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Old 06-20-2011, 11:58 PM   #1
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Default Paraphrased conversation with SWMBO

OK, bear in mind that I am recalling the conversation about my brew day on Sunday from an entirely biased perspective.

Wifey: What the f#ck are you doing!?

Me: I am commencing the process of brewing, my dear. I am about to perform the last rites of John Barleycorn. I am creating art.

Wifey: Like f#ck you are! I had a whole day planned of doing stupid girly sh!t and dragging your ass around with me and boring the crap out of you for the entire day!!

Me: But my love!! Do you not recall the agreement we made just this Friday past? We had cordially committed that I should practice the art of brewing, and that we would both make merry on that joyous occasion. The stage is set, the players are dressed. 'twould be folly indeed to deny the audience their reward!

Wifey: You are sooo full of sh!t! Since when did you feel the need to brew EVERY f#cking week!!?

Me: But dearest, I have had not the chance to brew these last three weeks for fear of it making interruption to your wonderful and righteous garage sale. This has been but my first opportunity in a long while.

Wifey: Hmmmph!!! OK then, but don't forget you are cooking out tonight. F#ck you, I'm going to Walmart. I will be taking an electric cart because I'm too fat to walk. My clothes will all be two sizes too small, and I will probably be farting a lot.

Me: Farewell, my love. I await your return with baited breath. In your absence, I will ponder the ways I can make you more happy.

Wifey: F#ck off.

(Later that day)

Wifey: Are you STILL f#cking brewing!?

Me: yes, my dear. I have pondered your objections about my regular observance to the ritual of the beer gods, and have devised a plan to make us BOTH happier! I have taken it upon myself to make TWO brews in the same day! Thus, we shall have a happier future together whereby I may pay more attention to your loveliness with my time saved!

Wifey: You f#cking wanker!!

Me: But, but, my love! I strive only to make you happy!!

Wifey: F#ck off, asshole!

Me: Have I upset you my dear? You complained that I appease the beer gods too often, and I have sought a way to solve our problem!

Wifey: F#ck off F#ck off F#ck off F#ck off F#ck off!!!


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Old 06-21-2011, 12:00 AM   #2
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I'd love to hear your version, not her's.
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Old 06-21-2011, 12:01 AM   #3
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I think we are only getting one side of this story
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Old 06-21-2011, 12:10 AM   #4
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I found my person 'twixt a rock and a hard location......And honestly, those were her exact words as far as I heard them in my noggin.
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Old 06-21-2011, 12:17 AM   #5
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My obsession with brewing and fermenting things was just one more reason for my wife to divorce me. At this point in my life I could not be happier. I got the house, custody of our son and yes, I can brew whenever I want. It took a while, but I am doing okay.

After we got married my wife gained a lot of weight. After we got divorced she gained a whole lot of weight. She gets our son on the weekends so that is usually when I brew. Last weekend she took him to the zoo and I brewed on Saturday and went fishing Sunday. They left early because the elephants were throwing peanuts at her.
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Old 06-21-2011, 12:21 AM   #6
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mrk305 View Post
Last weekend she took him to the zoo and I brewed on Saturday and went fishing Sunday. They left early because the elephants were throwing peanuts at her.
Now, I had already made up a joke in my head about your son, and his place in the zoo before I even got to the intended punch line!

Sorry for my evil thoughts.
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Old 06-21-2011, 12:25 AM   #7
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By the way....My wife is NOT fat!!

She is just big boned....REALLY big boned. I'm talking T. Rex bones here. If the Titanic were a bone, then she would be as big as it, and go down on you twice as fast.
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Old 06-21-2011, 12:54 AM   #8
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Laughing_Gnome_Invisible View Post
............ and go down on you twice as fast.
If there was more of that going on, we might still be married.
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Old 06-21-2011, 01:02 AM   #9
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Prosted.
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Old 06-21-2011, 01:06 AM   #10
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All I got from that was you are a typical Brit and she is definitely a typical American.


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