Making my wife understand the obsession

Hey guys,

Last night, I showed my wife a stainless steel conical fermenter on craigslist that I was thinking of purchasing. She made a comment like "That's stupid, there are better things to spend our money on." She doesn't get that this is a true hobby. I don't have many, Home brewing and golf. That's it.

Have any of you received any push back from a significant other about your brewing. If so, how'd you approach it or make her come around on the idea?

Any thoughts are appreciated.

Cheers

Did you start adding things to your brewing equipment that were small so she wouldn't notice? Did you add up how much money she spends on purses or shoes and compare it? I do get push back from my SO however it's more in the form of 'where is it going to go' etc.

Does she consume your product? Does she realize it's keeping you out of bars and away from other women? Most HB gatherings i've been to are sausage fests.

If its really our money then she may have a point.
No one knows your finances so I cant really comment.
If you are at a level that would be ready for a stainless conical then it surprises me that she isnt already well aware of the obsession. If you are still entry level then there may actually be better choices for your brewing dollars.

I have money that is totally mine to do with as I please no questions asked. Thats how the problem has been solved in my marriage.

PastorofMuppets said:

I have money that is totally mine to do with as I please no questions asked. Thats how the problem has been solved in my marriage.

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Yep, getting a "fun money" line in our budget for each of us really cuts down on those arguments. I'm still fighting they "grain and yeast is food so it should come out of grocery money" argument though

Mine understands so I don't know what to tell you.

I guess I am lucky. She bought me the equipment to get started. When I mentioned that I wanted to get into all grain, she went to the local LHBS and pick up a mash tun for me. She even found a free fridge so I could set up a couple of taps and use the rest of the fridge to keep several cases aof beer cold. She takes an interest in what I am brewing and when I have her taste beers she give me good honest feedback.

"Our money"

That may be a problem. A couple decades ago we separated the budget around here. As long as the bills are paid, the leftovers are available for hobbies. The money I earn is mine to spend. I don't want to tell others how they need to live, just explaining what works for us.

"Making my wife understand the obsession..."

- Is like, reading coursework for do-it-yourself-dental. In Farsi.

Oooh, I like this game!

Edit: New advice due to Celiac.

Have you tried being incredibly candid?

Thanks fellas. Unfortunately, my wife has Celiac, so she can't partake in my brews. Promised her that I'd try to brew a GF beer for her one day. We'll see how that works out.

Maybe I am thinking too progressive for my brewing skill level. I might just be blinded by cooler brewing equipment, but it is only $150.

Anyhoo, keep any advice coming.

make her a nice batch of wine?

Start buying $13 bombers of Belgian Ale. When she complains, explain you can make 'em for 1/3 of the price if she lets you brew. (Of course that doesn't include the all equipment you have to buy, but by the time she figures it out you should be good-to-go.)

My wife and I have developed an 'understanding'. My wife stops complaining as soon as I bring up her shopping budget. That dwarfs anything I'm spending on brewing.

Ah marriage - it's all about compromise (and subterfuge).

Melana said:

make her a nice batch of wine?

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or cider or mead.

Make a list of what else you need to spend the $150 on with your wife. As mentioned above, no one here knows your financial situation but you. If you are putting off getting home or vehicle maintenance that is needed, to buy a hobby item, then your mind is in the wrong place. If you are giving up a night of drinks and dining, which you and the wife frequently do, then purchase the fermenter. Just have a valid reason and explain it to your wife.

If anything, don't let $150 cause any friction between the two of you.

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Melana said:

make her a nice batch of wine?

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Be Careful with this one!

This can quickly escalate into having 4 Carboys of Wine Fermenting, and only 1 Left over for Beer!!

A ss conical for 150? Yeah I'd snatch that up in a second regardless what she thinks. That's a steal of a deal.

ok, honey, $150 at the strip bar it is then!

It is highly unfortunate that gluten free beer even when brewed by the best brewers in the game tastes extremely turrrrible to me. just my opinion.

Mine brews with me. I guess I am lucky.


Relax. Have a beer!

Maybe try to explain to her the chemistry behind every brew and show the difference in the ingredients you use..?


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Its always a trade off in my house.

If your finances can tolerate it, work the trade.
My latest is a 12x28 finished/wired mancave/brewing retreat($8k) for my brewing hobby in return for a $20k home makeover she is wanting to do.
WE(note I used WE)can afford it, so it works.
Whatever you do, dont let it become a point of contention if you truly love her. Brewing beer is not worth losing the love of your life over.
But then again, I am a poor sap for love.
:fro:

RaHarmakis said:

Be Careful with this one!

This can quickly escalate into having 4 Carboys of Wine Fermenting, and only 1 Left over for Beer!!

Click to expand...

Thats the plan!

I only have 4 carboys and your using them all for wine, i need to get this stainless conical to brew beer.

Honestly though i bet if you got her interested in the process of making wine or something with you she would understand. Although it is a much more "scientific" process than beer, you have to worry a lot more about taking measurements for Ph & Sulfites etc so if shes one of those "Anti Nerdy Science" girls you may have no chance.

Here how I roll.
1) Make my own lunch.
2) Cut my own hair.
3) Change my own oil
4) Make dinner for her rather than go out.
5) Maximize leftovers.
6) Cut my own lawn (many people my age don't)
7) Most anything else I can do to save $
-------------------
Some of this money goes in my pocket so I can...
Brew my own beer.

not knowing your financial situation maybe she is right, or maybe she isn't. But if it's going to be an issue maybe discuss it with her, and let her know how important it is to your brewing and tell her you would like to set a goal of owning a conical, then start saving up to buy one. I bet she'll be more understanding and might even pitch in a few dollars to help you out.

Wives can be annoying!

It's easier to ask for forgiveness than permission. But she will get more pissed if you do. Tried to sneak a new gun home one day and that didn't go over well. If I would have asked she would have said ok and not mad. My wife supports by hobbies to an extent, even bought my Kegging setup. Just talk it over and make the decision. For 150 bucks it sounds like a steal and you could always get your money back.

Heck no no push back..... In fact she bought me my starter kit from our local LHBS.......but time will tell


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Does your wife have any hobbies? Maybe you could work out a fair deal on how much each of you can spend on your leisure activities.

For us, my wife is into horses. Talk about a money pit. With what we spend on horse stuff, my home brewing is practically insignificant. (And if my master plan to get the horses eating malted barley falls in place, I'll be set for life)

So my recommendation … buy your wife a horse.

My fiance definitely supports my hobby, she enjoys what I brew! However we have a wedding and a future home to save for, so of course that takes precedence over my hobby. As a stocking stuffer she bought me some cool books with recipes and good know how.

Having a discussion would be my first step...randomly showing her this conical and not having a real understanding of what it's purpose is, she might just be thinking "what's in it for me/us".

Best of luck!

The important thing here is a stainless conical for $150. That is too good to pass up, if it's in any kind of decent condition.

Buy it now and explain that it will save you a lot of wasted money down the road - heck that's like 18 vials of yeast (since yeast harvesting will be much easier with the conical, you could make that case). If she is still bummed about it then try putting aside some cash by sacrificing things you would normally buy for yourself. When you've saved $150 by your own sacrifice, all will be forgiven.

I agree with everyone that says that 150 is a great deal. You could tell her that it is okay you will pass up on the one for 150 but you are going to buy one for 700 to 800 dollars. One thing I do is buy something nice for her like some piece of jewelry then buy yourself the fermenter. She really won't have much ground to stand on then she got something nice and so did you

She is a keeper. Lucky lucky man.

Two things I try to remind my wife of:

1. Anything that I buy that's stainless has intrinsic value. I can resell it at 80% of what I paid for it new should I decide to give up the hobby, or even make a profit if I bought used.

2. If that doesn't work, I "give up" and agree with her. "You're right. I'm probably taking this home brewing thing a bit far. Though I have been meaning to get into bass fishing. Just wish I knew someone with a bass boat..."

Fyi guys the "conical" op found for sale is a brand new brewbucket from ss brewtech, which @ 150 is still a pretty good deal but it's not the "find of the century" I thought it was..... I still think he should buy it though. *poke*

As long as I keep my woman full of low IBU pale ales and ciders she lets me buy whatever I want and helps me brew it.