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Old 12-19-2012, 03:05 PM   #1
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Default Marriage counseling advice

Has any of you ever went. Did it help? Advice on seeking one?

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Old 12-19-2012, 03:36 PM   #2
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Do your research before committing to a counselor. I went to two of them. The first was a woman who was determined to use my drinking (at that point 6-8 beers a week) as the main reason for all of our problems. She didn't last too long, even my wife thought she was nuts. My second one had a much more realistic take on our problems and helped us work through them. I'm proud to say we've been been married for almost seven years, and our marriage seems to be getting stronger and stronger. I would definitely recommend seeing one first if you're having a few problems. It's nothing to be ashamed of, sometimes an outsiders unbiased prospective is all that is needed.

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Old 12-19-2012, 03:38 PM   #3
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I have no experience or advice, but it is inappropriate to applaud you (and your wife) for taking the first steps?

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Old 12-19-2012, 03:40 PM   #4
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Me and my wife got lucky. The first one we saw (a woman) was amazing and really helped our relationship. Like Wus67 said, I feel that our marriage got stronger during and after the sessions. I highly recommend going to one.

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Old 12-19-2012, 03:55 PM   #5
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I have looked into before. Do your research! The cheaper ones are fresh out of school. If you go to church, alot of them prodvide Marriage counseling for members for free. (imho that would be best) In my situation, things was getting so bad. I filed for divorce before we could go see a counseler. It was the hardest thing I ever did, but I feel it was the best thing for me in the long run. Good luck to you. I wish you the best.

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Old 12-19-2012, 05:11 PM   #6
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I went before my divorce, so obviously you know the outcome.

The first was chosen based on where she was located and my insurance. We only went twice. At the second visit, she very nicely told my wife that it was plainly obvious that compromise was not her strong point. That was the last time we saw her.

The second was a recommendation from her mother, and ended up being a complete setup to get me to walk away. As soon as I realized that (took me 5 minutes in the guy's office), I walked out and mentally prepared myself for battle.

That said, I am happily re-married and would do anything necessary to keep my current relationship healthy.

My recommendation is to look for "preservation of marriage" (I believe that's the term they use, its been awhile) counselors. Those counselors commit to 1 goal: fixing your marriage. They aren't looking to just be a kind ear or referee. They are there to help you fix your problems no matter how tough they are.

Best of luck!

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Old 12-19-2012, 05:40 PM   #7
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When my ex and I had problems, I used an attorney for my counselor!

But your wife probably hasn't done the things that my ex did.
I wish you the best and hope it all works out.

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Old 12-19-2012, 06:03 PM   #8
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Quote:
Originally Posted by 45_70sharps View Post
When my ex and I had problems, I used an attorney for my counselor!

But your wife probably hasn't done the things that my ex did.
I wish you the best and hope it all works out.
Yeah, a buddy of mine's wife tried to kill him with a ball-peen hammer while he was sleeping a few years back. That's a sure sign that it's probably too late for the counselor if you ask me but believe it or not they are still together.

So I guess my point is hang in there if you think she's worth it and good luck!

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Old 12-19-2012, 06:09 PM   #9
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Quote:
Originally Posted by headbanger View Post

Yeah, a buddy of mine's wife tried to kill him with a ball-peen hammer while he was sleeping a few years back. That's a sure sign that it's probably too late for the counselor if you ask me but believe it or not they are still together.

So I guess my point is hang in there if you think she's worth it and good luck!

Wow! Your buddy may need counseling if he is still with a woman who tried killing him.

Counseling maybe worth it for the OP, Assuming no one's tried killing anyone.
If you think it can be made to work you need to work hard on it now.
I have seen a lot of couples that split up and then got back together.
Some of them made it on the second try, but I have not seen any where things were good like they should be.

I suppose my point to that is if it's worth saving, put the work in before you guys end up split up. The odds aren't nearly as good after you've made it to the point of splitting.

Other than that the only other thing I can say is if there is any incident that caused a lack of trust, I wouldn't have very high hopes of things ever being good again.
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Old 12-19-2012, 06:22 PM   #10
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Quote:
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Wow! Your buddy may need counseling if he is still with a woman who tried killing him.
Oh there is no question about that.
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