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News 9/7/2008
One Legged Man Wins Ass Kicking Competition
By Kris


Not normally a threat to kick some ass...

Towanda, PA - Long has it been popular in US culture to likely something improbable to "a one-legged man winning an ass-kicking competition". After this past weekend, this phrase may have to be retired.

The 34-year-old Towanda resident John Kelly didn't have a lot of expectations when he entered the 4th Annual City Ass-Kicking Contest on account of his missing appendage.

"My whole life people have been telling me I couldn't kick ass," Bob told Smooth Operator. "Even more so after I lost my leg in a tragic vending machine accident."

Yet kick ass is just what Bob did, defeating all five competitors he faced, including reigning champion Terry Jones.

"The speed, the agility... suffice to say, this guy would kick even a three legged man's ass," said Jones shortly after relinquishing his crown which he had held for the past two years.

"They say that when a man loses his sight or hearing, his other senses become heightened," said Bob. "In my case, losing one leg just made the other leg more ready to kick some serious ass."

Following the competition, Bob said that he intends to travel to other towns and compete in their ass-kicking contests. He even admitted he might start taking names too.

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Evan!

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Something is seriously wrong with me. I was 3/4 of the way through that article before I realized it was "kicking" and not "licking".

I couldn't figure out why it was so improbable for a one-legged man to be a good ass-licker, or why a town would have an ass-licking contest.

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Thanks for the new signature quote Evan.

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