Worst brew-related incident so far. SWMBO almost kicked me out.

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DavidSteel

DavidSteel

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Friday (yesterday) I decide to brew 11 gallons of Centennial Blonde. I am only suppose to brew while SWMBO is not home and I knew she'd be gone from 8a.m.-4p.m. and then from 4:20p.m.-12:00a.m. She was here for that 20 minute window and the only reason she doesn't want me to brew is because it smells. Well, she got to smell the house in that 20 minute window (after I was done brewing) and flipped out. The smell was actually gone by 4:51 because I opened a lot of windows to make is dissipate quickly. I had it all planned out. But because she got to smell it, she got crazy pissed and to make a long story short, she said I can't brew anymore (in the house, I presume) and threatened to kick me out. Crazy stuff.

Since I can get the smell out in an hour or so, it seems like she freaked out for no reason. She didn't come home until 12:30 a.m. that night and the smell was clearly gone by then. The same thing happens when you make cookies. The house smells like cookies for the next hour or so. Same thing with popcorn. You burn popcorn and that smell won't go away for a while. Let's say someone accidentally burned their popcorn (SWMBO eats at least 2 bags of popcorn every day). Is that anything to get super pissed off about? I personally think that I pretty much did the equivalent of making a bag of pop corn, I mean- she only had to experience it for 20 minutes (right when I finished everything). Weird stuff.
 
Honestly you really need to assess your relationship if your woman is walking all over you like that. This is not a gender argument, it works both ways. A healthy relationship is balanced and this does not sound like a balanced relationship.

If brewing is something that you care about then tell her that and that if she cares about you she would find a way to deal with the smell for short periods of time as you already brew around her schedule.
 
StaggerBrew said:
Wow, that sucks.
Hopefully she won't hold to it and you'll be able to have another brew day soon!
Click to expand...

Probably just going to invest in getting a gas burner for outside. Going to make brewing a hell of a hassle sitting outside and it's going to throw back my brewing fund a bit too. Seems so unnecessary. I'm pretty much all out of money lol.
 
I'd tell my old lady to shut it. And then I'd toss all her GD popcorn out the front door.
 
Well let me put in my 2 cents....

She isn't really mad over the smell. Something else is the issue she has with you brewing beer. The smell is an excuse thing. You need to find the root of the actual issue and clear it up then I'm sure the smell thing will go away.

I do recommend brewing outside. It's much easier to handle and clean up. Also you get to be out drinking and brewing which is very peaceful.

Now if you can't get to the bottom of the issue perhaps then you need to look at if this relationship is gonna work for you both.

Best bet is to make brew day a happy day for her. So when your done with brew day make the rest of the day about her. She will then assiocate brew day with something good. So brew in morning then that afternoon spend taking her to dinner and movies or dinner and a movie in. Either way this will help I think.:rockin:
 
Hmmm.... makes me wonder if she has control issues. It's my experience that because she had gotten SO pissed off is that there may be other underlying issues that she's not capable of dealing with and for some reason the "smell" sets her off. Some people have what is called passive/aggresive problems and they hold everything in and just explode over something so small. People shouldn't live like this. It's not healthy and it's not right for someone to be told that they can't use the home that they live in for personal interests. That's the reason it's called a "home". I'm assuming you pay rent or own. Now if it's her house and she let's you stay there for free then yeah maybe she does have the right to lay down some rules. Another thing is that you wrote about how she stayed away until 12:30 am. That in itself seems childish. BTW is this your wife or girlfriend you're talking about? Maybe you two need a counseling session and see what gives. Anyway that's my $.02's worth. Good luck
 
I don't mean to mess up the good Dave thing you got going here, but if this is the only area of division, buy a burner, boil outside and if she still needs to attempt to assert control, have her do so with boxes of her shyt.
 
DavidSteel said:
Friday (yesterday) I decide to brew 11 gallons of Centennial Blonde. I am only suppose to brew while SWMBO is not home and I knew she'd be gone from 8a.m.-4p.m. and then from 4:20p.m.-12:00a.m. She was here for that 20 minute window and the only reason she doesn't want me to brew is because it smells. Well, she got to smell the house in that 20 minute window (after I was done brewing) and flipped out. The smell was actually gone by 4:51 because I opened a lot of windows to make is dissipate quickly. I had it all planned out. But because she got to smell it, she got crazy pissed and to make a long story short, she said I can't brew anymore (in the house, I presume) and threatened to kick me out. Crazy stuff.

Since I can get the smell out in an hour or so, it seems like she freaked out for no reason. She didn't come home until 12:30 a.m. that night and the smell was clearly gone by then. The same thing happens when you make cookies. The house smells like cookies for the next hour or so. Same thing with popcorn. You burn popcorn and that smell won't go away for a while. Let's say someone accidentally burned their popcorn (SWMBO eats at least 2 bags of popcorn every day). Is that anything to get super pissed off about? I personally think that I pretty much did the equivalent of making a bag of pop corn, I mean- she only had to experience it for 20 minutes (right when I finished everything). Weird stuff.
Click to expand...

LOL

I am only laughing because my wife HATES the smell. I really pissed her off the other day when I was whipping up a starter, got distracted and had a boil over major on the flat top electric stove. Crap still won't come off. Man do I hear about that EVERY morning.

:tank:
 
Life's too short to spend it getting nagged. My wife loves my homebrewing and winemaking projects. She sometimes tells me to quit being lazy and make more stuff. If she nagged me so much that I referred to my brewday as an "incident," she'd be packing and leaving inside of a week.
 
Also, out of curiosity...

What was she doing between 8:00AM and 4:00PM and then from 4:30PM to 12:00AM?

Work then out with friends?
 
Posts like this make me feel lucky. My SWMBO hates the smell of beer and REALLY hates the smell of my brewing in the kitchen, but she knows I enjoy it and it's something my daughter and I usually do together so she puts up with it.

She's said several times that I should build an outbuilding and outfit it as a complete brewery so I can move everything out there. SWMBO telling me to set up a brewhaus in the backyard? Yes ma'am! Whatever you want dear! :D

I'm with the folks who say things need to be reassessed. It really is a minor thing she's blowing out of proportion and it doesn't sound like she's wanting a 50/50 relationship that a marriage has to be. I'm sure you put up with many things as well because you care about her. She can give you the same consideration.
 
brewagentjay said:
Well let me put in my 2 cents....

She isn't really mad over the smell. Something else is the issue she has with you brewing beer. The smell is an excuse thing. You need to find the root of the actual issue and clear it up then I'm sure the smell thing will go away.

I do recommend brewing outside. It's much easier to handle and clean up. Also you get to be out drinking and brewing which is very peaceful.

Now if you can't get to the bottom of the issue perhaps then you need to look at if this relationship is gonna work for you both.

Best bet is to make brew day a happy day for her. So when your done with brew day make the rest of the day about her. She will then assiocate brew day with something good. So brew in morning then that afternoon spend taking her to dinner and movies or dinner and a movie in. Either way this will help I think.:rockin:
Click to expand...

Haha, man you hit it on the nail. SWMBO's mom was an alcoholic and died because someone snuck her booz when she was in the hospital. She slipped and died in the bathroom or something. Great advice about the making brew-day about her though, I'll keep that in mind.
 
bosdave said:
Also, out of curiosity...

What was she doing between 8:00AM and 4:00PM and then from 4:30PM to 12:00AM?

Work then out with friends?
Click to expand...

Work, got home, left for a big cheer-leading practice that lasted until midnight (she's a coach).
 
I do stove top. I had to fix my exhaust fan, but that seemed to help. I have to agree that some brews like a stout can be a 'tad much'. That and all of the steam. Exhaust young Jedi.....
 
bosdave said:
Hmmm lots of Dave's in this thread.
Click to expand...

There really are. I'm not one.

On topic, my wife is perfectly ok with me brewing, so I'm not sure where yours is coming from. It may help that she loves to cook, and I have her help out by choosing flavor profiles and styles when planning a beer to make.
 
ChshreCat said:
Posts like this make me feel lucky. My SWMBO hates the smell of beer and REALLY hates the smell of my brewing in the kitchen, but she knows I enjoy it and it's something my daughter and I usually do together so she puts up with it.

She's said several times that I should build an outbuilding and outfit it as a complete brewery so I can move everything out there. SWMBO telling me to set up a brewhaus in the backyard? Yes ma'am! Whatever you want dear! :D

I'm with the folks who say things need to be reassessed. It really is a minor thing she's blowing out of proportion and it doesn't sound like she's wanting a 50/50 relationship that a marriage has to be. I'm sure you put up with many things as well because you care about her. She can give you the same consideration.
Click to expand...

I actually am in the same boat and am lucky as hell. My two daughters are my brewing helpers (8 and 4) and love getting a chance to name the beers. My wife is also a big-beer fan (big in that she loves Surly, Old Ales and IPA's).

She is behind my desire and plans to build an automated brewery in our basement with taps in a new bar area.

She just can't stand the smell of malt and wort boiling away!

Oh yeah, and she is still pissed I messed up her stove. :D
 
Swordsman said:
There really are. I'm not one.

On topic, my wife is perfectly ok with me brewing, so I'm not sure where yours is coming from. It may help that she loves to cook, and I have her help out by choosing flavor profiles and styles when planning a beer to make.
Click to expand...

I do all the cooking around here lol.

Hermit said:
I do stove top. I had to fix my exhaust fan, but that seemed to help. I have to agree that some brews like a stout can be a 'tad much'. That and all of the steam. Exhaust young Jedi.....
Click to expand...

Yeah, agreed. But I was just doing a simple Centennial Blonde. The only thing that smelled really was the hops.
 
DavidSteel said:
Haha, man you hit it on the nail. SWMBO's mom was an alcoholic and died because someone snuck her booz when she was in the hospital. She slipped and died in the bathroom or something. Great advice about the making brew-day about her though, I'll keep that in mind.
Click to expand...

I am far and away the worst couch counselor, but, I was going to suggest the same thing. Maybe make her something she likes, like EdWorts Apfelwein? Even soda. I make my wife's favorite Surly clone every 6 months. I think the effort pays off.

Going back to your original thoughts - It is worth getting the equpiment to brew outside if for no other reason than it shows you are respecting her. Let's face it - use husbands are just renting space in the homes of our wives! No matter how much my wife supports my brewing, and loves beer, if I did not keep the house clean, make sure I put all stuff away, and basically don't have my brewing inconvenience her home, all is cool. Mess that up and I am toast.

Rules of Engagement for me.
 
DavidSteel said:
....Let's say someone accidentally burned their popcorn (SWMBO eats at least 2 bags of popcorn every day). Is that anything to get super pissed off about? I personally think that I pretty much did the equivalent of making a bag of pop corn, I mean- she only had to experience it for 20 minutes (right when I finished everything). Weird stuff.
Click to expand...

:confused:

That's some weak ass stuff there. Totally weak. A bag'o'popcorn (or two) each day is much more offensive than 20 minutes of cooked malt-water in ...11 gallons should last quite a while.

I'd call double-standard on SWMBO, as you are compromising each day she eats microwaved popcorn. ... and move your brewing apparatus outside. :)
 
Lol... I agree that theres something else bothering her and she is blowing up at the smell. I would try to figure out the reason why rather than change your brewing habbits, because that just sounds unreasonable for her to almost kick you out because of it...

how about you kick HER out instead ;)
 
dougf said:
how about you kick HER out instead ;)
Click to expand...

Actually, that's not a bad idea...

Does she like doing the girly stuff? Day of facials and manicures and that stuff? Might be worth it to spring for something like that when you have a big brew day. If she gets something like that to do while you stink up the house, she might actually start encouraging you to brew more!
 
My GF from a previous relationship couldn't stand the smell of brewing (I don't get ot either. It smells good to me:) ), so I always tried to brew when she wasn'0t around. Even that was kinda a big deal too. It took a long time for the smell to fully dissapate (even with windows open/fans running). We lived in an aprtment at the time, so outdoor brewing wasn't a feasable option. I actually gave up brewing for a long time becasue it wasnt worth the hassle.

Long story short, I feel your pain.

Even so, I think your SWMBO way overeacted. Even my ex would have been reasonoable about only a 20 minute exposure, and she really hated the smell. I would calmly talk to her about it. Let her know how much brewing means to you. I would hope she would be supportive. If not, well...

Luckily, my current SWMBO actually encourages me to brew 'cause she know it makes me happy :ban:. And she doesnt't even like beer. :)
 
My immediate first thought was, "Pfft, I would never put up with that." But then again my girlfriend loves to brew with me... it's like a further-bonding experience each time we do... Your SWMBO sounds like my parents...

But in all honestly, I wouldn't put up with that. There needs to be compromises or simply her just chilling the f*** out.
 
SWMBO hates the smell of hops. Our daughter on the other hand likes it so much she wants to boil a few ounces of Amarillo in water, reduce the water down to concentrate it and wear it as perfume.
 
ChshreCat said:
Actually, that's not a bad idea...

Does she like doing the girly stuff? Day of facials and manicures and that stuff? Might be worth it to spring for something like that when you have a big brew day. If she gets something like that to do while you stink up the house, she might actually start encouraging you to brew more!
Click to expand...

Haha, she does some weird girly stuff every now and then and that is usually when I try to brew. But as you can see, she has to be gone the WHOLE day. I almost have to brew like a ninja.

meddin said:
Even so, I think your SWMBO way overeacted.
Click to expand...
She likes to over-react on just about everything. I'm pretty much stuck with her for a while.

ChshreCat said:
SWMBO hates the smell of hops. Our daughter on the other hand likes it so much she wants to boil a few ounces of Amarillo in water, reduce the water down to concentrate it and wear it as perfume.
Click to expand...

If I smelled hops on a woman, I'd probably unconsciously start following her around haha :mug:
 
MeatyPortion said:
I would definitely get counseling. The situation with her mother is tragic but that's no excuse for her taking it out on you.
Click to expand...

I'm just going to let this one go for a while. I have no more money for ingredients and I just used up the last of my bulk 2-row with this batch.
 

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