Note to mods: please ban garrapy2 from any future beer swaps
Personally, I'd steer clear but if you decide to go ahead with it, here's some potential label text:
Dave's Dump Divin' Ale
The secret to this unique brew is the aging process used for the malt extract...toxic chemicals first weaken the metal of the extract can; this allows the essence of other surrounding (secret!) organic and non-organic materials to permeate the extract, giving this brew a "terroir" all its own! Special wild yeast (?) strains contribute subtle esters, phenols and VOCs. Finally, a hint of methane on the nose really brings out the hop aroma.