Truisms Too Obvious to Mention... until now of course...

SSBrew - 728
Homebrew Talk - Beer, Wine, Mead, & Cider Brewing Discussion Forum

Help Support Homebrew Talk - Beer, Wine, Mead, & Cider Brewing Discussion Forum:

This site may earn a commission from merchant affiliate links, including eBay, Amazon, and others.
Status
Not open for further replies.
CreamyGoodness

CreamyGoodness

Well-Known Member
Joined
Jul 19, 2011
Messages
7,392
Reaction score
2,125
Location
Ossining
:fro:1) Sweaters look great on almost 100% of women.

2) Car alarms should be outlawed.

3) If a package of food has the word "food" written on it... it isnt food.

4) If you try to make a cat into a vegetarian, the cat will either die or run away... and you a blithering twit.

5) The most noble schools of though, isms if you will, are the ones that no longer exist when their goals are met.

6) If someone wishes you a happy holiday, and you dont celebrate that holiday, they were still being nice.

7) Don't eat yellow snow. Don't eat snow of any color. Unless of course you live in Montana. Go ahead and eat white, Montana snow.

8) If you handle a hot pepper with your hands, DONT DO ANYTHING WITH YOUR HANDS OTHER THAN HANDLE THE HOT PEPPER!

9) You never hear someone say "that's just how I was born!" or "I can't help it!" in reference to one of their positive attributes.

10) All non-dessert foods taste better with a gravy or sauce.

Final Bonus Truism) Only the dissatisfied, unhappy, or stressed advance and invent things. Ever see a primitive tribesman in Borneo on National Geographic who wasn't smiling?

:fro:

:fro:
 
Grog’s Rules for Food (which can count as truisms)

#1 – NO FOOD in my food. which means leave out the BERRIES NUTS and TWIGS

#2 – tomatoes are the only fruit that should be cooked

#3 – it’s Carolina-style for pulled pork, Texas for brisket, Memphis for chicken and Kansas City for ribs

#4 – Ketchup is for potatoes, except for mashed or baked

#5 – do NOT get between the fat man and the buffet table. (more of a safety tip than a rule)

#6 – Cheese

#7 – if you’re eating at a restaurant, you can complain about any problems with your food &/or service, but NEVER EVER send YOUR FOOD back to the kitchen

#8 – Arby’s sucks ass
 
GrogNerd said:
Grog’s Rules for Food (which can count as truisms)

#1 – NO FOOD in my food. which means leave out the BERRIES NUTS and TWIGS

#2 – tomatoes are the only fruit that should be cooked

#3 – it’s Carolina-style for pulled pork, Texas for brisket, Memphis for chicken and Kansas City for ribs

#4 – Ketchup is for potatoes, except for mashed or baked

#5 – do NOT get between the fat man and the buffet table. (more of a safety tip than a rule)

#6 – Cheese

#7 – if you’re eating at a restaurant, you can complain about any problems with your food &/or service, but NEVER EVER send YOUR FOOD back to the kitchen

#8 – Arby’s sucks ass
Click to expand...


+1. Though you have to pick a Carolina style. East or West NC, or SC.
 
If I recall correctly, NC East style is the simple Vinegar/hot pepper, West has generous doses of ketchup mixed in and I believe SC has mustard in the mix.

I believ. that makes yours more of a lexington or western NC style. Still delicious though.
 
GrogNerd said:
Grog’s Rules for Food (which can count as truisms)

#1 – NO FOOD in my food. which means leave out the BERRIES NUTS and TWIGS

#2 – tomatoes are the only fruit that should be cooked

#3 – it’s Carolina-style for pulled pork, Texas for brisket, Memphis for chicken and Kansas City for ribs

#4 – Ketchup is for potatoes, except for mashed or baked

#5 – do NOT get between the fat man and the buffet table. (more of a safety tip than a rule)

#6 – Cheese

#7 – if you’re eating at a restaurant, you can complain about any problems with your food &/or service, but NEVER EVER send YOUR FOOD back to the kitchen

#8 – Arby’s sucks ass
Click to expand...

In re: #2, you've obviously never tried fried apples. I pity you.

In re: #4, the difference between someone who eats ketchup and someone who doesn't is that one of them has been to a tomato processing plant. My stomach is turning just thinking about it...

The rest are, obviously, all correct. With the exception of #1. I love nuts and berries (esp. wheat berries, malted and crushed and mashed and fermented and in my glass).
 
jerrodm said:
In re: #4, the difference between someone who eats ketchup and someone who doesn't is that one of them has been to a tomato processing plant. My stomach is turning just thinking about it...
Click to expand...
Ketchup is for people that don't like the taste of food.

If you need ketchup, you did something wrong.
 
Not sure this fits but...

It is not homemade pie if you used store bought crust.
 
#10 is completely wrong.

What's the best way to serve a nice steak? Rare/medium-rare, with nothing but a little salt and pepper. Unless you count "cow blood" as a "sauce," keep it simple, dammit!
 
I love some berries and some nuts (not so keen on twigs), just keep them out of my food

yeah... apple pie, apple fritters, apple turnovers... no thanks. and really? you gonna fry some strawberries or pineapple too? talk about stomach churning

and the ketchup thing means ketchup is for french fries and hash browns. not on burgers or dogs and it's why #3 memphis for chicken because EW... ketchup on chicken is gross
 
509inc said:
Is that the same as bearnaise sauce?
Click to expand...

Bearnaise is a but different. It uses egg yolks, shallots, chervil, and peppercorns.

I like to make a stick of salted butter into a nice compound butter with garlic and parsley and then put a nice pat atop my warm steak. I promise no steak can be ruined in this manner.
 
yeah, I'm more of a no sauce on my steak kind of guy. but I wouldn't push it off my plate if it had some buttery garlicky goodness on it

or bleu cheese.

or bacon

or another steak

YEAH! that's the best sauce for steak; another steak!
 
Eh, Just pass mine through a warm room. And if you absolutely have to put anything on it, a little salt and fresh ground pepper is all it needs.

A good cut of meat should be flavor enough. It is blasphemous to cover that up.
 
granddad always had his well done. he was a butcher and knew his beef.

I like mine cooked, but not that cooked.

always tell the server, "my apologies to the chef; medium" if it's a place that tends to overcook, like GA Steakhouse, Longhorn or Outback , "medium well" if it's someplace that knows how to cook a steak, like Ruth's Chris, Mortons or (around here) Capitol Grille.
 
GrogNerd said:
granddad always had his well done. he was a butcher and knew his beef.

I like mine cooked, but not that cooked.

always tell the server, "my apologies to the chef; medium" if it's a place that tends to overcook, like GA Steakhouse, Longhorn or Outback , "medium well" if it's someplace that knows how to cook a steak, like Ruth's Chris, Mortons or (around here) Capitol Grille.
Click to expand...

Was that because of the particular cuts he was eating? I used to always eat my steaks well-done before I knew better, I still don't like them "passed through a warm-room"-rare but medium-rare is perfect.

And the garlic butter sounds like a good way to make a *good* steak better, but I'll stand by my "if it's a GREAT steak, leave it alone!". If it's got enough fat, it shouldn't need the butter.
 
How about paraphrasing a Mark Twain line:

"Patriotism means loving your country all the time and your government when they deserve it."

Oh, and grilled or fried plantains are awesome, as is grilled pineapple when served with teriyaki anything.
 
Fair enough. Many pricey cuts arent marbled at all (I'm looking at you filet) so they demand a little extra barding.

Here's another rule to live by. Steak is a superior food to a hamburger. Is there ever a day that I would rather have a burger over a steak? Sure all the time. But steak wins that fight.

If you grind an expensive steak to make hamburger... you're basically having your gold metal bronzed.
 
JonM said:
Oh, and grilled or fried plantains are awesome, as is grilled pineapple when served with teriyaki anything.
Click to expand...

might make an exception for fried plantains. the ex was Cuban (ella llamo La Reina de las Vacas) and her mom would make some awesome double-fried plantains

but cooked pineapple is an abomination
 
GrogNerd said:


#3 – it’s Carolina-style for pulled pork, Texas for brisket, Memphis for chicken and Kansas City for ribs
Click to expand...


This is, word-for-word, the answer to the question I pondered earlier. We had a good BBQ restaurant open up near me, and, growing up in New England, I unfortunately don't know my BBQ the way I'd like to. The restaurant has a four different sauces, and I have no idea is "supposed" to go with what. I recently had the brisket with the carolina mustard sauce. It was delicious, but couldn't help thinking about what sauce was best. Could something have been better?

Just checked. They have Louisiana Hot, Carolina Mustard, Kansas City Sweet and Memphis Vinegar.
 
GrogNerd said:
Grog’s Rules for Food (which can count as truisms)
#7 – if you’re eating at a restaurant, you can complain about any problems with your food &/or service, but NEVER EVER send YOUR FOOD back to the kitchen
Click to expand...

I'm sorry, this one is dumb. I've only sent food back maybe once that I can recall, but why wouldn't you (assuming it was a problem with how the food was cooked)? If the food's not acceptable, why shouldn't you get it fixed? If you ask for a steak medium-rate and you get "burnt" (or vice-versa), that's a problem that the kitchen needs to be aware of.
 
the_bird said:
#10 is completely wrong.

What's the best way to serve a nice steak? Rare/medium-rare, with nothing but a little salt and pepper. Unless you count "cow blood" as a "sauce," keep it simple, dammit!
Click to expand...

Again, this is obviously correct. Count this in the "If you need ketchup/A1/mushroom sauce/etc., you're doing it wrong" category.
 
the_bird said:
I'm sorry, this one is dumb. I've only sent food back maybe once that I can recall, but why wouldn't you (assuming it was a problem with how the food was cooked)? If the food's not acceptable, why shouldn't you get it fixed? If you ask for a steak medium-rate and you get "burnt" (or vice-versa), that's a problem that the kitchen needs to be aware of.
Click to expand...

they will be made aware of any problem, it will be comped off the check and I may not eat it, but I will not send it back to be "fixed"

have you seen ?

watch the whole thing, but pay particular attention to 1:17 to 1:40
 
Last edited by a moderator:
Ever seen Fight Club? remember the quote "He was the guerilla terrorist of the food industry" Its just not worth it to anger those who handle your food.
 
Well, you don't have to be a dink about it. If I'm hungry, though, I don't really WANT to have the $20 taken off my bill, I want to eat!
 
It's true, but be aware of the consequences...I think this rule is waived if you are at the place often enough to know people who work there, or if the setup is such that you can say something directly to the cook (like an open kitchen layout), so he can see you're not a ******. Otherwise, even if you're super polite to the waiter, you can't guarantee that that's going to get translated back to the overworked, harried cook staff in the back. And God help you if the guy (or gal) is just having a bad day...
 
DrunkleJon said:
Ever seen Fight Club? remember the quote "He was the guerilla terrorist of the food industry" Its just not worth it to anger those who handle your food.
Click to expand...

I agree

the_bird said:
Well, you don't have to be a dink about it. If I'm hungry, though, I don't really WANT to have the $20 taken off my bill, I want to eat!
Click to expand...

hungry enough to eat a loogie and some dandruff?

and the trailer only shows ½ of what's in the movie
 
GrogNerd said:
Grog’s Rules for Food (which can count as truisms)

#1 – NO FOOD in my food. which means leave out the BERRIES NUTS and TWIGS

#2 – tomatoes are the only fruit that should be cooked

#3 – it’s Carolina-style for pulled pork, Texas for brisket, Memphis for chicken and Kansas City for ribs

#4 – Ketchup is for potatoes, except for mashed or baked

#5 – do NOT get between the fat man and the buffet table. (more of a safety tip than a rule)

#6 – Cheese

#7 – if you’re eating at a restaurant, you can complain about any problems with your food &/or service, but NEVER EVER send YOUR FOOD back to the kitchen

#8 – Arby’s sucks ass
Click to expand...

First, with #2, are you also talking about applesauce??? With a properly cooked pork chop (or roast, depending on how it's cooked) it can be great. Hell, even by itself.

100% behind the comment about store bought crust making a pie NOT home-made. That was done (by a family member) with an apple pie on Turkey Day... Crust was nasty and somehow the pie filling was like soup. :rolleyes: Worst pie EVER made at home. Can't call it 'home made' since it wasn't.

#4, applies to fried spuds, except for potato skins (if they are fried). Also, home made ketchup trumps the stuff in a bottle. Chili sauce is also far better than ketchup for almost everything.

Can't agree with #7. If I order something cooked to a level, and they miss it by more than a bit, it's going BACK. Luckily, I've only needed to send stuff back a couple of times. One was where the steak was actually COLD. Excuse me, I ordered medium rare, not medium rare and left sitting for 30 minutes. Plus, they didn't even trim it right (tenderloin and it had the silver skin still on it).

I did have a nice steak when on vacation (up to Bar Harbor, ME) that had a really nice red wine reduction sauce under it. Not poured all over it, but more a 'use as much as you like' deal. Damned fine eating there. Tactful use of a sauce can be a good thing. Bathing your food in it, no. Personally, I almost never use a gravy with meat/meals. I make gravy for turkey and beef that everyone raves about and lusts after, but I almost never use it. IMO, you shouldn't NEED to use it. If the food was cooked/prepared properly, it won't need it. If you want the flavors it brings to the meal, fine. Just don't bath everything with it.

Truism:
Everything is better with butter.
The only thing that is better than butter is BACON!!

CreamyGoodness said:
8) If you handle a hot pepper with your hands, DONT DO ANYTHING WITH YOUR HANDS OTHER THAN HANDLE THE HOT PEPPER!
Click to expand...
IF you're smart, you'll wear latex gloves when cutting/handling hot peppers. :eek: I keep a package of them in stock for such use, as well as a few others (not for THAT, keep your minds out of the gutter).
 
Yeah, that is what I am saying. I know of many an occasion where food tampering has happened. Its not worth the risk IMO. Sorry if what I typed came out wrong. You just never know what kind of day they are having and even the best intentioned comment can be misconstrued.
 
I fear reprisal to such a degree that I am overly polite and kind to wait staff. So much so, that one time, years ago, the waitress came home with me.

Totally true story.
 
GrogNerd said:
hungry enough to eat a loogie and some dandruff?

and the trailer only shows ½ of what's in the movie
Click to expand...

I guess I don't go to restaurants where I'm all that worried about this.

Besides, having young children reminds me that I've probably eaten plenty of boogers in my life and survived perfectly well.

And if my steak isn't buried in some goddamn sauce, I can tell if there's a loogey on there!
 
I really don't go out that often to NOT be worried that someone is gonna dick with my food.

There is only one restaurant we go out to enough that we know the manager and if SHE takes my food back, I trust her enough to make it right without any Shenanigans (haha... the name of the restaurant in Waiting)

but they're MY rules, meaning they're rules that I follow and I'm only sharing them. They're not LAWS.
 
I think I've had to send back one thing - fish that was severely undercooked. Can't even remember which restaurant it was. We don't go out that often anymore (kids), but when we do it's places that I pretty much trust are respectful of the food and of their clientele. When we stop at a place like Applebee's (out with the kids and famished and need SOMETHING), the food usually sucks but in a way that it's EXPECTED to suck, so no point in returning anything.

And those may be *your* rules, but this is a thread about "truisms," which should - by definition - be applicable to everybody.
 
Grog’s Rules for Food (which can count as truisms)

I would count #5 as the only true truism. the others can count, maybe you don't think they do; makes no nevermind to me.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.

Similar threads

TasunkaWitko
Köttbullar
Replies
17
Views
2K
Miraculix
Miraculix
SSBrew 300

Latest posts

Back
Top