Electric Brewing Supply 30A BCS Giveaway - Last Weekend to Enter!


Home Brew Forums > Home Brewing Community > General Chit Chat > When a sentence begins like this, it never ends well...
Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools
Old 03-01-2012, 05:17 PM   #1
CreamyGoodness
Grows On You Like Yeast
HBT_SUPPORTER.png
Feedback Score: 0 reviews
 
CreamyGoodness's Avatar
Recipes 
 
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Astoria, NY
Posts: 6,808
Liked 1689 Times on 1179 Posts
Likes Given: 2875

Default When a sentence begins like this, it never ends well...

As a public service to young and old, I have decided to list a few phrases people use when they are about to say something objectionable. When you hear one of these innocuous-sounding phrases, cut the conversation short. If you cannot cut the conversation short for some reason, violence might be the answer*.

*Creamy Goodness is not advocating violence, and is mostly kidding. He's also bored.

1) I'd hate to bother you but... (subtext: I'm going to bother the crap out of you)
2) I've been thinking... (yes, but not for very long. Something half-arsed is going to be said now... e.g. I've been thinking that maybe I should change my major to animal husbandry seeing as how I always loved my cat Fluffy)
3) We need to talk... (RUN!)
4) You're a guy/girl/man/woman right?... (this person is going to give you TMI about their sex life and/or body parts)
5) Have you heard the good news?... (not too bad, but you ARE getting a copy of "The Watchtower")
6) In MY day.... (punch this guy. Just do it. It'll come to that anyway, trust me. "When I was a kid" or "Back in the 60s, or whenever" are NOT the same thing.)
7) Are you busy?.... (You're about to be!)
8) Im just saying.... (....something vile and stupid you think you can sanitize with a moronic phrase)
9) Call me old fashioned, but... (expect something obvious to be said here. For example, "Call me old fashioned but I really don't think assaulting a police officer is acceptable behavior."
10) Not for nothing, but... (now I'm going to teach you something you already know)
11) May I speak to the male head of household 18 years of age or older?... (obviously you are unfamiliar with the way the world works. I might be 18 years of age or older and male, but do you REALLY think I'm head of household?? Why dont you call my fiance's phone so she can ignore it? Also, I dont need what you are selling)
12) Can you spare a minute for....? (NOPE!)
13) It's SO much better going to the gym BEFORE work... (congrats perfect-pants... if you need me I'll be jamming a donut in my gaping maw)
14) Last night out of the blue (Ex's name here) called me... (I'm going to have to deal with crying and or the word "bitch" arent I?)
and the final one for now...
15) Promise you wont be mad... (Not only will I not promise such a thing, I am preparing for rage...)

__________________


You are more likely to have a threesome with members of the Japanese women's curling team whilst spinning a plate on your head than you are likely to screw up a batch of JAOM.

YES, WE HAVE TRIED OTHER YEASTS! USE BREAD YEAST FOR JAOM!

CreamyGoodness is offline
 
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 03-01-2012, 05:24 PM   #2
weirdboy
HBT_LIFETIMESUPPORTER.png
Feedback Score: 4 reviews
Recipes 
 
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Los Angeles
Posts: 7,974
Liked 432 Times on 353 Posts
Likes Given: 60

Default

Can you do me a favor?

__________________
weirdboy is offline
 
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 03-01-2012, 05:29 PM   #3
JonM
HBT_SUPPORTER.png
Feedback Score: 0 reviews
 
JonM's Avatar
Recipes 
 
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Milwaukee
Posts: 4,384
Liked 785 Times on 550 Posts
Likes Given: 55

Default

Any interwebs post that begins "Umm ..." Genius always follows.

__________________
Who is this Rorschach guy? And why did he paint so many pictures of my parents fighting?
JonM is offline
 
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 03-01-2012, 06:27 PM   #4
KayaBrew
Feedback Score: 0 reviews
Recipes 
 
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: Jay, Adirondack Mountains, NY
Posts: 2,167
Liked 119 Times on 105 Posts
Likes Given: 93

Default

How about this gem: "Hey guys, watch this!"

__________________

"...Careful, man...there's a beverage here!..."

KayaBrew is offline
 
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 03-02-2012, 12:06 AM   #5
Kittyfeet
HBT_LIFETIMESUPPORTER.png
Feedback Score: 0 reviews
Recipes 
 
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: Lebanon, OR
Posts: 386
Liked 45 Times on 29 Posts
Likes Given: 43

Default

Another one is when a coworker who you don't normally deal with comes up to you suddenly and gives a big swarmy smile, pauses, and then says 'Hiii'.

I know they want me to do something, which is fine.
But the worst part is the smile. Don't smile! There's nothing funny going on! Just state your case, say please, and lemme adjust to my new workload.

__________________
Kittyfeet is offline
 
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 03-02-2012, 12:48 AM   #6
wildwest450
Feedback Score: 0 reviews
Recipes 
 
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 9,099
Liked 166 Times on 151 Posts
Likes Given: 4

Default

Is creamy goodness the new copy paste king of hbt???

__________________
wildwest450 is offline
 
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 03-02-2012, 01:40 AM   #7
JonM
HBT_SUPPORTER.png
Feedback Score: 0 reviews
 
JonM's Avatar
Recipes 
 
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Milwaukee
Posts: 4,384
Liked 785 Times on 550 Posts
Likes Given: 55

Default

"Hello, Peter. Whaaaaaaat's happening? Say, I'm gonna need you to go ahead and ..."

__________________
Who is this Rorschach guy? And why did he paint so many pictures of my parents fighting?
JonM is offline
 
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 03-02-2012, 01:52 AM   #8
beninan
Feedback Score: 0 reviews
Recipes 
 
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Bangor, Maine
Posts: 995
Liked 13 Times on 13 Posts

Default

I have an uncle (who is also a co-worker) who always starts off a conversation with "So, what did you do this weekend?" Just so he can end up talking your ear off about how awesome or crappy his weekend was.
The conversations usually go something like this:
Uncle: "So what did you do this weekend?"
Me: "Not much, brewed beer."
Uncle: "Well I went to yadda-yadda-yadda with whatsherface and didsomethingmuchbetterthanyou and now I'm going to bore you with an endless conversation on something nobody really cares to hear and so on and so on and so on..."

Every time I hear the dreaded "So what did you do this weekend?" statement, I try to make myself look super busy, answer quickly, and walk away before I get sucked in.

__________________

"Stop giving me credit for those stupid quotes! For that last time it wasn't me! STFU NOOB!" <-- Benjamin Franklin

beninan is offline
 
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 03-02-2012, 02:57 AM   #9
Kittyfeet
HBT_LIFETIMESUPPORTER.png
Feedback Score: 0 reviews
Recipes 
 
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: Lebanon, OR
Posts: 386
Liked 45 Times on 29 Posts
Likes Given: 43

Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by beninan View Post
Every time I hear the dreaded "So what did you do this weekend?" statement, I try to make myself look super busy, answer quickly, and walk away before I get sucked in.
That's a shame. This question gets asked every Monday at 8am by either me or an office mate. It's a good way to start the week. Maybe the difference is that we all actually participate in the conversation and listen to each other, tho.
__________________
Kittyfeet is offline
 
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 03-02-2012, 03:08 AM   #10
NineMilBill
Feedback Score: 0 reviews
Recipes 
 
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Tacoma, WA
Posts: 751
Liked 55 Times on 53 Posts
Likes Given: 63

Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by wildwest450 View Post
Is creamy goodness the new copy paste king of hbt???
I bet he's got a ton of Yo Mamma jokes just a Ctrl + V away!
__________________
NineMilBill is offline
 
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Reply



Quick Reply
Message:
Options
Thread Tools


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Never ends... Nova5 General Chit Chat 3 08-21-2010 04:58 PM
Bulletproof DWI Stud Lawyer ends up in Jail EdWort General Chit Chat 18 07-21-2010 02:55 PM
Formula one season begins. Any racing fans? Memorex88 General Chit Chat 22 04-04-2009 05:44 AM
My New Tattoo Part 2: The Shading Begins wedge421 General Chit Chat 16 05-30-2008 03:41 PM
And So It Begins . . . . TexLaw General Chit Chat 17 12-22-2007 03:10 AM