Location: Down by the rivah, Down by the banks of the Rivah Chahles.
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If it smells foul, it probably is. Get some more, make sure it doesn't have preservatives, and try again under a more controlled setting. Add good yeast, put it into a bucket with a top, and let 'er rip.
Because no-one ever started a great story with, "I was just finishing a lovely salad when..."