Do I need help? Yes, I do.

Hey everybody,

Never used EZwater before, but I thought I'd give it a whirl. Anywho, this is what I'm getting, and I want yall's expert opinions before I go chucking chemicals into my beer like a mad scientist(or a dangerously naive one..?)

Okay, so that font is a bit small...Here are the numbers:

HCO3: 38.5

Mash / Sparge Vol (gal): 3.75 / 3.79
RO or distilled %: 0% / 0%

Total Grain (lb): 12.0

Adjustments (grams) Mash / Boil Kettle:
CaSO4: 2 / 1
CaCl2: 5 / 4
MgSO4: 2 / 1
NaHCO3: 0 / 0
CaCO3: 0 / 0
Lactic Acid (ml): 0
Sauermalz (oz): 0

Mash Water / Total water (ppm):
Ca: 143 / 125
Mg: 16 / 13
Na: 28 / 28
Cl: 187 / 169
SO4: 174 / 140
Cl to SO4 Ratio: 1.07 /1.21

Alkalinity (CaCO3): 39
RA: -73
Estimated pH: 5.53

I pretty much just plugged numbers in until all the numbers on the bottom were green lol. What do you guys think?

Before we can comment we need to know what you are starting from i.e. what the analysis of your untreated water is and whence you are trying to go i.e. what kind of beer are you planning to brew.

Sure, it looks like this:
Calcium: 15
Magnesium: 2.84
Sodium: 28
Chloride: 17.1
Sulfate: 40.8
Alkalinity: 38.5
PH 8.4

I am brewing a Belgian dubbel. The recipe looks like this:
6.5 lb Pilsner(2-row)
3 lb Vienna
1.5 lb Munich
1 lb Belgian candy sugar(amber)
.5 lb Special B
.5 Carapils

Yeast: Ardennes

Hops: Northern Brewer/Saaz

I was thinking since this will be dry, I'd probably want to up the chlorides since it allegedly enhances the sweetness or body of the beer. I don't know how to do that properly, however.

Your chloride is WAY too high. Reduce it alot. Keep it under 100 ppm, and even less would be great. Likewise your sulfate is WAY too high for your desired result. Don't add any epsom salts at all, and only enough CaCl2 to bring your Calcium to 50ish. I'd leave out the gypsum as well. Your plain water is far better than your adjusted water!

Haha, well damn. Why is it so out of range? It seemed to fit the "Palmer's ranges". Would you recommend just using 3 g of CaCl or so?

The 250 ppm allowable range for chloride that How to Brew mentions is for drinking water quality. That limit is far too high for brewing water usage. Keep Cl under 100 ppm in most cases.

Ahhh, interesting. What about the other ions? Is there a good chart for appropriate brewing ranges?

Chloride and sulfate are the so called 'stylistic' ions because their concentrations are set by stylistic considerations rather than the need to control pH. Of course all ions are ultimately stylistic but you have more flexibility with these. In practical terms you should set them to whatever levels give you a beer you like. The EPA MCL for both is 250 mg/L. That means that in the opinion of EPA water with those ions at or above those levels is aesthetically displeasing. But beers are regularly brewed with sulfate levels above 250 - well above in some cases and the same is true of chloride though I think it's less common than with sulfate. OTOH old timers regularly put table salt in their beer when it was served to them.

You are blessed with water that is relatively low in mineral content. Low mineral content is generally a good thing as you can work upwards from it to see if you find additional choride or sulfate a benefit or detriment. Were I approaching this water I would dilute it 2:1 with RO water or at least 1:1 because of the sulfate, add 1/2 tsp calcium chloride (2- 2.5 grams) per gallon (of the diluted) and try that as a starting point. It would be hard to ruin a beer with that water if you do everything else required of the brewing process at least approximately correctly. Having brewed the beer this way you can then experiment with the finished beer by adding small amounts of table salt, calcium chloride and gypsum to see which, if any of those improves the flavor. See the Primer in the Stickies.

Great, thanks guys! That would have been an expensive grain bill for me to destroy haha. Just for clarity, that is 2 parts RO/1 part tap water, correct?

Yes.