Tap-a-draft systems and pocket co2 "carbers" are sold at LHBSs. I have never used them and it would seem it would be easier to bottle in large bottles if you are going that route. Your beer might taste green if it hasn't had much time to age though so maybe buy a few of the originals from the store to have on hand.
What is the OG for dead guy ale? For any of my beers I consider a 2 week fermentation and a 2 week conditioning time before I feel they have reached what I believe to be ready enough. I have not made any large beers and my hydrometer has agreed with my process so far but I can imagine if you have something over 1.070 I would probably want 3 weeks conditioning time before I considered it "ready".
All that being said, you have a deadline and unless you can keg I would read some info about those tap-a-draft systems.
Tap a draft won't carb it on the spot. Do you just want a small amount carbed, or a whole 5 gallons? I use my sodastream to carb up a liter on bottling/kegging day. You could
Use a carbonator cap, but you need a co2 tank.
Originally Posted by Yooper
We be in a big hurry for dope beer with much alcamahol and flavor, quality, balance, and aroma don't matter.