Poor kid would always be in trouble with mom because he would turn his back on her. Dad couldn't touch him (unless he truly was an ass). He'd never have a chance with the ladies for risk of getting stuck. But his could probably piss gold.
Bottled - Swamp Water Mead
Kegged - Ryerish Red
Fermenting - Plinius Maior
For a quart of Ale is a dish for a king.
― William Shakespeare