The Dysfunctional-Palooza Obnoxious Masshole BS Thread

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Big well done to PTN There were 35-40 people there, and food for 100. I Had an awesome time at the Masstoberfest, brewing my very first all grain batch of beer - a 10 gallon version of Lagunitas IPA clone. Shooting for 1.059, and ended up with 1.060-61. The difference between brewing with extract and all grain feels like losing your virginity all over again (I've got a Madonna song echoing through my head). Didn't rain at all, three different brews were made (Bird brewed a RyePA, and Jim and Mike finished up a stout - but they kept talking with Scotish accents, so they were hard to follow at times).

The pork was awesome - nice and moist, with some great rubs and sauces, and the second batch of ribs had a great bite.

I just want to thank PTN, bird, and everyone on this forum for putting together parties like this. We met a new guy, Brian, (aka blue moose, or something) out of Vermont,. who really helped during the mash and brew-

I was very surprised that whole grain brewing takes that much longer than extract ( I knew it was going to be hours longer, but I didn't know how many hours), but I wouldn't change a thing. I feel much more like a brewer using whole grains than extract.

Thanks again to all involved.

Brew On!
 
FYI,
just got home after PTN's party, then a hotel room, then driving to NH and watching the Pat's finally NOT SUCK, so my "trip report's" not the best, magazine quality report. But, that said......

Everyone at Masstoberfest Rocked!!!! The rest of you still suck!

Y'All missed a good time.
 
Hey Mort, I meant to bring the smoked-beers book for you to look at, but forgot. PM me your email address, and I'll copy/scan the chapter on home-smoking and send you a PDF.
 
I figure six hours for an all grain batch, that's a considerable difference in time from a partial mash or a straight up extract. And doing your first one, with twenty people looking over your shoulder offering 'constructive criticism' and the one guy who really knows how to use the system dropping by once an hour or so for a cameo brew instruction is what earned you the Masstoberfest Cup.

Hey, will it be prominently displayed at the Sea Rovers convention?
 
No trophies up here in VT (wow) .. just foliage and lots of dirt roads...mea culpa me no make masstoberfest..

Sunday Oct 7th - Windham VT .. come do it again, except on a nano-scale in little Windham..we'll have elephant rides, water-skiing, go-cart races, and dog-sledding, along with enough room to brew 5 gallons of home brew (or 10 if you push it) .. come and see the live California yeast and drink some exotic offerings..

So far, we have reserverd 1 spot for the BIRD, so seats are going FAST!

Send me a PM if you need more info

Bill Clark
Windham, VT
 
Hey Bird, just PM'd you.
And yeah PTN, I certainly learned a lot about brewing all grain in just one day - well worth it, and can't wait to finish my eHERMS system at home and be able to brew in comfort year round.

Regahdin that gawd offal wicked huge troffey, and the rekwyament of havin ta upgrade it for next yeah, lets just say, the 2013 winnah may hafta build a new wing on their house ta fit it inside. ifyaknowwhatimean.
 
In the final days of one of the most painful seasons of his career, Red Sox Manager Bobby Valentine on Tuesday lay entangled with his bicycle at the bottom of a ditch next to the Central Park Reservoir.

On the wet, slippery path, Valentine was reading a text on his phone from Dustin Pedroia, the Red Sox second baseman, and riding his bicycle. When he looked up, he had to swerve to avoid the umbrellas of two French tourists walking in front of him. The bike skidded, and he lost his balance and went careening head over pedals down the side of the hill by the road.

“I shouldn’t have been reading a text while I was riding, ” he said. “That’s the wrong thing to do. But at least I was wearing my helmet.”

Valentine sustained minor injuries to his knees and hips. An avid cyclist, Valentine rides his bicycle to Fenway Park most days and takes it on trips to ride in the afternoons before heading to the ballpark.

Pedroia had texted Valentine to tell him that he would play in Tuesday’s game against the Yankees despite a broken left ring finger.

“Hey, if he can play with that, I can certainly manage with this,” he said, showing the bandages on his legs.

http://www.nytimes.com/2012/10/03/s...l?nl=todaysheadlines&emc=tha27_20121003&_r=1&

It's like a metaphor for the whole ****ing season.
 
Figures the f'ing french screwed that up too. If it was two sox fans with umbrellas, Booby and his bike wouldn't have been found until next spring.
 
How about an A-f'in Men!! Although I still think it's a pity that he wasn't ambushed by a couple of umbrellas in the park.

But, what makes the news sweeter to me, is that I found out about BV getting canned as I just sat down at a brand new bar for lunch in Burlington, MA right next to the mall called Tavern on the Square. They finished building the place 6-8 weeks ago, but I never made it over there - turns out they had 44 beers on tap!!!!!! Wahoo, what a score right next to work. Almost 1/2 were great local brews and microbrews, some from brewery's I've never heard of. Noqw, every time I go back, I can have a great beer, and always remember that it's where I was when he who-must-not-be-named was taken down.

Some of the beers and/or brews included
wormtown IPA (Worcester), goose island (MI), opa opa (never even heard of them before, but a very good IPA), ipswich, cape ann in gloucester, Cambridge Brewing Co, Wachusett, Alagash, pliney the elder, pretty things, and some out of NY that I hadn't heard of. (and yeah, I'm kidding 'bout PTE, but WTF, had to try)

and here's there list of their 2o or so "standard" drafts
Available in Regular or 23 oz.
Angry Orchard Hard Cider – (Cincinnati, OH) 5%
Bass Ale – (England) 5%
Blue Moon – (Golden,CO) 4.2%
Budweiser – (St. Louis, MO) 5%
Bud Light – (St. Louis, MO) 4.2%
Coors Light – (Golden,CO) 4.2%
Harpoon IPA – (Boston,MA) 5.9%
Harpoon Seasonal – (Boston,MA) 5%-5.9%
Hoegaarden– (Belgium) 4.9%
Goose Island Honkers Ale – (Chicago, IL) 4.2%
Guinness – (Dublin, Ireland) 4.2%
Long Trail Ale –(Bridgewater, Corners, VT) 4.6%
Sam Adams Lager –(Boston, MA 4.8%)
Sam Adams Seasonal – (Boston, MA)3.5%- 5.4%
Seadog Blueberry – (Portland, ME) 4.7%
Shipyard Seasonal – (Portland, ME) 4.7%-6.7%
Shock Top Raspberry Wheat – (St. Louis, MO) 5.2%
Stella Artois – (Leuven, Belgium) 5.2%
Widmer Drifter Pale Ale (Portland, OR) 5.7%
Woodchuck Pear Cider – (Middelbury,VT) 4%
 
So, Berktoberfest is happening Saturday. Another event I wont be attending thanks to my friggin crappy hours here. The three local nanobreweries will be featured along with homebrewers, several other craft brewers from Ma, Me, and England...food, beer, and no barney.
 
How about an A-f'in Men!! Although I still think it's a pity that he wasn't ambushed by a couple of umbrellas in the park.

But, what makes the news sweeter to me, is that I found out about BV getting canned as I just sat down at a brand new bar for lunch in Burlington, MA right next to the mall called Tavern on the Square. They finished building the place 6-8 weeks ago, but I never made it over there - turns out they had 44 beers on tap!!!!!! Wahoo, what a score right next to work. Almost 1/2 were great local brews and microbrews, some from brewery's I've never heard of. Noqw, every time I go back, I can have a great beer, and always remember that it's where I was when he who-must-not-be-named was taken down.

Some of the beers and/or brews included
wormtown IPA (Worcester), goose island (MI), opa opa (never even heard of them before, but a very good IPA), ipswich, cape ann in gloucester, Cambridge Brewing Co, Wachusett, Alagash, pliney the elder, pretty things, and some out of NY that I hadn't heard of. (and yeah, I'm kidding 'bout PTE, but WTF, had to try)

and here's there list of their 2o or so "standard" drafts
Available in Regular or 23 oz.
Angry Orchard Hard Cider – (Cincinnati, OH) 5%
Bass Ale – (England) 5%
Blue Moon – (Golden,CO) 4.2%
Budweiser – (St. Louis, MO) 5%
Bud Light – (St. Louis, MO) 4.2%
Coors Light – (Golden,CO) 4.2%
Harpoon IPA – (Boston,MA) 5.9%
Harpoon Seasonal – (Boston,MA) 5%-5.9%
Hoegaarden– (Belgium) 4.9%
Goose Island Honkers Ale – (Chicago, IL) 4.2%
Guinness – (Dublin, Ireland) 4.2%
Long Trail Ale –(Bridgewater, Corners, VT) 4.6%
Sam Adams Lager –(Boston, MA 4.8%)
Sam Adams Seasonal – (Boston, MA)3.5%- 5.4%
Seadog Blueberry – (Portland, ME) 4.7%
Shipyard Seasonal – (Portland, ME) 4.7%-6.7%
Shock Top Raspberry Wheat – (St. Louis, MO) 5.2%
Stella Artois – (Leuven, Belgium) 5.2%
Widmer Drifter Pale Ale (Portland, OR) 5.7%
Woodchuck Pear Cider – (Middelbury,VT) 4%

Looks like In-Bev has the lion's share of regulars.
 
Looks like In-Bev has the lion's share of regulars.

Why does that matter? Why do beer snobs (and I'm not pointing a finger at you, BG) always turn up their noses at a beer if it's made by a big corporation? I don[t get it. Goose Island suddenly stopped being good beer when it got bought by InBev? Bullsheet.

Lets take a huge leap of faith here and imagine for a moment that Cape and his boys actually do start brewing beer some day. (Ya, we all know that thats not going to happen but just play along with me for a moment.) So Bog Water brews starts pumping out the suds and it catches on. Pretty soon everyone is talking about what a great beer it is. Everyone wants a pint of Bogwater. Suddenly, you can't drive down to the hardware store for some fertilizer and pop in to the brewery and have a beer with Cape, Frank and Matt like in the good old days. They have moved to an office somewhere and there is a Brazillian (Rod?) in the brewery making the beer.

So how is that bad? I'd rather drink with Rod anyways, he's more fun than Cape. But the beer is the same, so why would I stop drinking it?

Now, we all know that none of this is ever actually going to happen. We all know that Bog Water is just an exercise in three guys throwing away their retirement money. But you get the picture. Why the mindset that bigger is, by definition, bad?
 
I've seen better tap lists, but that's mostly a function of how great it is to live even in the hinterlands of MA, beer-wise. But, I'd still love to work next door to a place that had those brews on draft.
 
Don't cry for Mort. I use to live up in Nashua and visit Martha's Exchange a lot. He's got a good selection at home. They use to be inconsistent in quality but I think that's changed. It's been a while but I was there about a month ago during their Happy Hour which has a different meaning outside of Masshole. Great selection off the beer and food menu at a great price. Some kind of weird token methodology for paying but hey that lets you know when you've had too much.

Bird, sounds like you need to be a distributor for BIB in the armpit of Masshole for the college crowd.
 
TheDudeLebowski said:
Bird, sounds like you need to be a distributor for BIB in the armpit of Masshole for the college crowd.

Oh that's just perfect!!!

I can already see the lead story on the 11 o'clock news. Ron Burgundy interviewing the_bird after he gets busted for selling cases of BIB to UMass freshman for $3.99/case.

"She showed me an ID. How was I supposed to know she wasn't a 34 year old hausfrau from Philly? I'm not responsible for the glut of fake ID's out there!"
 
Why does that matter? Why do beer snobs (and I'm not pointing a finger at you, BG) always turn up their noses at a beer if it's made by a big corporation? I don[t get it. Goose Island suddenly stopped being good beer when it got bought by InBev? Bullsheet.

Lets take a huge leap of faith here and imagine for a moment that Cape and his boys actually do start brewing beer some day. (Ya, we all know that thats not going to happen but just play along with me for a moment.) So Bog Water brews starts pumping out the suds and it catches on. Pretty soon everyone is talking about what a great beer it is. Everyone wants a pint of Bogwater. Suddenly, you can't drive down to the hardware store for some fertilizer and pop in to the brewery and have a beer with Cape, Frank and Matt like in the good old days. They have moved to an office somewhere and there is a Brazillian (Rod?) in the brewery making the beer.

So how is that bad? I'd rather drink with Rod anyways, he's more fun than Cape. But the beer is the same, so why would I stop drinking it?

Now, we all know that none of this is ever actually going to happen. We all know that Bog Water is just an exercise in three guys throwing away their retirement money. But you get the picture. Why the mindset that bigger is, by definition, bad?

Now you just wait a minute. I cant believe you copped that attitude, and went down that path with me! Creating this whole fabrication with some Brazillian guy brewing and everything. Damn you!!!!!!

If you are going to have a Brazillian doing the brewing, make it a hot lingerie model like Adriana Lima!!! Wow, I cant believe I had to spell this out for you.

Oh, and I was just making an observation about the tap order. I like Goose Island too, and dont have a problem with a major buying a craft brewer out.
 
You've never seen Rod in a bikini. If you had you would understand why Cape was overthrown as King of the SSBC.

I consider myself blessed.

I can only imagine the retinal damage.

So, I wonder if anyone made it to Berktoberfest. Its actually one of the very good things that occur out here. I hate to miss it. And I hate being up and working these stoopid hours. nights weekends and holidays. Sux.
 
Good grief. Are you two farktards talking about some bimbo on the cooking channel on this thread? Listen, even THIS thread has a threshold. God knows it's low but there is one and talking about cooking shows doesn't clear that minimal level.

Both of you to the Penalty Box for the rest of the weekend!
 
Did someone mention Martha's Exchange? They've got great beers there, and if you have too many, it's an easy $12 cabride home. And yes, we up here in the granite state can still have real happy hours! At Martha's, from 4-6 M-F it's buy one drink, get the second for a penny (that's any drink, whether house drafts, or martinis!). What time is it now? Damn, I'll have to wait.

I was on Block Island over the weekend. They've got a brewery over there, right in Old Harbor called Mohegan Cafe. Some of the worse beers I've ever had. They had a pale ale that definitely had some unintended funk going on, and a jalepeno beer that didn't work either. Left 1/2 a pint on the table, the stuff was so bad.

You ever go into a place with a bunch of beers on tap, and you still see someone drinking a bud light? It's places like Mohegan cafe that keep that attitude going.
 
Birthday wishes out to John Lennon. Kookoockachoo!

Coming from you, Paulie, I really would have expected you to sing the "I am the walrus" part.

Walrus.jpg
 
... and I think his point was he was expecting you to actually start with the "I am the walrus" part... kinda like he said in plain English in his post.

I dunno... sounds like the pot calling the kettle a farktard.

Oh hey Paulie... can you believe freakin' Ryan Wendell for the Pats and how he's going to get Brady killed by bobbing his head before he snaps the ball every time (shaking my head in disgust)
 
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