.

wait until you have kids, and you have to ask when you can brew so that she can watch the kid. makes it tougher, cause now you are affecting her time.

that being said my wife has been understanding, frustrated at times, but she enjoys the end result. i can tell when i'm pushing it. balance.

We do spend plenty of quality time together. We both have hobbies but i was trying to find something we could both enjoy together.... The way i see it is, the only things worthwhile in life you have to fight for.... so i will continue on the path towards brewing enlightenment, and encourage her to as well, while not being too persistent. Rome wasn't built in a day, and converting a non brewer could take some time. I'm not giving up that easily

I think one of the comments regarding finding a "gateway beer" is a good strategy...



Keep fighting the good fight.....

akimbo78 said:

wait until you have kids, and you have to ask when you can brew so that she can watch the kid. makes it tougher, cause now you are affecting her time.

that being said my wife has been understanding, frustrated at times, but she enjoys the end result. i can tell when i'm pushing it. balance.

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Ha! So true... I now have to brew on my time i.e. in the evening or some other non family time

Sardoman said:

Her obsession is clothes shopping/fashion. Always has been. She has been very good about understanding that I just don't care about it. I do my best to offer a substantive opinion when she models her new outfit for me even though I don't really care unless it shows some skin. And she is good about having family and girlfriends to share that obsession with. We have other interests that we share.

So when I started brewing I tried to have the same consideration for her. I try to brew stuff that she will like, mostly to no avail, but I try not to bother her too much about the process because she just doesn't care.

It works for us. She can go shop while I'm home brewing. Maybe you could encourage your wife to more actively pursue one of her interests that could become an obsession of her own.

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I am definitely going to be steering her away from shopping as a hobby.... LOL Well, at least as much as possible.....

My wife caught me sniffing the airlock one morning.. I felt like a pervert when she got through laughing at me..lol but i still do it when she ain't around

Both my husband and I have interests and obsessions that, when we talk about it, makes the other get that glazed over look of "that's nice dear". He loves the beer I make, but obsessive brew talk, not so much.

I love how the "deer in the headlights" look comes across MOST people's faces when they want to talk to me about brewing not just the wife's. The problems everyone is having is NOT as isolated as they think.

I have been working to get my wife involed with brewing for over a year, closer to 2. I went so far even as to make a batch up and tried to get her to pour the yeast in, technically making her a brewer... yet another glorious crash and burn... then it slowly happened... I started going to homebrew club meetings.

It only took me coming home talking about socializing and trying new beers INSTEAD OF BREWING DIRECTLY one time and she wanted to come to the next meeting to check it out. Next month we go to the meeting and have a GREAT time. The next day she brings up how much fun we had and I ask if she wanted to become a member. She took a few minutes and then agreed.

A few months go by and she is reminding me "to bottle a few up for the meeting" and is looking to a hobby that is not brewing. I had been planting the seeds of starting a hobby that produces something, like homebrewing. She really wanted a hobby that was what homebrewing is to me, for herself. We talked about cheese and she had tried a few others that she did NOT like. Then after a few well designed subtle hints, she wanted to try soap making. She did and loved it.

Now she "babbles at lengths" about soap making, the processes and equipment. I have a minor understanding of what is going on but I let her do her thing and she lets me do mine. This gives us each the unique perspective of "what it is like to be the other person". We are still in the homebrew club and she has no interest outside the club (and drinking it) about homebrewing and I feel much the same about soap.

Her soaps are great, get me clean and make me smell good. I have no interest in ever making a batch, it is just not "my thing". We both have a good laugh when one of us gets lost in the others "hobby babble" and that just goes with the territory of being passionate about something.

In my experience I would suggest you try to encourage ANY product producing hobby and see what happens.

Shes jeolous,tell her you infatuated with brewing not in love with it. They(generally) dont like when your more interested in something else and giving your attenention and excitment to it. Sniff her like your airlock,throw hops into her shampoo if you have to.

Seriously though,you can actually make soaps and shampoos with beer or hops.Not to mention the things you can do with spent grains.
Maybe she will think differently after trying your beers over time-maybe its just an adjustment she needs time to get familar with.

Fighting the same battle here. I get most of my brewing done when she is at school. Will have to get a batch of Apfelwein going for her and hopefully smooth the waters for bigger equipment.

Fortunately my supports my new found love of brewing. I'm going on my fourth extract kit. It has been nice, however she thought it was something you could just set and leave. So I explained the process and when it came time for brew day #1 it was mayhem trying to keep a 16 month old and a 2 1/2 year old from trying to grab everything and anything they could get to. Other than that she's liked everything I've brewed. She doesn't like the smell, so I told her she could get me a burner and new kettle or dont complain. So, now there are no more complaints about smell. I was really hoping for the burner and kettle. I'll take it though.

*my wife

My wife has told me recently that I talk way too much about brewing and it seems that all I want to talk about is brewing. I now find myself catching myself and trying hard not to talk about the subject. I have gotten her to brew a batch of cream ale the other day and she seems to be interested. She likes to bottle cause she knows its only a matter of a couple weeks before she gets to enjoy the fruits of her labor. Its tough but keep on keeping on. It will get better.

This happened to me a few years ago when I started surfcasting. I started slowly and and then went full bore. $400 rods, $900 and $600 reels, more equipment then you could shake a stick at. She could care less. I try and talk to her about it and I get the blank look.

It has started now with brewing. I can't do all the equipment due to lack of space so she is lucky in that respect. But with this website, reading books and searching recipes she gets the familiar far off stare. She does like my beer occasionally but she could kind of care less about the whole process although some of it she finds interesting it is not enough to sit and brew with me.

nattron said:

You are my dopplegannger... I think we all all have problems. My wife is a Miller lite drinker. I brewed a DBIPA and she made the comment that I never brew anything she likes. I can not ferment lager so a Miller lite is out of the question so I go with a kolsh. One sip..... it us ok but I will just drink my Miller lite. Ahhhhhhhh

Click to expand...

Try using cali lager yeast- I did an anchor steam clone on the basement floor(65-68 deg) and worked great. The recipe was a schlitz clone that turned out exceptional for a gateway beer...

Hodmokrin said:

SO every time i try to stir up a conversation with my wife about OG, types of yeast, sparging technique etc, she stares at me with a blank look, and then proceeds to tell me she is sick of hearing about brewing, and is seriously worried about my obsession with brewing...... lol. She can't understand how i can read forums literally for hours just dreaming about brewing while not actually brewing. She has no idea why i would go and stare at Co2 bubbling through airlocks several times of day, or why now when we go to the grocery store, i have an active interest spending a great deal of time in the baking/spice sections that previously were unknown to me.

My wife really doesn't care for beer... but she does like wine. So i decided to make some homemade wine for her (if i can get her interested in the subject, my brewing budget should increase SUBSTANTIALLY =))... so that is the plan.

Its not that she really minds all the recent brewing activity, but i was thinking what a great hobby we could share together if only i could get her interested. She isn't much of a drinker at all (maybe once every couple months), so this could be tough.

Has anyone ever converted their anti-brewing wife? Or am i fighting an uphill battle?

Click to expand...

I have the exact same situation. Fortunately, I can brew outdoors year round so I stay out of the kitchen.

I work hard during the week, I keep the lights on and the family fed, so she stays out of my obsession.

Just mention to her sometime that you are considering giving up the hobby and just sitting at the bar all night like the other guys. She'll realize the benefits quickly.

Franc103 said:

My advice: let it die.

Don't be surprised if she is also uninterested in winemaking...many people like products but not processes. I tend to get obsessed with any topic that involves food and craftsmanship (beer, wine, cheese, sausage, pizza, baguette, and the list goes on and on and on). My wife enjoys the results but only tolerates the journey, the learning, the process, the execution.

At first I couldn't understand how someone could NOT be interested in such fascinating topics. Then I met some model train enthusiasts. They can have their hobby all to themselves. I will enjoy observing the fruits of their labors for 45 minutes a year with my train-obsessed son.

I hope train folk get as big of a buzz from trains as I do from converting my gas grill into a brick oven. But if a friend wanted to talk about trains every time we got together, I'd be polite but steer the conversation in a different direction. If his solution was, like yours, to find a related activity I might enjoy more, say RC Cars, I would do my best to accommodate him, but chances are slim I would develop a new obsession.

Click to expand...

This is one of the most intelligent responses I've ever seen on HBT. Bravo.

Apparently she pays attention occasionally. I just added the DME and was waiting to come back to boil when she NEEDED something done at that exact moment. Of course when I turn my back the BK boils over. She starts freaking out, I clean it up within 30 seconds. She says" You really do need one of those outside brewing setups"

Maybe there is hope for a better set-up yet.

Hodmokrin said:

SO every time i try to stir up a conversation with my wife about OG, types of yeast, sparging technique etc, she stares at me with a blank look, and then proceeds to tell me she is sick of hearing about brewing, and is seriously worried about my obsession with brewing...... lol. She can't understand how i can read forums literally for hours just dreaming about brewing while not actually brewing. She has no idea why i would go and stare at Co2 bubbling through airlocks several times of day, or why now when we go to the grocery store, i have an active interest spending a great deal of time in the baking/spice sections that previously were unknown to me.

My wife really doesn't care for beer... but she does like wine. So i decided to make some homemade wine for her (if i can get her interested in the subject, my brewing budget should increase SUBSTANTIALLY =))... so that is the plan.

Its not that she really minds all the recent brewing activity, but i was thinking what a great hobby we could share together if only i could get her interested. She isn't much of a drinker at all (maybe once every couple months), so this could be tough.

Has anyone ever converted their anti-brewing wife? Or am i fighting an uphill battle?

Click to expand...

I'm sorry to hear this. My girlfriend of 4 years after I brewed a couple batches, started using my equipment and brewing her own beers.

Hodmokrin said:

Has anyone ever converted their anti-brewing wife? Or am i fighting an uphill battle?

Click to expand...

It's sounds like you have the fire of a convert yourself.

Tell her not to worry; that your enthusiasm will subside gradually.

Men do things like this... rush in! and then rush out! and then lay back exhausted.

tinman1 said:

Try using cali lager yeast- I did an anchor steam clone on the basement floor(65-68 deg) and worked great. The recipe was a schlitz clone that turned out exceptional for a gateway beer...

Click to expand...

Thanks for the idea

Frankiesurf said:

Apparently she pays attention occasionally. I just added the DME and was waiting to come back to boil when she NEEDED something done at that exact moment. Of course when I turn my back the BK boils over. She starts freaking out, I clean it up within 30 seconds. She says" You really do need one of those outside brewing setups"

Maybe there is hope for a better set-up yet.

Click to expand...

That's what I'm hoping for. My wife is extremely passive aggressive so every time I've brewed I'm "needed" for something. Mind you, it's always mundane.

I am lucky. My wife bought me the equipment to get started. She does not really drink but when she does she likes good beer. When we first met 20years ago she introduced me to Belgian brews when they where hard to find. She even went to Europe a few times and brought beer back in her luggage for me.

Now she always asks what I am brewing. Always asks to try a new brew. Gives good feedback on the flavor.

She actually likes the smell of brewing, so I get no problems there. I often brew early inthe morning so I can get finished early. If we want to do something together we still have the afternoons to do that.

beergolf said:

I often brew early inthe morning so I can get finished early. If we want to do something together we still have the afternoons to do that.

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+1...get organized, get water measured, equipment together, grain milled (if not done at the LHBS), burner set up, etc. the night before. I get up the next day at 6:00, fire up the burner, then the coffee pot. By the time I'm half through the first cup (of coffee, that is) I'm at strike temp.

Save for some minor lingering cleanup, I'm done and ready for the rest of the day by noon...

She has as much of a chance of liking beer/wine making as you have of suddenly becoming obsessed with scrapbooking and knitting.

Update:

I bought some Kentucky Bourbon Barrel Ale, and a Chimay Trappist Ale..... she volunteered to try them both ( i didn't ask), and surprisingly asked me for a half glass of the bourbon barrel ale. So i think i may have made some progress..... I guess persistence can pay off.

Sorry for the doubters who think non drinkers can't be converted, because i feel like i just took the first step in climbing the Convert-a-non-beer-lover-mountain... ehem.


I'll keep ya posted.

Very nice ... good luck to you!

Hodmokrin said:

Update:

I bought some Kentucky Bourbon Barrel Ale, and a Chimay Trappist Ale..... she volunteered to try them both ( i didn't ask), and surprisingly asked me for a half glass of the bourbon barrel ale. So i think i may have made some progress..... I guess persistence can pay off.

Sorry for the doubters who think non drinkers can't be converted, because i feel like i just took the first step in climbing the Convert-a-non-beer-lover-mountain... ehem.


I'll keep ya posted.

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Theres a KBBA recipe on here too. Might be just what you need.

My wife thinks it's a good hobby and loved the Kolsch that came out of the first batch. It was ok, so I figure it only gets better from here. She's a lite beer drinker so I'm staying with helles, kolsch and american lagers for now.

I can tell you to avoid all the details...it's like when she starts talking about kitchen designs (that what she does)...my brain literally shuts off...I'll I here is blah blah blah...so I suspect your wife and many like her (mine included), really don't want to know about beer brewing but will certainly enjoy the product at some point.

We hated wine when we met...several wineries and tastings later...and 10 years...we have about thirty bottles on hand at any given time...we're no experts but really enjoy wines now.

I was feeling "slightly" guilty of what I was spending until I realized what she was spending in scrap booking stuff. I bought her a Circut machine (she had bought my initial beer kit for Christmas a year ago) for her birthday last year. She has since purchased several cartridges for her machine. Even though she bought them on Ebay at a discount I'd say she's easily has $150 at least plus the cost of the machine. That's not to mention all the stuff associated with scrap booking including weekends away with the girls. She embraces my hobby and I her's.

I only wish I could get her to try my beer. She's a Coors light gal and that's fine. But it would be nice that maybe I could find a beer I could brew and she would drink. But if not, that's fine as well.

I don't want my wife brewing... That's all I need is she's tied up the last empty fermenter with hibiscus cream ale or some crap

I have tried to get my wife into the beers I brew and such. Anytime I try talking homebrew she just rolls her eyes. The way I look at it, there is more for me to drink this way and she has her things she enjoys that I have no interest in so fair is fair. Now I just hit up my homebrew buddies to talk beer and spare her because she just isn't having it. I will try to brew a style she likes soon, but I am far more concerned with making what I like and I will go get a 6 or 12 pack of the junk she likes from the store.