Whizz

My downstairs neighbor, she of the loud throaty sex noises, has smuggled a cat into her apartment. I'm a little annoyed that she is doing this, seeing as how the yutz landlord has forbidden pets and we really wanted a dog when we moved in, but thats not what really bugs me.

What bugs me is the whole house, once you open the outside door and until you close the door to my apartment, smells like cat urine. I've been in houses with multiple cats that didnt smell this bad.

See this is why I am usually stunned when people call me a grumpy jerk... I put up with a LOT of random nonsense. I'm weighing the pros and cons of telling her, because when the yutz comes to pick up the rent check and yammer incoherently about the trash cans (Airborne at least knows what I am talking about) he's going to fly into a rage. Speaking of Airborne, if the landlord accuses us of being the ones who have an animal I'm going to find myself in the back of Airborne's squad car.

Arg.

Sigh. It will pass.

Urine.

Although it's frowned upon in most American Societies, Cat is actually a very tasty and tender animal.

And they are INSANELY easy to catch.

Here's what you do:

1. Dig a bit hole
2. Burn a bunch of trash in there until it's all consumed
3. place peas all around the hole
4. when the cat goes to take a pea, kick it in the ash hole.

Grumpy Jerk.

Make likes it's a baby seal and club it to death.

Seriously. Tell the landlord.

I wont have to tell him... lol... you'd have to duct tape your nostrils shut to not notice.

This is a simple solution that has no need for outside intervention.

Find this cat and let is know who's boss with a string of curse words and situations that make is painfully aware of what happens to things that urinate.

"The last cat that..." is a great starting point.

TxBrew said:

This is a simple solution that has no need for outside intervention.

Find this cat and let is know who's boss with a string of curse words and situations that make is painfully aware of what happens to things that urinate.

"The last cat that..." is a great starting point.

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Agreed. I have found cats to usually be morte intelligent and open minded than their owners.

Homercidal said:

Although it's frowned upon in most American Societies, Cat is actually a very tasty and tender animal.

And they are INSANELY easy to catch.

Here's what you do:

1. Dig a bit hole
2. Burn a bunch of trash in there until it's all consumed
3. place peas all around the hole
4. when the cat goes to take a pea, kick it in the ash hole.

Click to expand...

Burning trash and kicking cats...can this advice be any more spot on?

cheezydemon3 said:

Agreed. I have found cats to usually be morte intelligent and open minded than their owners.

Click to expand...

Morte? Freudian slip?

Given the severity of the smell and the inhabitants, I'd say you have to nuke the entire site from orbit. It's the only way to be sure.

[ame]http://youtu.be/aCbfMkh940Q[/ame]

Maybe she's cheesing

Take a ride...



On Heavy Metal!

I had the same problem when the nextdoor neighbor started a daycare center in our residential neighborhood. Sounded like a playground out there as she just let the kids out in the yard all day screaming and yelling. I guess 8 kids was not determined a business in our town but she wanted to expand to more kids and declare her house as a business. She petitioned our neighborhood to change it from residential to business zoned. Solved the problem by putting up a sign that read "Pitbull Breeding Kennel" on the front lawn. Was going to sue here for tormenting our dogs with all those fat kids running around next to our adjacent yard.

NOTE: half this story is true

Thanks, I just laughed so hard I farted...

TheDudeLebowski said:

I had the same problem when the nextdoor neighbor started a daycare center in our residential neighborhood. Sounded like a playground out there as she just let the kids out in the yard all day screaming and yelling. I guess 8 kids was not determined a business in our town but she wanted to expand to more kids and declare her house as a business. She petitioned our neighborhood to change it from residential to business zoned. Solved the problem by putting up a sign that read "Pitbull Breeding Kennel" on the front lawn. Was going to sue here for tormenting our dogs with all those fat kids running around next to our adjacent yard.

NOTE: half this story is true

Click to expand...

Hugh_Jass said:

Given the severity of the smell and the inhabitants, I'd say you have to nuke the entire site from orbit. It's the only way to be sure.

http://youtu.be/aCbfMkh940Q

Click to expand...

No link needed. Bad ass quote regardless.....carry on.

Funny, my downstairs neighbors apartment smelled like that too.... only they didn't have pets . :-(

Don't you have a casserole recipe to remedy this problem?

Since pets aren't permitted, it must be a stray... therefore taking care of it is only your neighborly duty.

Maybe it's not the cats. Maybe the neighbor has been hoarding Simcoe...

Sounds like a CATastrophe about to happen!

Maybe you should get a CATapult and solve the problem.

Call your local Chinese restaurant.

Pellet gun; nuff said.

I'm an absolute mush so for the past couple years I have been letting her use our wireless connection (she gave us $60 and we havent discussed it since). I don't mind the sex noises (cuz what can ya do?) nor the ultra volume karaoke that takes place on Saturday mornings (I now have Living on Prayer stuck in my head) but geez, burn some insence or something at least. This girl also has a tendency to disappear for long periods of time and then we'll get a knock on our door from her coworkers or her family wondering if shes been murdered. I have always had a hard time getting my act together and being an adult but I think 26 is a bit too old for this silliness.

Oh, and she left my grill open during a rain storm. I felt all the Sicilian blood hit my brain at the same time, and I had to wait a good hour before I could mention it to her.

Update: Did you know that as cat urine dissipates, it smells less like ammonia and more like homeless person?

I can assure you, it is so.

Is that so?

CreamyGoodness said:

Update: Did you know that as cat urine dissipates, it smells less like ammonia and more like homeless person?

I can assure you, it is so.

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OH! OK.

She moved out! And she left 20 bags of garbage and a hedgehog cage on our front stoop!

I dont want to think about what happened to the hedgehog... I'm sure it wasnt good...

Was this chick hot?

Yeah totally, which is probably why she got away with it with the landlord.

CreamyGoodness said:

She moved out! And she left 20 bags of garbage and a hedgehog cage on our front stoop!

I dont want to think about what happened to the hedgehog... I'm sure it wasnt good...

Click to expand...

Looks like she finally had enough of you.

Pfffft.

Yeah, Creamy didn't mention that he runs out to the street every morning at 5:45 am, screams profanities as he shaves his butt and his scrotum for 1 hour, and then runs back inside.

At 6 pm, he sings Kumbaya at the top of his lungs out the back door and then runs to the front yard and pretends to be passed out naked in the front yard until help arrives, at which point he laughs maniacaly and runs inside to watch Kindergarden Cop at full volume with the door barred.

I didnt see that one coming, not going to lie.

Sorry to out you, but I have it all on time elapsed camera.....

cheezydemon3 said:

Yeah, Creamy didn't mention that he runs out to the street every morning at 5:45 am, screams profanities as he shaves his butt and his scrotum for 1 hour, and then runs back inside.

At 6 pm, he sings Kumbaya at the top of his lungs out the back door and then runs to the front yard and pretends to be passed out naked in the front yard until help arrives, at which point he laughs maniacaly and runs inside to watch Kindergarden Cop at full volume with the door barred.

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It wasn't mentioned because it's an understood.

Anyone else thinking Seinfeld and deli slicer?

I stopped reading at "loud throaty sex noises". Now, what were you saying?

TxBrew said:

It wasn't mentioned because it's an understood.

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CRAP. I thought it was redundant, but stoopid me, posted anyways.

I will link the vid later, but warning, it is 16 hours long.

On my way out the door, instead of cat whizz, the apartment smells of fresh paint and brewing coffee.

I think I prefer this neighbor.

CreamyGoodness said:

On my way out the door, instead of cat whizz, the apartment smells of fresh paint and brewing coffee.

I think I prefer this neighbor.

Click to expand...

Yeah but no throaty sex noises?

Not so far, but I'm not looking forward to finding out.