Nearly Instant Soda (about 10 minutes)
Put in keg
6-7 pounds of ice
soda & sugar
water to fill
CO2 35 psi
shake until the ice cubes have melted and/or the regulator has stopped squealing.
If you have smaller kids, lay the keg across a 2x4 and let them rock it until done.
Remember one unassailable statistic, as explained by the late, great George Carlin: "Just think of how stupid the average person is, and then realize half of them are even stupider!"
"I would like to die on Mars, just not on impact." Elon Musk