Exs and Court orders, and beer

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Brewpilot

Well-Known Member
Joined
Aug 10, 2006
Messages
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Location
Fort Wayne, IN
Over the past 18 months, I have been in court more than I have been at my LHBS. My ex has made it her goal in life to cause conflict and impede my relationship with my son at all costs. Brewing, this website and pouring myself into a hobby have helped me to compartmentalize it all and get through some pretty upsetting times.
In the end, the courts have come though and been very gracious. Taking control and manipulation away from a controller and manipulator of the kind that I assure you, you have never seen! CHEERS to all of you who have dealt with family trauma and fought the good fight. Drinking doenst solve problems, but brewing can certainly give you a good outlet!!!

Brewpilot
 
Dude, I feel your pain.

I went through that mess 10 years ago and didn't get so lucky. I still get manipulated by my ex regarding my own kids. I'm bitter about it.

I wish I had buds like you guys when I was going through that.
 
I, thankfully have never been through that. With rough times behindus, my wife and I are celebrating 17 years of marriage next week. Keep our head up and remember to be thoughtful of what you say about your ex in front of the kids.
 
I am very mindful... I want my son to see the difference between what his mother tells him about me, and what he sees at my home. Before this court order, I saw my son 8x in 2006... can you beleive that???? Now that there is an order for dates, times and meeting place, SHE is out of her mind with anger because she cannot manipulate this time unless she wants to go to court and get fined or worse. So many fathers dont want thier kids, and the few that do, get walked on and have to actually FIGHT to see them. Rediculous, but, again, the beast has been shackled and is held at bay. This forum, this hobby, and my loving wife, have all been keys to my sanity.

Brew
 
A friend was fighting his ex about their daughter about 10 years ago. She was preventing him from seeing the girl the 16 hours (two 8 hours 'days') per month the initial settlement gave him. At one point, they were back in court & the ex started calling everyone names, including her lawyer & the judge. Then she throws her purse at the judge and bites the bailiff.

He walked out a full-time Dad!
 
When I dont give in, meaning, let my ex control my time with my son... I get threats. The one today was that she TOLD me that she will not be allowing me to see my son one weekend in March and one in April... idiot. Others have been threatening to reduce my parenting time (for no reason) and having my home inspected for suitability (he has already been coming here for 2 yrs). Just stupid things. I sent a letter to her atty and the court today letting them know about the threat to not allow me to see my son on those two weekends in the coming months, so if there is an issue during those weekends, tada, we all knew.
 
Sometimes, the simple things that take our minds off of our troubles are exactly what saves us. I'm glad you have support and that this hobby has helped you through tough times.....and it's good to be reminded that despite the cold anonymity of the internet one can occiasionally find true personal connection. I wish you the best. :mug:
 
Hang in there man.

I'm going though it now, to a degree. My soon-to-be-ex has tried her damnedest to control how and when I see my kids too, and after months of demoralizing, horrible times and not seeing them unless it was on her terms, she's finally changing her tune, but there's a part of me that is still fearing she could change her mind at anytime and go crazy on me.

I don't get it either... most women would KILL to have their ex's involved in their kids' lives. I want to spend as much time as I can with my kids, and she treats me like I'm an absentee father.

Having good friends (unfortunately, she manipulated most of my friends from my previous life) a great new hobby and the support of an amazing woman, has helped a lot.

All the best brewpilot :)
 
Went through all that **** 11 yrs ago.It cost me everything(cash,house,car)but i got the full custody.A steal at twice the price.
Cheers:mug:
 
It is not uncommon for good fathers to be treated like criminals by the women that are scorned. I tell you what illiterate... I have let my guard down a few times, when SHE seemed to be going along with what was right and just, and consistently she has proven me wrong for trusting her again. I hope that your situation is different, I really do. I have learned that ppl, in general, do not change. I will never again risk my relationship with my son by trusting his mother with that responsibility. It is sad, truely sad... but one cannot make deals with the devil and expect all to turn out rosey.
It IS nice to see that I am not alone in my struggles, past, present, or future. It is also good to have a group of people with such a passion for what we do. Not for fame, not for fortune, but for the passion alone. This board and this hobby have kept my mind from reeling in the midsts of severe emotional trauma.

Faith, Love, Beer.

Brewpilot
 
~At the risk of a lightning strike~
Faith, Love and Beer, the greatest of these is Beer. :)

I'm being cautiously trustful. And hoping that it continues.

What's helped me, actually, is she has become involved with a divorced dad, who shared with her how it killed him when his ex wasn't letting him see their daughter. One day, out of the blue, she emailed me and said, essentially, that she was done playing games. I felt like another personality invaded her body, but she's been pretty consistent on it so far.

My oldest is six... and I cherish every moment I have with him. I also have 20-month-old twins, who thankfully won't know the trauma of divorce. This will be, "just the way things are."

Hooray for good dads like us :)
 
I inherited a daughter with my wife whome I am married to now... I am teaching her and her brother to brew beer. God Bless dads like us!

Brewpilot
 
I need to chime in here...

I echo the others who say there are moms who would LOVE a dad that wanted time with his kid(s).

My son is 15 and hasn't heard from his donor (no flaming, you'll understand in a moment) since his 8th birthday.

We were divorced when my son was 1.5 years old. I lived in California and asked him to allow us to leave since this was a good opportunity for me and San Diego would beggar me in no time. He said "no" until I stated that I'd reserve the child-support judgment (he wouldn't have to pay). But he agreed to pay half of childcare, medical, dental etc expenses and any schooling. To date, I have received $300 from him. Total. Since 1993. And Cameron has gotten perhaps 20 phone calls and one visit and NEVER a request that he get to go see the donor.

So gentlemen, I despise women who treat fathers the way most of you have been treated.

But, I got the most wonderful part of my deal... I got my son and it only cost me $189 per month (what the child support was to be set to).

Good luck and all my prayers to those of you who are fighting for your kids.
 
Reading all of this kind of makes me glad I'm never intending on having kids (and my fiancee is right with me on that one). Yeesh.
 
Hang tough Brewpilot. You're doing the right thing and the kids are what it's all about.

I got lucky enuf with my ex, that when we split up we remained friends. We were just going in different directions. When all was said and done, I had my eldest (who was a little over 2 at the time, he's 10 now) every other day and every other weekend. When he got into school it was every other week. One week he's at mom's house, the next with me. It's all he's ever known and it continues to this day. There have been times that I think about what else I could be doing for a living, or where else I could be living, but then I wouldn't be with him and that is totally unacceptable to me. I know my situation is certainly the exception. I know many people who have been in the situation you're in. But keep the faith and keep in mind you're doing the right thing. In the end, it's not about you or her, it's about your son!

And on a side note, this board is very good for the mind. Our little asylum here has helped keep me sane recently as well. :mug:

Ize
 
I have not gone through it but my brother in law has. Let me tell you, i think i have seen the likes of your ex in his.

She is holding back his boy form kindergarten so he has to continue to pay 700 bucks a month (for one child) and he can only see him one weekend night and wednesday from 5 till 8.

He was fine with all of this as he does not like to cause conflict:

then she took him back to court, wanted 1200 bucks a month, no contact between boy and my BIL parents, and my BIL could only see his boy in a superivised visit capacity.

The judge told her it was not a paycheck, changed his visitation to wed thru sunday every other week and weekends on the odd weeks and dropped his child support to 650. this whole time he was paying her health Ins. The judge ordered that to stop.

I do not envy anyone that has to go through this crap, but your story and his prove that the slimy b!tches get what they deserve in the end!

Rock on Brother :rockin:
 
I think that's another thing that changed my ex's tune.

She realizes that judges are more about equity now, especially when it comes to dads who are good dads and want to help raise their kids.
 
Brewpilot,

Just saw this thread and gotta say that I hope everything works out for you. I had a friend in the Air Force who went through something similar only he rarely sees his daughter at all (his ex even lied about physical abuse to get her way). The only thing I can figure as to why they do it, is they know that seeing your kids is something you want and they don't want you to be happy.

Again, I hope everything works out. Keep the faith.
 
Wanted to chime in on this thread. There is always hope. My wife and her ex went through a very rough divorce. He took the kids until she was able to straighten her self out, which she has. They actually have gotten along well enough that he has stayed at our house (instead of a hotel) for both of thier kids HS graduations. We all went together to the kids graduation from boot camp at Paris Island and to tell the truth I consider him a good friend. Stuff happens when people break up. hopefully they eventually figure out that it isn't about them but about the kids. I hope that you guys can work out your differences for the your son because he does deserve both of you as parents. Good luck.
 
Wow....do I feel blessed. My SWMBO of almost 24 years and I are getting closer all the time.....I'm very much the anomaly of dads, since we decided to school our kids at home, and DAD is the teacher. Yep, my mornings are spent with my kids, and I go to work in the afternoon.

Most dads never get to experience the blessings of spending that much time with their kids.
 
What I dont understand here is how you all have the exact same "ex" as my wife . . .

They had a wierd arangment she got railroaded into cuz her lawyer sucked but it was school down here then summers and holidays up there k-4, 5-9 it was school up there summers and holidays down here (did Imention my wife works?). we tried to get it changed so the kid didnt have to swtich schools and he fought it like hell. Here is the kicker . . .Her "ex" is a kindergarten teacher (dont even get me started on male kindergarten teachers) and would rather have the kid around when he is working all the time instead of when he has off and can actually spend some time with him?

He pulls the other BS too, made us drive through a snow storm to drop off the kid. We asked him to drop the kid off a day early or late to avoid it but he said no, do what normally takes 4 hours round trip took 10 (then he had the balls to get in my face . . .I'm 6ft, 245lbs, and have a sterotypical Irish temper . . . and we were alone. I didnt hit him but I think he could have posted a nice story in the shart your pants thread) 90% of the time he doesnt even drop the kid off or pick him up, he has the current wife (#3) do it for him #2 did it before that. He wont talk the the wife about anything so any communication has to go through what is now a 14 y/o boy (He's been doing that since the kid was in 5th grade). He even told the kid one time that even though the court order said it was time to come down that he didnt have to if he didnt want to. This was right about the time my 5 year old was born and had the 14 y/o (then 9y/o) convinced we had his brother because we didnt want him anymore and were doing nothing but partying when he wasnt around. To make matters worse her "ex" didnt even inform us they werent comming down to the meeting point (that 4 hour drive round trip) until we were at the meeting point . . . we had to get their local Sheriff involed and sat around for an additional 4hours to pick up the kid. Nothing like hanging out at a Burger King with an infant for 4 extra hours.

The good news is after a while the kids figure it out what is up and how is trying to slip it in who's arse. Last summer my wifes "Ex" schedualed their trip to Florida the week after the kid came down to our place and took his 2 step sisters, then proceded to call and send postcards every day. Near the end of thier 2 week trip I took him fishing and while we were out on the lake he was pretty quiet and all of a sudden looked at me and said "He knew I would be gone for those 2 weeks for the last 3 years . . ." and he left it at that.

4 more years and I wont ever have to see that SOB again until the kid gets married . . . and I already warned my wife that if he is coming to a Irish firemans kids wedding he probably doesnt stand a very good chance at having a good time :D
 
Pumbaa said:
. . . and I already warned my wife that if he is coming to a Irish firemans kids wedding he probably doesnt stand a very good chance at having a good time :D


Invite a mad scotsman also. ;)
 
dibby33 said:
Invite a mad scotsman also. ;)

LOL I always claim Irish but it's actually a Irish/Scot mix (about 75/25). . . the SOB is in for a world of hurt . . . did I mention my sister in law is directly related to the local mob?
 
dibby33 said:
Invite a mad scotsman also. ;)

HA! I think a lot of us would dig to hang out with you and tip a couple if you ever got over here dibby, or we there. :mug:

Man Pumbaa it's amazing how smart kids are these days. Were we this smart? I dunno, maybe but I doubt it. And we get tainted with age as well. But when it comes to that kind of bullsh!t, kids don't miss a damn thing. It sounds like he's hip to the whole thing and hopefully he knows who really gives a damn.

Keep on man. :rockin:

Ize
 
Keep the high road. A guy that I'm working with just went through a similar thing, and I've heard more about it then I really want. Ex was a ***** and just wanted to do nothing but cause trouble and make his life a living hell. I have a certain amount of respect for him (even though I don't know both sides of the story) but she KEPT him in court. He KEPT emails and tapes of phone calls and messages that she left. He now has full custody of his two sons and she is in anger management classess and probation for file fradulant charges and wasting the courts time dragging him into court. She has no visitation with the kids at all. That may not be your goal, but if she keeps it up, the court system will get the idea and it will happen anyway.

Don't stoop too her level, your kids will see who is crazy and who isn't. I hate too say it, even if it takes years, they will know. I grew up from 4yo with divorced parents, long before the time when courts got involved and child services was not heard of, both parents claimed the other was bad... My mother was right, even though she was wrong for saying it to my sister and me.
 
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