So, everybody likes to make fun of us dumb Yoopers and the way we talk.
We are sick and tired of hearing about how dumb people are supposed to be in the U.P., and we challenge any so-called "smart" ass Troll to take this exam:
1. Calculate the smallest limb diameter on a White Pine tree that will support a 200 pound Black Bear.
2. Which of these cars will rust out the quickest when placed on blocks in your front yard?
(A) '65 Ford Fairlane
(B) '69 Chevrolet Chevelle
(C) '48 Ford N-8
3. If your uncle Eino builds a still which operates at a capacity of 20 gallons of shine produced per hour, how many car radiators are required to condense the product?
4. A woodcutter named 'Bob' has a chainsaw which operates at 2700 RPM. The density of the pine trees in the plot to be harvested is 470 per acre. The plot is 2.3 acres in size. The average tree diameter is 14 inches. How many Budweiser's will be drunk before the trees are cut down?
5. A front porch is constructed of 2x8 pine on 24-inch centers with a field rock foundation.. The span is 8 feet and the porch length is 16 feet. The porch floor is 1-inch rough sawn pine. When the porch collapses, how many porkey-pines will be killed?
6. A man owns a house in Toivola with 3.7 acres of land with an average slope of 15%. The man has five children. Can each of his grown Yooper children place a mobile home on the man's land and still have enough property for their electric appliances to sit out front?
7. A 2-ton truck is overloaded and proceeding 900 yards down a steep slope on a secondary road at 45 MPH heading into L'Anse. The brakes fail. Given average traffic conditions on secondary roads, what is the probability that it will strike a vehicle with a muffler?
8. With a gene pool reduction of 7.5% per generation, how long will it take a town like Engadine, which has been bypassed by the highway, to breed a country-western singer?
I betcha thought that there test was gonna be an easy one, din'tch ya? It's okay if'n y'ouse didn't do all that well. Just goes to show ya, there's a heap of things that big city book-learning don't prepare ya for in U.P. life.
As an added bonus for taking the "YOOPER CHALLENGE", here's some NORTHERLY advice that may come in handy down the road a piece ....
Next time you are too drunk to drive, walk to the nearest pizza shop and place an order. When they go to deliver it, catch a ride home with them. Works for me ! (Keep in mind, however, that approximately 3 towns in the whole UP have pizza delivery. So, this only works in the three towns that have delivery. Since we don't have cabs either, be prepared to walk if you haf ta.)
We are sick and tired of hearing about how dumb people are supposed to be in the U.P., and we challenge any so-called "smart" ass Troll to take this exam:
1. Calculate the smallest limb diameter on a White Pine tree that will support a 200 pound Black Bear.
2. Which of these cars will rust out the quickest when placed on blocks in your front yard?
(A) '65 Ford Fairlane
(B) '69 Chevrolet Chevelle
(C) '48 Ford N-8
3. If your uncle Eino builds a still which operates at a capacity of 20 gallons of shine produced per hour, how many car radiators are required to condense the product?
4. A woodcutter named 'Bob' has a chainsaw which operates at 2700 RPM. The density of the pine trees in the plot to be harvested is 470 per acre. The plot is 2.3 acres in size. The average tree diameter is 14 inches. How many Budweiser's will be drunk before the trees are cut down?
5. A front porch is constructed of 2x8 pine on 24-inch centers with a field rock foundation.. The span is 8 feet and the porch length is 16 feet. The porch floor is 1-inch rough sawn pine. When the porch collapses, how many porkey-pines will be killed?
6. A man owns a house in Toivola with 3.7 acres of land with an average slope of 15%. The man has five children. Can each of his grown Yooper children place a mobile home on the man's land and still have enough property for their electric appliances to sit out front?
7. A 2-ton truck is overloaded and proceeding 900 yards down a steep slope on a secondary road at 45 MPH heading into L'Anse. The brakes fail. Given average traffic conditions on secondary roads, what is the probability that it will strike a vehicle with a muffler?
8. With a gene pool reduction of 7.5% per generation, how long will it take a town like Engadine, which has been bypassed by the highway, to breed a country-western singer?
I betcha thought that there test was gonna be an easy one, din'tch ya? It's okay if'n y'ouse didn't do all that well. Just goes to show ya, there's a heap of things that big city book-learning don't prepare ya for in U.P. life.
As an added bonus for taking the "YOOPER CHALLENGE", here's some NORTHERLY advice that may come in handy down the road a piece ....
Next time you are too drunk to drive, walk to the nearest pizza shop and place an order. When they go to deliver it, catch a ride home with them. Works for me ! (Keep in mind, however, that approximately 3 towns in the whole UP have pizza delivery. So, this only works in the three towns that have delivery. Since we don't have cabs either, be prepared to walk if you haf ta.)
