I'm dumb, therefore I'm soaked...

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Town9

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After completing another all-grain yesterday (Belgian Wit) I was thinking back on my brewing experiences to date. It occured to me that most of the mistakes I've made in brewing were a result of stupid ideas that ultimately resulted in me getting really, really wet. I thought I'd share with you guys to see if I'm the lone idiot or if others have had similar strokes of non-genius...

All-Grain Idiotic Event #1 (Wit #1)

1. Got done with the mash and decided to move the grain out of the MLT immediately (couldn't wait for it to cool for some reason)

2. Had the brilliant idea that the best way to accomplish this was to dump all the hot grain into a garbage bag and carry it to the trash can (10 feet away).

3. Made it 3.5 feet towards said trash can before the garbage bag swelled up like a water balloon and subsequently exploded hot grain all over my garage floor and myself.

4. Sat, soaking wet, and stared at the literal "hot mess" on my garage floor and thought to myself "what did I just do?"

5. Watched my brother (nice enough to help me brew that day) break his sandals and nearly wipe out as his feet stick to the flypaper-esque floor while trying to clean up.

6. Cue the fly swarm...

All-Grain Idiotic Event #2 (Wit #2)

1. Bought a new copper immersion chiller that has vinyl tubing leads secured to the copper with cheap plastic hose clamps.

2. Hooked up chiller to hosing and got ready to chill my wort after the boil.

3. My wife was nice enough to help, so she went around to the front of the house (I brew in my garage) to operate the faucet.

4. Ready to chill, I say "turn the hose on!" and watch as the water starts to cycle through the chiller.

5. Immediately the vinyl tubing on the outflow hose of chiller blows off and starts spraying 200 deg water all over my garage and myself.

6. I yell "Off! Off! Turn the hose off!!!!" to which I hear "What?"....

7. Finally get the situation under control and re-attach vinyl tubing to chiller, this time tightening the plastic hose clamps.

8. Get ready to chill the wort again and, timidly, yell to my wife (back at her post) "turn the hose on...a little bit"

9. It seems to work fine, so I get cocky (I want this wort cool!) and say "turn it up!"

10. Repeat steps 5 and 6.

11. Switched to stainless steel hose clamps.

All-Grain Idiotic Event #3 (Dubbel)

1. Decide I'm going to do a little "green brewing" and hook up another garden hose and sprinkler to the outflow hose of my chiller.

2. Water will go from one garden hose, through the chiller and associated vinyl tubing, then out the second garden hose to water the lawn.

3. Start the wort chilling process with the improved chiller from AGIE #2.

4. Notice a leak at one of the vinyl tubing connections and decide that the cause is the hose clamp not being tight enough.

5. Tighten hose clamp while being squirted with 200 deg water.

6. Vinyl tubing on that side suddenly swells up like a balloon and pops, spewing more hot water all over me, the floor, and in my wort ("Off! Off! Off!"...."What?").

7. Decide that the problem lies with the fact that the vinyl tubing I'm using isn't able to handle the heat of the post-chiller water (despite the fact that it has worked fine in the past).

8. Replace vinyl tubing with high-temp silicone tubing.

9. Start chilling again with confidence.

10. Repeat step #6, but replace the word "vinyl" with "silicone".

11. Befuddled, I realize that the garden hose going to the sprinkler has been kinked the whole time. That was the only reason the chiller hoses were exploding.


General Lessons Learned

1. If I brew, I will get wet.

2. My first solution to a water explosion will never work.

3. I need to get a hose faucet closer to my brewing kettle, or vice versa.

4. Our family needs more walkie-talkies (reference Brian Regan skit).

5. My wife is the most patient person on the planet.



Has anyone else had similar issues? :mug:
 
Lately my mistakes have all been linked in some way to kegging. Yesterday I had fun moving the tap from one pressurized keg to another. When I did this, leaning over the keezer, the poppet on the old keg didn't close and so, the beer that was in there (English Barleywine) started spewing out and pretty much went everywhere
 
Nothing special. They will have them over by the hoses and I think they run like a buck and a half. If you attach and detach the hoses a lot you could buy the hose QD's from the same area. If you put the female end on the hose it will stop flow when you pull it apart. I used to use those until the Mrs. kept running the QD's over with the truck.
 
I have a similar faucet arrangement (other side of the house) and the quick disconnects do make things much easier.
 
Thanks for the LOL - You are officially Dubbel Wit-less !

I've done some of the same, spray myself with IC hose things when I first started - a right of passage. I do however let the grain cool down before tossing, figured that one out without incident. But recently I've produced some really bad beers with varying problems, like scorching or mold in the fermenter so I'm not a happy brewer in the second half of 2011.

Hopefully things will improve for all of us!
 
For similar reasons, I put valves on the hose end before going into the chiller.
Agreed. I have a little cutoff valve before the chiller so I can control flow speed and stop it all together if needed. Also get male and female hose fittings soldered to the ends of that chiller. Much easier to deal with that way.
 
I brew in my kitchen and use a hose that attaches to a fitting on my sink. It makes it easy to clean carboys, pots, etc. Pretty standard.

At least one time, everytime i brew, i forget that the hose is attached and turn on the water, spraying myself in various places.

If its not that, then i forget im filling up a bucket or carboy and it spills all over the floor and subsequently my feet.
 
I only get wet when cleaning everything at the end of brew day. After buying my wort chiller and only two weeks later realizing I need to brew outside on a propane burner (full 5 gallons won't boil in a 10 gallon Blichmann on my stove) I saw the immediate need to get longer tubing for the drain portion. My garden faucet is close but there's no drain except in the basement so I needed a 20' hose run. I ordered some vinyl tubing and it was thin and cheap, not like the thick vinyl the IC came with. So I ordered the high temp silicone tubing - works awesome.

Before putting the IC in the kettle I always run water though it first to make sure there are no leaks, been perfect the whole time now no leaks or any problems.

Guess I'm lucky, or have the whole brew day plan more regimented. My worst brew day disaster, and really my only one, was falling asleep while filling the sink with chill water, before I started using an IC and brewing outside. The sink overflowed and the wife luckily caught me quickly - there was a power strip behind the microwave!! Earlier that night I also boiled over for the first time. Since then none of that has happened and I make sure it doesn't.


Rev.
 
Agreed. I have a little cutoff valve before the chiller so I can control flow speed and stop it all together if needed. Also get male and female hose fittings soldered to the ends of that chiller. Much easier to deal with that way.

agreed. I soldered male hose adapters on the end of my IC, as well as a ball valve. just shut the valve, connect the hose with a washing machine hose, and turn on the hose bib.

I think we've all gotten a little wetter than we wanted to. At least you haven't spilled your wort.
 
I tried to dump the grain out of the mash tun instead of scooping one time. So I am in the kitchen, kind of question if it is a good idea, then flip...the bag slipped out of my hand. I ended up with grain/stickiness ALL over my kitchen, pants and in my shoes. To top it all off, I had about five people watching as I did it. Never again.
 
Oh and my other favorite is not draining the chiller all the way and tossing it into the boil during the last ten minutes to sanitize it... if you wear shorts while brewing be sure to point the chiller ports away from you while doing this. I have had more boiling water spit onto my bare legs than I care to admit to. :p
 
I pre-heat my IC with hot water (I connect to the sink) before putting it in the boil for the last 15 minutes. Typically, I leave the chiller connected to the sink until I'm done chilling, which effectively seals off one escape route for boiling water. The water in the chiller boils and bubbles for 15 minutes- good and hot. At flame-out one day I was not, repeat not securing the 'out' end of the hose. Turn on cold water and the scene was reminiscent of a fire-hose cartoon except with boiling water. Key point is my attire, or, uh, lack there-of. Lesson learned that day, I tell ya what. Kyle
 
All-Grain Idiotic Event #4 (Yeast Starter Wort)

1. Put erlenmeyer flask with DME and water on burner.

2. Start boil.

3. Realize you did not put in stir bar for sanitizing boil. Fermcap should prevent any sudden boilovers, right??

4. Plop in stir bar to boiling wort.

5. Watch in amazement how upper funnel shape of erlernmeyer flask concentrates boilover into instant volcano effect.

6. Attempt to pull hand quickly out of boiling geyser.

7. Place burned hand under cold running water.

8. Clean stove.
 
I was not, repeat not securing the 'out' end of the hose. Turn on cold water and the scene was reminiscent of a fire-hose cartoon except with boiling water.

Did something similar, was brewing outside at a friends house who seemingly doesn't believe in hose clamps.. I turn the water and walk up to the pot and say "hey what's that sound" no sooner did i get my face in there and the hose flew off the IC and sprayed me like i was being de-loused.

lesson learned; keep a few hose clamps in the truck just in case
 
Either I, my floor, or my counter ends up soaked by the end of the brewday... I find I make the most mistakes when trying to multitask (racking to a keg, bottling, etc).
 
Got the bright idea the other day to put a huge funnel on my grain crusher and it didn't fit so great. Eventually it fell over and about 8lb's of grain went everywhere. I decided the hopper it comes with is small but fits really well.
 
Was just cleaning out my digital camera today and found photo evidence of my Idiotic Event #1. If you look closely, you can see exactly where the flip-flop was destroyed...


6093-a.jpg



I may need to rewrite that Jimmy Buffet song with a HB theme..."I blew out my flip flop..."
 

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