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-   -   Men, garter belts, beer and revenge (http://www.homebrewtalk.com/f20/men-garter-belts-beer-revenge-142239/)

paulthenurse 10-18-2009 04:43 AM

Men, garter belts, beer and revenge
There is an old saying that the three most important things in Boston, in no particular order are Sports, Politics and Revenge.

To that end my boy, Cape Brewing, has been running his yap about how he is some sort of NHL wannabee, and he's been making vague statements about being a superior athlete to me. I think his exact quote was "Anytime you want to get on the ice..." I just ignored him (as usual) but then I spent today cleaning out the basement. And as my day went along and I was getting all sweaty and covered with cobwebs I came across my old hockey gear. It's a lot like me. Old, creaky, smelly, and on the back 9. But back in the day it didn't smell so much. And far be it for either my stinkey old goalie gear or me to back down from a challenge. So I had a thought...

I'm going to see about renting a rink for a pickup game. There are plenty of rinks around here so I'll look for something around the end of November or the beginnig of December. I'll ty for a Friday night. Now, anyone within a 5 hour drive of here knows that that means after 10 PM, so I'll open my house/spare bedroom/couchs/floors to anyone who wants to come play and do the obligatory beer drinking in the parking lot/my driveway afterwards hockey team thang. I'm sure we can get other guys around here to do the same so you out of town guys will be good.

Here are the rules as I (as Big Kahuna and Chief Bottle Washer of this whole operation) propose them.

1. No Check. We all have to go to work on Monday.

2. No Check. I hope I made my point!

3. Slapshots are negotiable. I'm not afraid or them but whomever we can get to stand between the pipes up the other end of the ice might not feel so comfortable, so we can work that out. My gut reaction is to say no slappers so that everyone goes home without unneccesary bumps or bruises.

4. Helmets and other 'real' hockey gear is required. We're not 20 years old. Rolled up magazines are really not adaquate shin pads. Ya, I did it back in the day and so did you. I played goal with no helmet, a pillow under my sweater and a first basemans mitt and lived to tell the story. Didn't make it a good idea.

5. No ringers. No dragging in your buddy Mike Eruzione. This should be a game between New England area brewers.

6. Teams will be decided by that time honored method of 'everyones sticks at center ice' and someone goes in and starts chuckin' sticks towards each goal. If we have a massacre going on at the end of a period we'll adjust.

7. Unless someone out there is a fledgling ref wannabe we're going with pond rules. Pond Rule #1 No Checking

8. Anyone coming to play MUST bring homebrew for after the game.

9. Anyone coming to watch must bring "twice the average volume of homebrew declared in advance by the participants." All homebrew brought to the rink is subject to critique. The judgements of the skaters will not be questioned. If you bring a Barley Wine and serve it to 20 guys who just shagged ass up and down the ice for an hour expect harsh words. At least until everyone is half in the wrapper.

10. Anyone (with the possible exception of PTN) who has gin and tonic in their water bottle will incure a 5 minute major penalty, unless the third period has begun, in which case the accused will be required to give their water bottle to the opossing bench and drink gatorade for the remainder of the game.

11. Anyone who can talk their SWMBO into donning any sort of skimpy cheerleeding outfit will be automaticly declared "HBT Hockey Lord." (I'll talk to Tex about getting you a decal or sumptin' but let's be serious, it's a hell of an idea but we all know that it ain't gonna happen so lets not get all worked up about a prize.)

12. Maybe we can pitch in and get Yoop a ticket out here for the weekend? Oh wait, she'll want to play. I'm not sure how I feel about letting Yoop 'score' on me. "OK, I mean, sure, you go girl. Give me your best shot. Try to go five hole on me. I dare ya."

13. We all agree in advance that we are a bunch of aging, overweight idiots and we agree that we will hold HBT and Tex totally blameless if some knucklehead twists an ankle and can't work and misses his morgage payment, or crashs into the boards and ends up in a wheelchair, or any other foolishness like that. Did I mention that this is a NO CHECK game?

PTN aka Cheese

eriktlupus 10-20-2009 07:27 AM

i'd make that trip if it weren't for 2 things

1. i be broke

2. i can skate but i can't stop(except by boards)

paulthenurse 10-20-2009 08:56 AM

I'm surprised by the deafening silence responding to this thread. I think this could be a lot of fun but...

Beermaker 10-20-2009 09:12 AM

Holy Sh1T!!!!! Its 4 A.M. They prolly arent even awake yet.

middleofnowhere 10-20-2009 10:15 AM

I would be in if I were closer, but the SWMBO might kill me if I ask her to put on skimpy clothes so we can drive for 20 hours so I can get drunk and play hockey.

I would be in the other net...I am not in Junior hockey shape anymore, but I am sure I could hold my own.

Revvy 10-20-2009 10:30 AM

I think you should do a webcast of this match of the century.

If the rink has wifi, all you need is a laptop, at least one camera (more would be better, and many of the free webcast sites, allow for multiple cameras) A person to operate said setup...and maybe someone to announce and provide color commentary during the game.

I'd watch this trainwreck...:D

babalu87 10-20-2009 11:30 AM

I'll have to break out the bauers
Can we use wooden sticks?

Yooper 10-20-2009 12:20 PM

Oh, that sounds like an AWESOME idea!!! I so wish I was about 1100 miles closer!

I haven't been on skates this season yet, and I'm in the worst shape of my life, so I'd be a terrible player. I can drink beer pretty well, though! :D

babalu87 10-20-2009 12:25 PM


Originally Posted by YooperBrew (Post 1620724)
Oh, that sounds like an AWESOME idea!!! I so wish I was about 1100 miles closer!

I haven't been on skates this season yet, and I'm in the worst shape of my life, so I'd be a terrible player. I can drink beer pretty well, though! :D

More players..................... then we can both be awesome 30 seconds at a time :rockin:

shecky 10-20-2009 12:52 PM

Tempting, very tempting, even though I gave up my hockey gear 25 years ago. I still skate quite a bit, so maybe, maybe ...

If nothing else, I can watch and write a perfectly factual, glowing report for the HBT Times. :D

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