Why I hate SWMBO

Beer is truly one of man's most important and greatest accomplishments. It surpasses wine, coffee, tea, chocolate, and a good chunk of fine cuisine in complexity and artfulness. It is healthful, delicious, and at the core of some of the best parts of human society.

But I don't have to tell you that. If you're here, reading this, you know. So why do so many of you choose mates who don't agree?

I just spent a few hours drinking at a buddy's house, and his lady couldn't stop putting beer down. I happen to be a pretty argumentative person, and kept pushing her to give me any valid reason for her hatred of beer. She tried to tell me that it's unhealthy, and following her logic I forced her to admit that, under her definition, fiber can't be considered healthy. I waxed philosophically about the integral part beer has played in human history, and she merely brushed it off. She even went so far as to criticize people who would pursue brewing as a hobby, minutes after my proclamation that such was my intention. She was obviously provoking me, and yet got offended at my adherence to my own beliefs.

I understand that people don't like beer, but why do people who like beer choose to form such an intimate bond with people who don't? So many of you on this board adopt this "SWMBO" label for your significant others, and constantly portray them as being in opposition to your brewing and passion for beer. Why do you do this to yourselves? Why would someone who loves you hate something you love?

I jokingly refer to my lady as SWMOB, which is in my signature, as an opposition to the general attitudes your women seem to have toward your brewing, i.e. controlling, manipulative, and dissatisfied. My girlfriend loves beer, and I couldn't date anyone who didn't. She drains my kegs faster than I can brew them, porter to pale ale, stout to hefeweizen. We split all the beers that go into our cellar and drink them and converse about them when we pull them out. I know it is rare to find someone like this, but love isn't anything other than rare.

Mostly, I'm venting because of my interaction with someone who is sincerely hindering a person who has great potential in brewing. Someone who has criticized me because of her ignorance. However, I'm also posing this: why do so many of you choose to live with someone who hates something you love?

My wife simply does not like the taste of beer (other than a Bavarian hefeweizen). She does not disapprove of me brewing, in fact, she encourages me to do it because she knows how much I enjoy it.

I think beer is mainly "a guy's thing" and, of course, there are many exceptions. There are quite a few female brewers here at HBT and they are just as knowledgeable as the male brewers. I'm just saying, in general terms, guys like beer more than girls like beer.

Brew Dude said:

in general terms, guys like beer more than girls like beer.

Click to expand...

this has no basis in anything other than conforming to stereotypes. beer is a flavorful beverage and it's no more "a guy thing" than any other aspect of the culinary arts.

My math is bad, but it comes down to:
Beer:
Mate:
I'll take the mate, and play games to get the beer. But then I'm a single so my priorities show.

slim chillingsworth said:

..........However, I'm also posing this: why do so many of you choose to live with someone who hates something you love?

Click to expand...

I wonder how you make this assumption? The use of SWMBO does not mean to me that the person hates beer or forbids the brewing of it.

Blender said:

I wonder how you make this assumption? The use of SWMBO does not mean to me that the person hates beer or forbids the brewing of it.

Click to expand...

if she must be obeyed, then she is in opposition to something you're doing. you don't have to obey someone who is supportive of you. or even someone who will compromise with you. "obey" has a very harsh connotation.

i'll admit that i'm using the phrase as a banner for a specific type of relationship i'm talking about, but it seems to fit into the same idea.

I'll take the mate, and play games to get the beer. But then I'm a single so my priorities show.

Click to expand...

it's not about mate vs. beer, it's about supportive mate vs. non-supportive mate.

I wouldn't take it literally. I see it as a give and take situation relating to family responsibilities or home issues. The brewer does something he loves but needs to balance it with home life.

I don't give much of a rats ass what color the walls are when I am asked to help paint them yet don't hassle me with the time spent doing brewing. It's a balance.

slim chillingsworth said:

this has no basis in anything other than conforming to stereotypes. beer is a flavorful beverage and it's no more "a guy thing" than any other aspect of the culinary arts.

Click to expand...

I find it ironic that you object to my opinion, considering you dedicated an entire thread to women who do not approve of their man's beer brewing...

Slim, what makes you think that so many of us choose to live with someone who hates something you love? That implies that we already have this hobby we love, and go seek out someone who hates our hobby and choose them as a mate. It's not always the beer hobby came before the SWMBO, a lot of times it's the other way around.

Most of us use SWMBO in a tongue-in-cheek manner. It's a pet name and is one of our little in-jokes instead of saying "gf/wife/husband/monkey/DH/ball and chain" etc. So your implication that it means "she controls my life" is wrong. There's only been a very few posts that actually make it sound like the poor guy was ruled by a tyrant. There's been many more that consist of "SWMBO said she's sick of bottles cluttering the house and I am go for a kegging system" Now, at first this sounds like it means The WIfe controls the finances, but it really means she supports his hobby so much that spending hundreds of dollars on a luxury item that she may never even use means they have a supportive relationship.

I think what you've come up against in your OP really isn't a hatred of beer, but actually jealousy of a hobby. You'll run into the same thing with boat enthusiasts, golfers, during the playoffs, etc. Ever heard of football widows? It's the same kinda deal. The wimmins have lost their menfolk to a hobby and feel neglected.

And brewdude's right. You can say it's just a flavorful beverage all you want, but culturally in the US, beer is a guy's thing.

Being both a SWMBO and a brewer I have found this thread amusing. I'll leave it at that.

I agree wholeheartedly with EvilTOJ and will add that my SWMBO likes beer and is more of a hophead than I.

Slim, you are also not the first to take the term SWMBO a little too seriously. Considering your recent interaction it is understandable, but due to the fact that yours is a beer drinker, I would just focus on the positive and pity your poor friend.

EDIT: Your title is misleading, you don't hate your SWMBO, you hate the term SWMBO--an important difference.

EvilT and the Women, channelling Dr. Kornkob! Agree wholeheartedly. For 99.99999% of us (unfortunately, seems you may be the 0.00001%), "SWMBO" is tongue in cheek/ironic.

You have SWMBO confused with SWFAM.. which is usually a mate's SWMBO...

if she must be obeyed, then she is in opposition to something you're doing

Click to expand...

No, because if she must be obeyed then you won't be doing anything in opposition to her wishes.

What EvilTOJ said. SWMBO isn't meant literally, though I wouldn't want my spouse to "mind her own business." Our marriage has lasted over thirty years, happily so, and we have always taken an active interest in each other; otherwise it seems to me you have more a roommate than a relationship. Now, by active interest, I will point out she doesn't enjoy beer or brewing -- but she's willing to listen to me talk about it and to put up with a kitchen disaster from time to time.

Rick

+1 Melana

My boyfriend really enjoys that I make beer, but even he comes down on the spending and time involvement that I put towards making beer. I think EvilTOJ's got it - jealousy of a hobby (and in my case, concern for finances) is what makes the person voice opposition occasionally.

Nine times out of ten I read about significant others giving their brewer the "go ahead" for upgrading equipment, etc. I think your buddy's just got a shrew for a wife...

jmulligan said:

I think your buddy's just got a shrew for a wife...

Click to expand...

I can't argee with this more. to the OP: Just be happy that she's not YOUR SWMBO and steer clear of beer conversation.

When I first joined this board and learned what SWMBO stood for, I swore I would never use it b/c it's not the case in my relationship at all and I wanted everyone to know how cool my wife was, being my brewing partner and all. However, I soon realized the term is mostly just a joke, as has been mentioned here already. Now I use the term regularly; it's fun to read and even more fun to say!

SWIIIIIIMMMMMMMMBOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Dude, really? REALLY? That's the best rant you could muster? I've shat out better rants than that after a night of jagerbombs. *shakes head in disappointment* Out of all the MF'ers on this board, I'd say that I've seen maybe 2 who had a LITERAL "SWMBO", who truly objected to his/her hobby. I remember some dude, can't recall his name, whose wife left him in part because he brewed "too much". Of course, that was just another excuse she used, the main crux was something about a spat between him and her parents (never, EVER a good idea). As others have noted, 'SWMBO' is tongue-in-cheek, just like when people call their wife "the old ball and chain", rarely do they mean it seriously.

You sound like someone who's recently married or recently in your first "meaningful relationship" and take any veiled affront to what you perceive to be the "perfect relationship" as unfathomable. Yawn.

Here's what I think of that "rant". Be sure to turn your speakers up, foo!

Personally, I think She Who Must Be Obeyed is a silly term. I never use it, and consider it condescending. . As for my partner and me. She absolutely adores beer. She believes that I brew better beer then our local brewery. Besides it also saves me money by brewing my own.

slim chillingsworth said:

I just spent a few hours drinking at a buddy's house, and his lady couldn't stop putting beer down. I happen to be a pretty argumentative person, and kept pushing her to give me any valid reason for her hatred of beer.

Click to expand...

Sounds like that's his problem. Just imagine the **** he gets daily when he wants to even drink. As you alluded to, she could be provoking you because she doesn't like beer and/or doesn't like you. Being argumentative, you need to realize when someone's trying to draw you into an argument...it takes two to argue. Next time, ask her if she doesn't have some shirts to go iron or something.

(DISCLAIMER: to any detractors, I don't buy into the iron-my-shirt-***** thing; I just know it's easier to make someone meltdown when they're trying to piss you off than take their bait )

She even went so far as to criticize people who would pursue brewing as a hobby, minutes after my proclamation that such was my intention. She was obviously provoking me, and yet got offended at my adherence to my own beliefs.

Click to expand...

Yeah, Jim Koch is such a ******* for homebrewing. So is Vinnie Cilurzo, Sam Calagione, and all the other craft brew giants that spawned an industry. You shouldn't let yourself get so offended when you know that's her intention. If you do, she wins.

I jokingly refer to my lady as SWMOB, which is in my signature, as an opposition to the general attitudes your women seem to have toward your brewing, i.e. controlling, manipulative, and dissatisfied.

Click to expand...

If anyone is in a relationship, male or female, that is controlling and manipulative, there's some serious issues. I have a friend who, as you say, has some potential in brewing but his succubus girlfriend controls everything for him. So, I'll have wait out the industry-common 75% divorce rate (for where we work) and give him a starter kit when he files for divorce.

EvilTOJ said:

Most of us use SWMBO in a tongue-in-cheek manner. It's a pet name and is one of our little in-jokes instead of saying "gf/wife/husband/monkey/DH/ball and chain" etc. So your implication that it means "she controls my life" is wrong.

Click to expand...

THIS.

Slim, RELAX, don't worry, have a homebrew. Next time don't let her piss you off so easily.

While my wife isn't nearly as much of a beer drinker as I am, she does enjoy beer every so often. She will at least try the beer I brew as long as its not a stout or porter(fair enough). There was a time several years ago that we would watch the Sabres, which by the way, is a passion that we both share, and drink Molson Canadian by the box-full. She has developed a taste for wine in recent years and I support her on that going along with her on wine tours to the many wineries that we are fortunate enough to have within a couple hours drive.
I do use the term SWMBO here but it is most definitely tongue-in-cheek. It is easier than typing the old ball and chain...

I know that SWMBO and HWMO are tongue-in-check acronyms. We have a saying in our house, though- "If mama ain't happy, ain't NObody happy!" The kids and Bob know that if I'm unhappy about something they are doing, they should probably cease and desist! Still, that doesn't make me the boss- I am in a complete partnership in my marriage. I spent money on my hobbies only with approval from Bob- he also only spends money on his hobbies with my ok. If I spent every weekend brewing, he would probably be unhappy with me. So, I try to brew when he's not home or already busy. That way, I'm not taking away family time for my hobby.

I think it's true that more men than women like beer. Maybe it's the bitterness in it, or maybe it's cultural where we're supposed to like girly drinks. Still, I'm the primary beer drinker in my home. I make "lighter" beers like ambers and lagers for my husband, and I prefer IPAs and big strong flavored beers.

Sounds like you really just hate your buddy's SWMBO.

I hate make-up!

A little is okay but, most tend to take it to the point of a total re-finishing.

So, by this logic are you suggesting that I should boot the wife because she decides to put Almay on everyday?

That is some fuzzy logic my friend.

This thread is borderline amusing.

Glibbidy said:

Personally, I think She Who Must Be Obeyed is a silly term. I never use it, and consider it condescending. . As for my partner and me. She absolutely adores beer. She believes that I brew better beer then our local brewery. Besides it also saves me money by brewing my own.

Click to expand...

I am the same way... I have a "wife" not a "SWMBO" because we're equals, best friends, tigers in the sack, and all that other mushy stuff. She's in her second year of residency (80 hours a week minimum) so I needed a hobby. She bought my equipment kit for me. I am her rock, her support, the person she relies on, so yeah she realizes that I need an outlet, a hobby, something to keep busy with when she's not around.

Melana said:

I can't argee with this more. to the OP: Just be happy that she's not YOUR SWMBO and steer clear of beer conversation.

Click to expand...

Amen. She's shown her true colors and thank god she's someone else's nightmare!

jfrizzell said:

Sounds like you really just hate your buddy's SWMBO.

Click to expand...

Nothing wrong with that! Best thing for you to do is to lure your buddy to the Dark Side and get him to brew too!

Women argue for the sake of an argument. Simple as that.

Taipans said:

Women argue for the sake of an argument. Simple as that.

Click to expand...

That's a rather ignorant stereotype. I'm sure some women do, and other do it for attention, but not all.

I'm not sure what's more sexist - the fact that you are assuming that these men have married women who don't like beer, that you are assuming that by far most of these brewers are, in fact, men, OR that you are extending your knowledge of your friend's wife to all other women, thereby stereotyping all women as being shrewish, unsupportive harpies, like this "one girl you know".

I think on all counts you will find yourself mistaken. You are clearly the most sexist person on this thread (so far).

I love it when my wife plays SWMBO.

Oh, and she's totally down with brewing and drinking beer, too.

BrewWench said:

I'm not sure what's funnier - the fact that you are assuming that these men have married women who don't like beer, or that you are assuming that by far most of these brewers are, in fact, men.

I think on both counts you will find yourself mistaken.

Click to expand...

To be fair...I would put my life savings down on a bet that the majority of homebrewers are men.

Beerthoven said:

I love it when my wife plays SWMBO.

Click to expand...

Does she dress up like Yooper's avatar?

That's why I threw in "by far" ;c ) I'm continually pleasantly surprised by how many women are on this forum!

Ok, now that we've got 25 arguments against mine I'll respond.


I completely understand that the term is tongue in cheek. Everyone who says I take the term too seriously is equally guilty of taking my post too seriously. But what I'm talking about is a general attitude that I find common among men with ANY hobby, which is that their women are into opposition to it to a point that seems unreasonable of anyone who should be understanding.

I was using the term SWMBO as a jumping off point for my rant about a buddy's girlfriend, and then tried to bring it back home because of how often people on here start a sentence with "I just have to convince SWMBO..."

The only post that even leaned towards agreement with me hit the nail on the head:

Personally, I think She Who Must Be Obeyed is a silly term. I never use it, and consider it condescending. .

Click to expand...

can't help you out bud, my wife starts bitching as soon as the keg runs dry.

When wives and girlfriends complain about their mans hobby, it usually means that the man pays too much attention to the hobby, only talks about the hobby, and is basically obsessed to the point where he doesn't take an interest in anything the woman has to say.

My wife makes candles as a hobby. If all she ever did was spend money on candle making, talk about candle making, make candles, and burn 15 candles every night, I would probably complain about it too.

Unless, of course, she's playing SWMBO and dripping hot candle wax on ... well, lets not go there.

You ... take any veiled affront to what you perceive to be the "perfect relationship" as unfathomable. Yawn.

Click to expand...

Evan!

Although your argument was a childishly dismissive overreaction to my OP, you hit on at least an angle of my frustrations with the term, even if your assessment was completely incorrect.

I think too many people buy into this force-fed "men are from mars, women are from venus" bull**** and think guys should like steaks and sports and women should like shopping and vanity. It becomes so ingrained into our heads that we think its perfectly normal that most women "don't like beer" rather than thinking that most women don't give themselves a chance to acquire a taste for it, which most people have to do. Most people I know have had to overcome a dislike for beer as an adolescent to get where they are today.

So that's where I'm coming from, also.

Take home message:

Slim's friend is married to a wench (no offense BrewWench!).

Most brewers on HBT have awesome significant others that support our habit(s). Slim, be happy you're among those numbers.

And Beerthoven made me want to go buy some candles.

Alamo_Beer said:

http://www.terifahrendorf.com/pink-boots-society.htm

Click to expand...

Awesome. Although I could do without the Pepto-colored boots.