HBT Official Memorable Quotes Thread

LOLOLOLOLOL!!!

FishinDave07 said:

:rockin: He should be your Trub Monkey and help clean up after sessions.

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Ok, so this isn't funny or anything like a lot of the quotes here, but It's something we all forget (Except for EVAN!), and seem to need reminded of.

BrewFrick said:

each method of home brewing does have its own place in the hobby.

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This one...

OhioBrit said:

Even ice cold it just tastes like a rabid monkey took time off from playing in elephant dung to piss in my mouth!!

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I think we need a sub thread for the sweat and urine related quotes.

malkore said:

Chaucer's mead is an excellent example of a widely available mead...that tastes like the sweat off a mule's taint.

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This had me laughing my ass of this morning.

McKBrew said:

Dude, it's bedtime. I know you want to be teabagged, but that won't help you sleep at all.

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tooomanycolors said:

do what Kahuna says and you'll be alright

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Well....Dangit....Nobody else was going to put it here.

Talking to Soperbrew about some things on HBT...

Soperbrew: to me it's just another unused option on hbt
Soperbrew: kinda like the Search function, lol

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EvilTOJ said:

The best soak for a carboy after a long week of fermenting is a long hot soak in the tub with mineral salts and some Mr. Bubble. Put on some Celtic folk music and maybe light some lavender candles.





What?

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wow, just....wow

tooomanycolors said:

Or do what Kahuna says and youll be alright

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BigKahuna said:

Well....Dangit....Nobody else was going to put it here.

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Big K - That's because this is the memorable quotes thread, not the hilariously funny, make you cry thread

slnies said:

Gee, ya make sticky status, and then your spent.

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must be married or over 40 to appreciate

an old one but a good one, on how to make an american light lager.

Cheesefood said:

Some two-row and some rice solids. As for hops, show the wort a picture of Hallertau for about 20 seconds. Then lager.

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Malkore hit the nail on the head about having patience in brewing and managed to bash budweiser in a way that didn't fall back on Evan's law....

malkore said:

No great beer is rushed. Just look at Budweiser!

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I think its hard NOT to find a quote of BM referring to...well....here's the quote!

BierMuncher said:

Lord knows I want to keep a handle on my nuggets.

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:cross:

damn! was just gonna post that

DeathBrewer said:

damn! was just gonna post that

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Nerro said:

If the woodchuck's p*ss tastes sweet he probably has diabetes

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Lol I was thinking the same thing

Evan! said:

Don't do it for you, or McK, or even for the beer. Do it for future you! He's gonna kick your ass if you don't bottle some beer for him.

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Laughing my A$$ off

Too True And You Can't say You don't agree

Yuri_Rage said:

For every person who enjoys:

Homemade whole grain bread
Pure maple syrup
Natural varietal honey
Eggs Benedict
Macintosh
Star San
Hand rolled premium cigars
Wine from an exceptional vintage
Perfectly aged single malt scotch
Full flavored, malty, hoppy, unadulterated micro/homebrewed beer

There are likely 10 (or more) who prefer:

Wonder Bread
Table syrup
Honey from "the bear"
Fruity/colored breakfast cereal
Windows
Bleach
Swisher Sweets
Boxed wine
Whisk(e)y from a plastic bottle
BMC

It's perfectly ok to be in either group, but you'll be hard pressed to convert a person from one side to the other.

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This may be another sig worthy quote!

BierMuncher said:

Each and every one of those empty bottles is one of God’s creations…waiting to happen.

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'Muncher's "Freudian Slip" is showing.

BierMuncher said:

C'Mon Slackers...get in her and wish our friend a good one.

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Isn't yeast samples for analysis code for beer?

Chriso said:

I'm harvesting mine due to the outage. I could send you a mason jar of "yeast samples for analysis" that really ARE yeast samples for analysis!

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I think we have a winner!!!!!!!!!!

BigKahuna said:

i'd like to preface my comment by stating that I've done exactly 2 AG brews since conversion, and therefore am clearly an expert.

If I had a bogillion dollars, I'd make the coolest polished and chrome full tilt, gas powered a$$ kicker of a 44 magnum Big Block Tunnel Ram, Dual Dominator, scared children, wild women make'n, brew sculpture known to man...The type that that Turns atheists into Christians and Christians into Brewers, but I'd still have both a 5 and a 10 gallon round cooler with copper manifold for the mash tun.

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I bow to this one.....Methinks Evan just got owned!!!!

Biermuncher always has something vaguely sexual to offer.

BierMuncher said:

I never try and seat an o-ring without a lot of lube.

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MX1 said:

My dad just told me this on the phone and I cried "Fish is not meat son, no one evers talkes about beating thier fish."

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What this has to do with drinking green beer is beyond me.

And another from pickles, whose wit is as sharp as vinegar.

pickles said:

lynwitte - what does krausen taste like?

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ok, this is a bit long for a quote, but I just loved the rationale behind this justification of the expense of home brewing. Now, if I can only persuade SWMBO to let me take up recreational flying, she will leave me alone on the beer stuff!

Yuri_Rage said:

HOW ABOUT SOME MORE ECONOMICS? However, if we further consider opportunity cost, I enjoy brewing about as much as I enjoy recreational flying. I'm willing to pay $150 per hour to fly, then I must enjoy brewing at a rate of about $150 per hour. So, to quantify my benefit across 9 hours of brewing activity, I'm getting $1,350 worth of enjoyment per batch. My net cost per batch is now -$1110. At that rate, I broke even (at $7.99/six-pack) before I finished my second batch!

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How about the infamous pshavet post?

pshavet said:

Well I was pretty excited to make my brew but those f'ers didnt send me any sanitizer!!!! I could not wait so I peed in a bucked and washed my equipment with it. I think things went pretty well. Has anyone every used this method? By my calculations it should work ok. Cheers...

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I just found my new sensei!!!!!!

This person knows how to give advice!!!!

SteveM said:

Best advice is to get an opaque plastic primary fermenter. This way, you will never have to look at the process while it is underway. It's not always pretty.

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Not funny, not at all. Definately memorable. Not necessarily in a good way either.

Bernie Brewer said:

I had to walk around for week with a string hanging out of my johnson.

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It Seems like Revvy really has a Passion for NOT DUMPING YOUR BEER!

Revvy said:

The OP, it is one of his poll answers.....

What is scary to contemplate is all the gallons of dumped beer that new brewers thought was ruined for various reasons...

How many were dumped because the airlock never bubbled and they equate bubbling with fermentaion rather than a hydrometer?

How many were dumped for gaskets or arms in the fermenter without letting the beer finish out?

How many were dumped for an "off flavor" because they tasted it only a couple days after they bottled it and it was green?

How many were dumped because they opened the bottle and it wasn't carbed (becasue they didn't wait long enough?)

How many were dumped because they made a simple mistake and thought then that they caused one of the boogeymen of brewing...HSA, etc....

How many were dumped because they thought that wort and beer was so fragile that the mere long look by the brewer would cause it fall into nastiness like a soufle after the oven door got slammed.

Think about all the first time posters who come in here because of one of the afore mentioned issues, who asked before dumping...but think of all those new brewers out there who don't have a resources we have here...or like many of them, have discovered this place AFTER they dumped a batch....

My soul cries for all the yeasties who gave their lives to brewing ignorance....the acres of precious hops wasted....all the gallons of alchohol lost to the toilet and the drain....The Horror...THE HORROR!!!

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This whole thread is going down this road...but this one made me laugh. Great what happens when you take things out of context.

GilaMinumBeer said:

The problem is not the bag but the size (or lack) of the bag.

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Not even gonna say where I saw this one;

jpsloan said:

He needs to upgrade to Wii. Nothing says "I love you" like a nunchuk in a strategic location.

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quixotic said:

The true definition of an addiction: not stopping even when a dog is having his way with you.

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This one is great!

EvilTOJ said:

Not even gonna say where I saw this one;

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Ummmmm....You linked to it....we know what you've been reading.

Wow! I made it to the memorable quotes thread!

Though I fear that my good name is being unduly linked to Deviant Wii behavior...

jpsloan said:

Wow! I made it to the memorable quotes thread!

Though I fear that my good name is being unduly linked to Deviant Wii behavior...

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Hey, anyone here played Mario Party 8? I've been playing it with my cousin this week, and I swear to you, there's a mini-game where the object is to shake up your can of soda the most before time runs out, and whoever shakes it the most times gets the highest spray when they open the can. Sounds innocent enough...

...until you picture what holding the Wii remote in your hand like a soda can and shaking it up and down really looks like.

yeah.

before i even realized this thread existed i had a collection of quotes from the Apfelwein threat I thought were funny...here are a few

Originally Posted by BlindLemonLars
Guys in prison use it all the time, and they seem happy with the results.
They also do other things that I'm pretty sure I wouldn't be happy with.


Originally Posted by BigKahuna
if this is the "Elephant Fart" smell you all talk about, I'VE BEEN HORRIBLY MISINFORMED ABOUT ELEPHANTS.

Originally Posted by Hellbender
After reading recent posts I think this stuff might cure cancer, establish world peace and grow hair!


Originally Posted by BigKahuna
Even the heartiest biggest rough and tumble lumberjack Oil Rigger will have issues if he doesn't mind his apfelwein.

Originally Posted by BigKahuna
Just wait till you get the "Maybe You'd like to sleep with your Damn Apfelwein...That's all You ever talk about" Speech.
I got that one Sunday Silly woman.


Yeah, but you can die from all sorts of activities like driving to work, dropping a carboy, plane crashes, asteroids, etc.
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Cheers,
EdWort


It will sneak up on you so fast, you'll wake up and wonder where your pants are.
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Cheers,
EdWort


I don't recommend adding more than 3 pounds of dextrose to a 5 gallon batch. Any more will make it drier than a popcorn fart.
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Cheers,
EdWort


Whats the 3 glass rule ?
Ya gotta drink 3 glasses before passing judgment.
Depending on the size of the glass, some folks just pass out before passing judgement.
__________________
Cheers,
EdWort


Yep, you can get hammered before quaffing too much to instigate irritable bowel syndrome.
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Cheers,
EdWort


Originally Posted by EdWort
Drink a quart of water and take 3 aspirin before going to sleep tol help reduce the effects of excessive Apfelwein consumption as well as the urge to call EdWort a M'F**kR the next morning!


Yes, grasshopper, the goal does seen so outlandish that it can make one wet himself profusely, BUT it can be achieved if you build up a 30 gallon stockpile and put some away just to see the difference. It is a worthy goal and the rewards are great!
__________________
Cheers,
EdWort

Evan! said:

Sounds innocent enough...

...until you picture what holding the Wii remote in your hand like a soda can and shaking it up and down really looks like.

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I have two bits of bad news for you, Evan.

1) You bought the PS3 version, and

2) That's not your Wii-mote.

Former astronaut Neil Armstrong was once asked if he exercised, and he said, "The good Lord gave us a finite number of heartbeats, and I'm damned if I'm going to use up mine running up and down a street."

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I wish Neil Armstrong was a member here, I would have quoted him.

Revvy said:

I have led an interesting life

I've even published erotica, and once, on a bet and, briefly, AND annonamously, posted the kinda of pictures that Yooper has begged/dared guys to post...And based on the comments I recieved, though I'm no Peter North, I guess I'm no schlub either....

(This post will be deleted in a few minutes so don't DARE quote me on this.)

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So Revvy mentions that he's posted porno pics of his junk on teh interwebz, and he expects me not to quote him on it? Bwah ha ha! Good luck on that one.

Is this the first quotable quote that was actually generated WITHIN the quotable quotes thread!?

Evan! said:

So Revvy mentions that he's posted porno pics of his junk on teh interwebz, and he expects me not to quote him on it? Bwah ha ha! Good luck on that one.

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