Ok from what i can make out of this report. Still looking on a place to send my water, but at least i can get a general idea of what its apparently like, i have found this....
Hardness as calcium (milligrammes per litre) - 160.4
Hardness as calcium carbonate (milligrammes per litre) - 401
These two say the same thing. The water is very hard! The equivalent weight of calcium is 20 grams per mole meaning that 20 grams of calcium ion has 6.023E23 positive charges associated with it thus your calcium hardness is 160.4/20 = 8 milliequivalents per liter. Hardness "as Calcium carbonate" is just 50 times the equivalence so yours is 50*8 = 400.
Flouride - 0.302 milligrammes per litre
Enough to protect your kids' teeth.
Lead - 1.18 microgrammes per litre
Don't remember what the limit is here but obviously the lower the better.
Nitrate - 32.05 milligrammes per litre.
Pretty high but shouldn't be a problem for brewing. Nitrite is though.
Chlorine - 0.3 milligrammes per litre free chlorine and 0.420 milligrammes per litre total chlorine.
This means that the municipality disinfects the water with chlorine and then adds ammonia to stabilize the chlorine, quite possibly after UV treatment because these levels are low (if the whole job is done with chlorine 1.5 - 3 mg/L total would be more typical. The 0.12 mg/L bound (not free) chlorine is a compound called chloramine which can be a problem in brewing but at this level you should be OK. Crush the corner of a Campden tablet and add to the water if you want to be absolutely certain that it won't bother you.
Interestingly enough, this doesn't really tell you much. You need it if you are doing precise calculations though. 7.21 is very typical.
Calcium - 149 (not sure what that 149 is? it comes under the header, concentration or value, i believe its mmg per litre again.)
This means the same thing as above wrt calcium so the question is as to why two slightly different values are given in 2 different places in the report.
This is another source of hardness and it too can be expressed in mg/L as here or as ppm as CaCO3 in which case the number is 28.
This is actually a measure of the resistance of the water to pH reduction in the mash tun. Indirectly it is a measure of the amount of bicarbonate in the water. If you dissolve 100 mg calcium carbonate (chalk, limestone) in a liter of water using, in imitation of nature, carbon dioxide as the requisite acid, the alkalinity of the solution will be 100 mg/L and the hardness of the solution will be 100 mg/L. That's why both hardness and alkalinity are reported "as CaCO3".
Quite high (typically a mg or 2 per liter) but not problematical
Not very informative. You can taste iron in water at 0.3 mg/L or more. For brewing 0.1 or less is better.
Not by itself too high but when you use the softener it will replace the 8 mEq/L calcium we noted above and also the 0.6 mEq/L magnesium with 8.6 mEq/L sodium which will add 184 mg/L to the 28 for a total of 212. That's quite a bit but beer can be brewed with water with that level of sodium. Better not to though.
Equally important as what you have given me is what you have not i.e. levels of sulfate and chloride. There have to be appreciable amounts of those to balance the bicarbonate. IOW your water contains a goodly component of "permanent hardness". It would take 200 mg/L sulfate or or 146 mg/L chloride to balance. In fact it is doubtless somewhere between probably with more sulfate than chloride. This high sulfate has implications for many styles among them being that it defines the Burton style ales.
Where do i go from here, as i have no clue what this means?
This is going to be challenging water to brew with. It is very alkaline (problem) and, while hard, not hard enough to offset all that alkalinity. Boiling before use will cause a fair amount of the alkalinity to precipitate - you might get the alkalinity to around 50 and the "residual alkalinity" (the part of alkalinity not "cancelled" by calcium down to 15 - 20 which is very respectable (compared to the 169 without boiling). This boiled water should be fine for many ales but the high sulfate level would probably not work so well for lagers.
There's obviously a lot more to this than I can put in a single response. I'd suggest poking around the archives in various fora (such as this one) for discussions of what water is suitable for which beer. General recommendations never cover all situations but the one thing that will give you a drinkable and even good beer in nearly all cases is reverse osmosis water with a tsp of calcium chloride dihydrate in each 5 gal (US).
