Ok, I'm new to brewing beer. But what would this get me?

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peptobismol

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If I use bakers yeast (I know big no no), molasses, powdered sugar, and distilled water? I know how to still it and prepare it and everything. Probably let it ferment for 2 weeks in a warm dry place with a valve especially since bakers yeast produces more carbon dioxide than alcohol.
 
It would get you nasty hooch, nothing remotely beerlike.

And we don't talk about distilling in this forum, since here in America, it is illegal, and we respect the forum too much, just like we repect the art and craft of brewing to do what you want to do.

Hooch thread reported to mods.
 
^ Agreed. If you have a brewing question, feel free to ask and you will get thoughtful responses.
 
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