I am an idiot

CornyKegs 728
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Let me see if i got this right. You steep the hamsters, mash the gerbils at 158f, sparge at 175f. Then dry hop with either salmon or those little green turtles your kids got. Leave lid off for 30 minutes or until dog passes out then bottle or keg. My only guestion is what volume to carb too?
 
grem135 said:
Let me see if i got this right. You steep the hamsters, mash the gerbils at 158f, sparge at 175f. Then dry hop with either salmon or those little green turtles your kids got. Leave lid off for 30 minutes or until dog passes out then bottle or keg. My only guestion is what volume to carb too?
Click to expand...

24.32 of course
 
CAR! *Time out*

You know, this thread has become a goldmine of ridiculous signature quotes.

*Time in* GAME ON!
 
grem135 said:
Let me see if i got this right. You steep the hamsters, mash the gerbils at 158f, sparge at 175f. Then dry hop with either salmon or those little green turtles your kids got. Leave lid off for 30 minutes or until dog passes out then bottle or keg. My only guestion is what volume to carb too?
Click to expand...

In order to mash with salmon mustn't you beat your brother with it?
 
You're getting it all wrong. You must condition the salmon before crushing then you add the trout on the second decoction when you slap your brother with a lobster. Basic brewing science.
 
Well the turtles escaped so I guess its salmon. Can I slap your brother with it since mine is AWOL?
 
I don't have a brother, but I have a sister. So you might have to use a parrot.
 
Jackass-3.5-hit-with-a-fish-www.whysoblu.com_.jpeg
 
Sigh, I feel like Revvy commenting on a thread about how to start a siphon. It's like you all need training wheels here!

No salmon required. You need to find the biggest oak in the forest and cut it down with a herring.

Don't forget the shrubbery.
 
Shrubbery? That's bubkiss! Forget the undergrowth and go with toenail clippings. 1/3 an ounce for ever milliliter of wort. It will add a fungus like feel to your pizza.
 
I am getting ready to brew now but this thread has me confused. Does this go into the mash or do I wait for the boil?



lobsterkitty.jpg
 
Jaehnig said:
2 cats + 1 dog = lobster sticks to magnet. Therefore the need to secondary or not to secondary is discussed based upon the bias of your canoe flying over lake Michigan when all four wheels fall off and you run out of squeaky cheese. Thoughts?
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Who the hell runs out of squeaky cheese?!!?!
 
I'd add to tertiary for 215 days then bottle or keg as usual.
 
Are you guys adjust your salmon water with any salts? I prefer a teaspoon of gypsum and a little salt and pepper.
 
two_hearted said:
Are you guys adjust your salmon water with any salts? I prefer a teaspoon of gypsum and a little salt and pepper.
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That is outrageous. You only season your oven mitts on Flag Day. If not then, you must dance a rain dance.
 
I don't know about salmon but I did put pepper on my turtle... end up sneezing all over my lobster starter... lobster got mad and now it's fighting my dog... don't put pepper on your turtle and stay away from salmons if you are near the Rockies it may attract a bear a buddy of mine got a bear in his secondary because of that and had to move out
 
This thread is insane. I'm laughing so hard I have tears rolling down my cheeks.

Proceed please!
 
Obliviousbrew said:
I don't know about salmon but I did put pepper on my turtle... end up sneezing all over my lobster starter... lobster got mad and now it's fighting my dog... don't put pepper on your turtle and stay away from salmons if you are near the Rockies it may attract a bear a buddy of mine got a bear in his secondary because of that and had to move out
Click to expand...

Move out? All he would have had to do is wait for the gnomes to steal the bear out of his secondary.
 
AMonkey said:
Move out? All he would have had to do is wait for the gnomes to steal the bear out of his secondary.
Click to expand...

I tougth that but my doctor says that the gnomes are only in my mind, and my mind is very primary, the bear is in secondary so that didn´t add up for me.
 
So I bought a kit and decided to doctor it a little bit. I added ten pounds of cherries, two pounds of brown sugar, an orange, Hershey's syrup, three oxtails and a buffalo heart. I hadn't paid my water bill so I just used water out of the swimming pool and I'm pretty sure at one point one or more bodily fluids found their way into the cooling wort. I pitched some unlabeled yeast into the wort and after three and a half minutes I saw no activity so I threw in a gallon of milk, a bunch of bananas and more brown sugar. Last night was two weeks since brew day and the primary smelled like a barnyard and was slightly glowing green. Now this morning I woke up, the lid was off of the primary bucket, there were what looked like oddly shaped, wet footprints leading away from the bucket. There's a half eaten turkey on the floor, the money in my wallet is gone, and the car is missing. Is there any way I can save this batch? Should I transfer to secondary and add more stuff? I was hoping for a SNPA clone, so I don't want to give up on this batch. What did I do wrong? Am I an idiot?
 
WesleyS said:
So I bought a kit and decided to doctor it a little bit. I added ten pounds of cherries, two pounds of brown sugar, an orange, Hershey's syrup, three oxtails and a buffalo heart. I hadn't paid my water bill so I just used water out of the swimming pool and I'm pretty sure at one point one or more bodily fluids found their way into the cooling wort. I pitched some unlabeled yeast into the wort and after three and a half minutes I saw no activity so I threw in a gallon of milk, a bunch of bananas and more brown sugar. Last night was two weeks since brew day and the primary smelled like a barnyard and was slightly glowing green. Now this morning I woke up, the lid was off of the primary bucket, there were what looked like oddly shaped, wet footprints leading away from the bucket. There's a half eaten turkey on the floor, the money in my wallet is gone, and the car is missing. Is there any way I can save this batch? Should I transfer to secondary and add more stuff? I was hoping for a SNPA clone, so I don't want to give up on this batch. What did I do wrong? Am I an idiot?
Click to expand...

You're fine. Just be patient and give it some more time.
 

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