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bernerbrau · 03-04-2009, 09:08 PM

Quote:

Marriage or love isn't supposed to be like that at all, it should be a fun and happy experience, a mutual friendship and trusting relationship.

Well and see, all the advice I got pre-marriage was that marriage is a lot of work and not all fun and happy all the time. So I guess I expected to have some fights and for her to be angry at me some of the time.

Stef1966 · 03-04-2009, 09:10 PM

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I'm just scared that a therapist will find me in the wrong here.

I wouldn't bother with any therapy at that point, I'd just go for the Divorce papers and start a brand new life.

But... it's just my own personal way of seeing this.

bernerbrau · 03-04-2009, 09:12 PM

f*ck, she still doesn't know that when I did the body shot I had an air-kiss with the waitress that squeezed the lime into my mouth -- no direct contact but I could taste her breath. I guess I was too scared to lump that in with the rest of the confession.

I've wrestled with the idea of telling her and for the most part figured it's not worth the ensuing pain. But other times I figure it's going to have to come out sooner or later...

**shecky** · 03-04-2009, 09:13 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bernerbits

Well and see, all the advice I got pre-marriage was that marriage is a lot of work and not all fun and happy all the time. So I guess I expected to have some fights and for her to be angry at me some of the time.

Marriage is work, but it shouldn't be anxious work. You shouldn't walk on eggshells. You should fight sometimes but holding onto the anger and holding grudges is not what it's about.

BTW, feel free to get pissed at her, too.

bernerbrau · 03-04-2009, 09:20 PM

I dunno. I get frustrated, boggled, mystified, discouraged, resentful, distraught, panicked, ticked, miffed, offended, but I don't know if I ever get truly angry.

It just seems to me you gotta have a good f*ckin' reason and be able to back it up beyond a shadow of a doubt to really be *angry*.

bernerbrau · 03-04-2009, 09:21 PM

dammit, I came here to talk about progress and here I am getting myself all discouraged again...

**shecky** · 03-04-2009, 09:25 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bernerbits

I dunno. I get frustrated, boggled, mystified, discouraged, resentful, distraught, panicked, ticked, miffed, offended, but I don't know if I ever get truly angry.

It just seems to me you gotta have a good f*ckin' reason and be able to back it up beyond a shadow of a doubt to really be *angry*.

Seems to me you have plenty of reason. If you're not going to get pissed about her irrational insecurities, then she's got you backed into a corner. She feels she can get pissed at you for no reason because she knows you won't get pissed at her.

Fight back and I'll be she cowers a bit.

Quote:

Originally Posted by bernerbits

dammit, I came here to talk about progress and here I am getting myself all discouraged again...

Sorry man, but your progress consisted of her not having a meltdown but still not reacting like a "normal person." Honest to God, I don't want to discourage you. But with due respect, you seem to be missing the forest for the trees.

Again, I'm just speaking from experience because that's the best I can do for you. In you I see the me of 15 years ago.

Stef1966 · 03-04-2009, 09:29 PM

You seem to see marriage as being a very complicated thing, hey, it should be like friendship, you have friends and they will stay friends as long as you have some points of common interest, fun together and a good relationship, if not, you dump the friends and find other ones... no?

same thing with marriage, it's supposed to be a positive relationship, not the opposite.

bernerbrau · 03-04-2009, 09:42 PM

Well hell, I made progress talking to a cute chick and not getting flustered anyway. And she made progress being passive-agressive towards the girl in question instead of directly aggressive towards me.

But hell, what if our relationship just doesn't WORK with all our issues out in the open? Then I could be seen as deliberately sabotaging the marriage... Ya know, if it sorta works don't try and fix it, that whole adage...

hukdizzle · 03-04-2009, 09:52 PM

Sounds like a pretty ****ty situation my man, she needs to get over it and give you your freedom and trust you or it's time to part. You and her are married now and she needs to realize that whole situation and think about what she's doing.

I'm sure you've heard it a million times but you should really try to detach your self from the situation emotionally as best you can then sit down and really assess how happy you are, weigh the pro's and con's. It doesn't sound like she is reasonable and if compromises cannot be made then it's time to take your pro/con assessment into action.