How To Get A New Brewware Past Your Swmbo

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finchlake

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Location
Louisiana, Haile
Disclaimer
CAUTION, the following is posted as Humor for entertainment value only.
The author assumes no responsibility for the use of this information, nor will I except calls from disgruntled spousal units





HOW TO GET A NEW BREWWARE PAST YOUR SWMBO.

Tactic #1

After purchasing your very expensive brewing equipment, carefully coat it with dust, and wrap in the oldest newpaper you can find. Something from 1972 is about right. Cover with spider webs. It helps if there is a strong odor of mold about it.

Carry the package into the house and casually toss into a corner.

When the SWMBO Walksnaps "What THAT?" "MORE BEER STUFF?"

You offhandedly reply, "Oh, you remember old Joe Washisname?"

"He got (choose one, and REMEMBER which you chose) on a binge, got divorced, left town, etc; "and needed money". "I gave him $5.00 for this old keg”. Unwrap JUST enough paper to allow her to see dusty metal. Wave close to her nose so smell hits her, and spider webs get on her.

"Oh, Ok, just get it out of the house".

Casually toss it into corner of basement. Over a period of several weeks, gradually clean up your new prize and move, one step at a time toward the brewhouse. Allow her to see dusty, dirty equipment in cleaning area. Slightly cleaner beer stuff in corner, etc. By the time you get your beauty fully clean and into the brewhouse, she is so used to seeing it around, that she won't notice that it's an expensive item.


Tactic #2

Walk directly into house with new Beer Stuff. Be bold, you haven’t done anything wrong (like buy more beer stuff with asking).

When the SWMBO Walksnaps "What THAT?" "MORE BEER STUFF?"

You offhandedly reply, "Oh, you remember old Joe Washisname?"

He bought this and needs me to hold it for him until he clears it with his SWMBO. Place it in the least noticable part of the brewhouse. All Beer Stuff looks the same to SWMBO’s. Eventuly she will forget about it and you move it around to where you want it.

Tactic #3

If you’re cleaver enough to get it in the house without her seeing it, place it amongst all your other beer stuff like it’s always been there.

IF SWMBO detectes it and Walksnaps "What THAT?" "NEW BEER STUFF?"

You offhandedly reply, " "New?!? I've had this for years!"

Remember this must be done with a stright face, because the pentilites for getting caught are quite sever.


OK, how about it. Any more ideas on how to get new BEER STUFF into the house?
 
Those could all work, I suppose, but I use tactic #4.

I buy stuff, then I tell her what I bought, how much it was and when it's coming. Then I tell her what it does and how it's going to help me brew, how it's going to save me money. Then she rolls her eyes and turns up the TV. :)

SWMBO has her own money to spend and I have my own money to spend. I can't complain about the shoes/clothes/whatever that she buys and she can't complain about the brewing equipment that I buy. It work out really well.
 
ohiobrewtus said:
Those could all work, I suppose, but I use tactic #4.

I buy stuff, then I tell her what I bought, how much it was and when it's coming. Then I tell her what it does and how it's going to help me brew, how it's going to save me money. Then she rolls her eyes and turns up the TV. :)

SWMBO has her own money to spend and I have my own money to spend. I can't complain about the shoes/clothes/whatevr that she buys and she can't complain about the brewing equipment that I buy. It work out really well.

Same here. As long as the bills are paid, we support our respective hobbies with no questions asked. I must say though, she did recently write the check for my keggle...
 
Tactic #5 Try to bribe her.
" you know that beer you like? Well I ordered a recipe from (who ever) along with a few other things I needed, and I wanted to try to make it for you."
When the package comes in the mail, she'll know what it is and maybe, if you are lucky, she won't open it. Then just put all the other stuff you "needed" in you brew area and show her the kit you bought for her. easy as pie.
 
Wow, that seems like a lot of effort just to deceive your wife. I bet you're great at cheating on her :D

Someone's been watching a little too much Ocean's 11.

There was someone on here who was trying to figure out a way to buy brewing stuff without his wife finding out. We're talking bank-job type schemes, you know? All I had to say was: marriage counseling. If you can't be open about spending some money on doing what you love, then either you need counseling, or you're spending beyond your means and you need to throttle back a bit. Either way, deceit is not a great way to go about your life.
 
gees, chill EVAN

This post is all in fun.

I actually use TACTIC #6,

She gets something for her sewing room for everything I get for the brewhouse.
 
In my house it goes one of two ways.

#1:

Me: "Can we get a chest freezer for better fermentation control? Our beer will be much better."

SWMBO: "OK. I see one on craigslist. Why don't you go get it tomorrow. Does this mean we can do Dopplebocks now?"

Me: "I love you."

#2:

SWMBO: "We're almost out of Apfelwein, but all the carboys are full. Can we get another one?"

Me: "I'll do that right now."

SWMBO: "I love you."
 
I'm chilled. That dude the other day was dead serious, though, and there was no way to tell, looking at your original post, that you were kidding.
 
Yeah, let's not get all judgmental around here.... I'm taking the original post in a very lighthearted spirit. I mean, I have honest discussions with my wife about what I spend on brewing - I just don't initiate them!
 
not judgmental at all, just sayin---deceiving your partner isn't cool, and a lot of people just need to grow a pair. That having been said, now that I know that the post was in jest, it's all good.
 
If we're talking keggles, the keg is stolen anyway, so what's the big deal if you deceive your wife along the way? ;)
 
I took this as a joke.

A good strategy is to find a non brewing purpose for all of your equipment.
It's not lying if you actually follow through on it.

I use my bayou classic for outdoor wokking on a regular basis.
 
Well, i do find a bit of truth. When talking about brewing equipment unless i am specifically asked what XXX item is i do not disclose. That is not lieing or deceiving, it is answering a direct question with a direct answer. I do not ever ask how much she spends on jeans becuase i know some of them cost around 100 bucks, for F'ing blue jeans, and as such i assume she does not want to know how much the two sacks of grain cost me. And YES, i hide money. I like not having to answer or explain why i have bought something. I made the mistake when we got married to join our checking accounts................................................................so now i have a secret cash stash. its very normal for people to do that, well with the exception of you that have an extremely large nut sacks or those that have grown a pair. lets see pictures evan!


lol


With that being said, yeah the original post was made in jest.
 
this is how it has worked for me so far.

me: Hey babe, uhhh, you know... I would really love to brew a new beer this weekend.

her: How much?

me: like... 30 bucks, 35 max.

her: Okay... we're going out near the beer place anyways.

then when i get into the lhbs, its like being a kid in a candy store, and I somehow manage to walk out with $100 worth of stuff.

but likewise when we go to high times wine cellars, she is like a kid in a candy store and we end up walking out with $200 worth of wine, because we need to follow the rule of 2's. you buy two bottles, one for now, and one for 5 years down the road.

also, she always finds something in the lhbs she wants, like a new digital scale, or a probe thermometer. So i play it up like I don't need any of that stuff and it is just for her. I love the digital scale.
 
I'm with the other posters on the don't ask, don't tell. And if you do have to say something, keep the answers as short as possible.

Personally though, my SWMBO doesn't care. She's got a well paying job and her hobby is diamond jewelry. I would have a difficult time spending that kind of money on brewing gear. A small micro brewery is really the only way I could spend as much as she does on one piece of jewelry.
 
ohiobrewtus said:
Those could all work, I suppose, but I use tactic #4.

I buy stuff, then I tell her what I bought, how much it was and when it's coming. Then I tell her what it does and how it's going to help me brew, how it's going to save me money. Then she rolls her eyes and turns up the TV.

I do basically the same thing except sometimes I wait until it's sitting at the front door. For things that are >$100, I usually tell her before I pull the trigger.
 
here's how it works in my house:

me: yo swmbo, i am gonna get a few of those, insert items here, for the, insert project/brew here.

swmbo: (crickets)

me: is that cool?

swmbo: (crickets)

me: honey, are you mad at me?

swmbo: (crickets)

me: oh yeah i forgot, inflatable girls cant talk back. :D

(btw this is post 100)
 
:off: Do I get to call mine a HWMBO?

Mine doesn't want me to spend too much (stupid student loans!), but I can usually get what I want anyway, because he likes beer as much as I do. So when something arrives and he asks "How much was that?" I remind him that it's probably cheaper than buying the beer at a store, and that his hobbies are all WAY, WAY, WAY more expensive (digital photography, multiple acoustic and electric guitars, computer nut, etc.).
Plus I'm the one with the full-time, bacon-bringing job. Nuff said. :ban:
 
Just came back in an seen where this thread has gone. I posted a disclaimer on the first post so no one takes me serious.

:mug:
 
SWMBO: What's that?

Me: It's a sack of grain. A full heavy sack, baby!!! Ain't it sexy?

SWMBO: Are you really going to brew that much?

Me: I will now...

SWMBO: (goes back to whatever she was doing....)
 
Beerthoven said:
In my house it goes one of two ways.

#1:

Me: "Can we get a chest freezer for better fermentation control? Our beer will be much better."

SWMBO: "OK. I see one on craigslist. Why don't you go get it tomorrow. Does this mean we can do Dopplebocks now?"

Me: "I love you."

#2:

SWMBO: "We're almost out of Apfelwein, but all the carboys are full. Can we get another one?"

Me: "I'll do that right now."

SWMBO: "I love you."

Lucky bastard.

Around here, it's....

SWMBO: So when are you gonna stop spending money on brew equipment?
Me: When I die?
SWMBO: Aha. Ok. Well, remember to pay the mortgage first this month, honey?
Me: Yeah. I can do that ok. Any brew requests?
SWMBO: Uhm.... more?
Me: Can do. As soon as you're bringing in a second income, though, I'm going to start kegging.
SWMBO: Does that mean you can brew more often, since you don't have to bottle it and ruin your hands?
Me: Yeah. Cool, huh?
SWMBO: Very cool. You can buy us a new fridge, too, so that you can turn the old one into a kegerator, right?
Me: *SCORE!*

Then again, I have the ultimate trump card. She had an iBook during college that she LOVED. She literally took it everywhere for a year and a half. Then the motherboard died, and she had no computer - for almost 2 years. Well, I bought her a MacBook this past summer on one of my credit cards, and she's never had the chance to pay it off. Therefore, if she gets upset about brew equipment, I just have to say, "I bought you a MacBook, didn't I?" and then she just showers me with affection instead. Buahahaa!!! :D
 
You might like this.

The above conversation was completely made up. We've had similar talks, but not specifically about kegs.

Well, I got home last night, and we started talking about wedding planning.... and..... She suggested that we double my beer budget, invest in kegs, and then she will help me bottle ADDITIONAL beer and root beer, in surplus to the kegs that I will brew and provide, for the wedding favors. (The 2nd fridge still comes out of my tax refund though.)

BUAHAHA. I ROCK. I can see the FUTURE! Keg setup, here I come. :D

:ban: :ban:
 
The best part is she volunteered to learn how to bottle to take the load off of me, so i could brew and keg more. :D

(cue Queen - We Are The Champions, and set up for major Power Slide)
(Anyone seen Tenacious D - Pick of Destiny? Power slides? Yes?)
 
As for me, I have a monthly allowance to spend as I wish on brew stuff. As long as I don't go over or have the cash to pay back the house - all is well.

If I didn't have a dollar limit I'd go friggin' crazy at the LHBS. I think this way is a little less wasteful.

SWMBO does ***** about the large items taking up space but not as much about how the boat that doesn't run is taking up the whole garage. :D

Whoever dies with the most HB junk WINS!!!
 
jmulligan said:
:off: Do I get to call mine a HWMBO?

Mine doesn't want me to spend too much (stupid student loans!), but I can usually get what I want anyway, because he likes beer as much as I do. So when something arrives and he asks "How much was that?" I remind him that it's probably cheaper than buying the beer at a store, and that his hobbies are all WAY, WAY, WAY more expensive (digital photography, multiple acoustic and electric guitars, computer nut, etc.).
Plus I'm the one with the full-time, bacon-bringing job. Nuff said. :ban:

your not married right? we could combine hobbies and equipment! :cross:
 
jbreiding said:
your not married right? we could combine hobbies and equipment! :cross:

If you have kegging abilities, you're on! :mug:

By the way, nice pictures of the "lady" brewer. My HWMBO was mightily impressed.
 
last weekend my lovely bride started asking me questions about the packaging of the beer before she left for work. she never asks me about the beer. she was inquiring about why i bottle, and then told me (which i knew) that she loathed all the bottles involved. i blah blah blah about not having a keg set up, and she handing me an invoice and told me to go pick up the kegerator and lose the bottles.

the other ground rule was no brewing when she was home, which is easy, as she works every other weekend, and when the brewhaus is constructed out back, it won't matter at all!
 
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