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Old 06-21-2012, 08:10 PM   #1
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Default Now considering all suggestions on how to deal with a thieving, lying roommate

Roommates are miserable hell spawn sometimes. WTF is wrong with some people!? My girlfriend has now had TWO roommates in a row who help themselves to anything in the house, food in particular.

I know what you're thinking already: she makes poor choices in roommates. You're half right. The first one was an awful, ill-conceived choice. He really was a miserable POS. Never had rent on time, ate anything in the house, never bought any of his own groceries, never helped clean up.... the list goes on.

When he'd moved out, another guy moved in. Now this second guy wasn't a stranger to me. I'd met him several times. We'd gone to dinner, out for drinks. He seemed all right by all accounts. He talked about the things he does as a roommate - all the right stuff said there. He was employed at a good company in good position. He paid rent up front as soon as he'd moved in, and he initially did a lot of yard work (and nobody even asked him to do so since what he did was nice but unnecessary).

I don't know if the guy has emotional problems or not. I think he does. Sadly, I think it's from being in combat (he's a veteran). Something really off with him, which will be covered later in this rant. Initially, he was always hanging around my girlfriend and I. Very buddy, buddy. Everything needed to be a group activity with him, including sharing groceries. That was fine for a while. He seemed nice and he wasn't awful to be around or anything like that, and he bought the shared groceries when it was his turn. I have to say that I would never share groceries with a roommate, but it wasn't my living situation.

After a while, it got to the point where we had to make it obvious that the two of us were going to go do something as a couple without him because otherwise he seemed to assume that he was invited. That should be reasonable. But thus started a change in his personality. He started going out and getting drunk on a regular basis (and yes, driving too), stopped doing anything to help out around the house, stopped buying his own groceries and started eating my girlfriend's food.

She told him that she wasn't interested in sharing food anymore and he needed to buy his own stuff because he was no longer keeping up with buying things when it was his turn. Okay, says he.

Now, my girlfriend has a heart of gold - to a fault, unfortunately. She let this go on for too long before saying anything. Unfortunately, nothing changed. The only positive thing I can say about him living there is that he pays his rent on time and in full. She's asked him to stop using her tools, stop eating her food, help out with keeping the house clean, etc. Nothing changed.

So recently when she confronted him about using her tools yet again after she'd said he needs to ask, he blew up. He said he was >this
Well, when she told me the way he'd reacted to her, I stomped outside to where he was working on his car WITH her tools still in his hands and told him that if he had something to say to me, he'd better say it to my face. I called him on his BS when he claimed he wasn't doing anything and I told him that yes, he should move out. And then I went back inside. I was actually fairly proud that I'd kept my head as well as I had. The total exchange lasted less than a minute.

He says he's planning on being out by the 15th of July since that's 30 days since the conversation occurred. By SC state law, he has to have a minimum of that amount of time to move. Fine. Nothing we can do about that, BUT he's STILL eating her food and helping himself to whatever else he wants. AND lying about it when confronted. Milk doesn't open and drink half of itself.

What worries me is that he's not emotionally stable. The GF told me that he actually followed a girl he was seeing after she stopped returning his calls/texts, and he actually walked up to her car and knocked on the window when she was out with another guy. So he told my GF anyway, seemingly clueless that he'd done anything wrong. He also likes to get all handsy with girls he's just met in bars, rubbing their shoulders in a very familiar way. He's a creepy dude sometimes.

Legally, we can't change the locks on him and put his stuff outside. But I want him to know that I won't tolerate him screwing with my girlfriend. He's stealing from her! It may be petty theft, but it's theft all the same. She's killing herself trying to open a catering business right now and this is the last thing she needs to worry about since she can hardly afford to live while she's got no income.

I'm thinking of putting laxatives in some select, but known to us, food items in the house. Talking to him has thus far been useless.

What would you do?

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Old 06-21-2012, 08:17 PM   #2
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Your girlfriend has male roommates? I think I'd start there. Crazy, drunk emotional unstable man alone with my girlfriend? No way.

Sounds like a tough situation. I'd just tough it out for 15 more days. But keep a close eye and be ready to call police if any funny business happens.

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Old 06-21-2012, 08:22 PM   #3
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I've had my fair share of awful roommates over the years. it's never fun and never easy. Just this past year i've had three roommates that ultimately led to the same situation, basically coming to a point of telling them they need to get the f**k out.

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I'm thinking of putting laxatives in some select, but known to us, food items in the house. Talking to him has thus far been useless.
Is definitely something i wouldn't do. It serves no real purpose and will most certainly cause MORE problems for you.

I say bide your time until he moves out, and just be as non-confrontational and non-douchebaggy as you can, since you claimed yourself .. you might be a douche bag.

While you can't change the locks, you can lock up certain items that you really don't want him using, ie tools and other things for the time being.
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Old 06-21-2012, 08:45 PM   #4
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Your girlfriend has male roommates? I think I'd start there. Crazy, drunk emotional unstable man alone with my girlfriend? No way.

Sounds like a tough situation. I'd just tough it out for 15 more days. But keep a close eye and be ready to call police if any funny business happens.
Yeah, I don't like it either. He didn't start out this way at all. I don't think he's dangerous, just a bit creepy. How those two could be mutually exclusive, I don't know, but try not to screw with my thought process there. I'll sleep better.

Mitigating the situation is the fact that she has two very large dogs that would probably eat him if he tried anything.

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I say bide your time until he moves out, and just be as non-confrontational and non-douchebaggy as you can, since you claimed yourself .. you might be a douche bag.

While you can't change the locks, you can lock up certain items that you really don't want him using, ie tools and other things for the time being.
It's hard to say whether or not I'm a d-bag. The second set of lab results haven't come back yet. The first ones were inconclusive.

I wasn't completely serious about the laxatives. But I'm not taking it off of the table either.
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Old 06-21-2012, 08:53 PM   #5
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If he is a veteran I'd get a bunch of brown bags or bubble wrap and just start popping them at random times when he's not looking. Always a good time if the person has been in a real war zone. Louder the better.

Laxatives are good. Also hide the toilet paper (and shower curtains) when you do it.

Could randomly go through his clothes. Borrow his things and then misplace it somewhere else in the house.

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Old 06-21-2012, 09:04 PM   #6
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I'd cut him some slack, he's obviously going through a pretty rough time in his life. You try deploying to a place where everyone is trying to kill you for 15 months and see how emotionally stable you keep. Some people can handle stress better than others, and there might even be underlying emotional problems as well but I kinda feel for the guy.

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Old 06-21-2012, 09:05 PM   #7
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I have nothing to contribute to the current dilemma but, I do have a curiosity as to why someone very familiar with her, or her very familiar with him, hasn't stepped up to the plate to end the bad roomate conundrum?

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Old 06-21-2012, 09:13 PM   #8
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Quote:
Originally Posted by landshark View Post
If he is a veteran I'd get a bunch of brown bags or bubble wrap and just start popping them at random times when he's not looking. Always a good time if the person has been in a real war zone. Louder the better.

Laxatives are good. Also hide the toilet paper (and shower curtains) when you do it.

Could randomly go through his clothes. Borrow his things and then misplace it somewhere else in the house.
I hope these suggestions were in no way serious.

Listen, I can emphasize with you that the situation sucks but you've said your peace and have two weeks left until its over.

As much as I love effing with people I would never torment a veteran with something like popping bags. If he snapped and stabbed you in a neck as a reaction (because maybe he has been through real ****) you'd deserve every bit of it. I just have a little more respect for veterans than to do something like that.

With the dude being creepy there isn't much you can do there other than just don't hang out with him. Have your girl lock her stuff in her room and crash with you for a little if you can. Effin with this dude is only going to make things worse.

My girl just moved in with me and previously she had two ****ty roomies. One was a waste of a person who relied on self entitlement and had an attitude unmatched by another for no reason. The other ( a male friend of hers from college, I had known and it wasn't a weird type of situation at all) moved in, didn't pay rent for 3 months, ate all the food, drank all the beer, and never offered to give money or restock anything. She couldn't take it anymore so she ended up moving out. almost lost her friendship with that guy cause he was so difficult to live with.

It's going to suck for her for two weeks but it'll be over and he'll be gone...just don't buy any food you need for the fridge or stuff you aren't going to eat that night. Don't give him the opportunity to take it from you. And anything else have her just locked in her room where he doesn't have access (a new knob with an actual key is only like $8)
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Old 06-21-2012, 09:22 PM   #9
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She's staying in crappy situation as a ploy to get you to pop the question.

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Old 06-21-2012, 09:27 PM   #10
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She's staying in crappy situation as a ploy to get you to pop the question.
A damsel creating distress?


Clever!
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