Is it infected? WTF is going on?

Been brewing a year now... still consider myself somewhat a newb. I have no idea what is going on with a Northern Brewer Cream Ale I have in the fridge. I let it condition in the bottles and it had larger bubbles and seemed to taste of CO2. I was gone for a short deployment (60 days). I came back and there is **** floating everywhere in it. When I open them they overflow like a mother.... for several minutes. What is going on? Are they ruined? Thanks for your help!

Sounds like infection. Sorry.

Sounds like you caught an infection from the **** floating in it. Otherwise I would've said you bottled either a) before it was done fermenting or b) added too much priming sugar. But with your statement of floaties in it + spraying all over. I'd have to say you got infected bottles.
Just my .02. I'm sure others a lot more experienced than I could give your better explanations or solutions but from where I stand I don't think there's much you can do about it. If you chill the bottles severely you might be able to get one to not foam all over the place.

Did you try tasting any of the ones that had foamed or were they unsalvageable?

Thanks for the advice. They are cold as ice in beer fridge out in the garage (have been there for at least 80 days). The floaty stuff looks weird... dusty looking stuff on the inside walls of the bottle and other stuff that looks like yeast clumps suspended in loogies.... I have no other idea of how to describe it. I have drank a couple of them that didn't look as bad as the others. It wasn't good but wasn't intolerable.