Electric Brewing Supply 30A BCS Giveaway!


Home Brew Forums > Home Brewing Community > General Chit Chat > Marriage Advice
Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools
Old 01-13-2011, 05:27 PM   #1
Nic0
HBT_LIFETIMESUPPORTER.png
Feedback Score: 0 reviews
 
Nic0's Avatar
Recipes 
 
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Bartlesville, OK
Posts: 182
Liked 1 Times on 1 Posts
Likes Given: 4

Default Marriage Advice

No delicate way to put this....who has gone through a separation/divorce before in a Marriage? Suggestions? Advice? Words of Wisdom? Anything inbetween?

Thanks,

Nic

__________________

Bottled: a strange yet somehow award winning pale ale
Primary Fermenter: Experimental porter
Kegged: Nothing, as I have no kegging equipment
Favorite Commercial Beers: Guinness Foreign Extra Stout, Young's D.C. Stout, Choc Last Laugh
Upscale equipment project slowly progressing.

Nic0 is offline
 
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 01-13-2011, 05:32 PM   #2
WildGingerBrewing
HBT_LIFETIMESUPPORTER.png
Feedback Score: 0 reviews
 
WildGingerBrewing's Avatar
Recipes 
 
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: McKinney, TX
Posts: 11,368
Liked 1931 Times on 1905 Posts
Likes Given: 5

Default

Ouch! Sorry man. There was a thread on here last year that turned into a really good thread about divorce and separation, but I can't remember where it is. Either way, you'll soon see, that most of us on here have been divorced or separated at some point. It's tough and hard as hell. Keep you head up and try to stay positive. The one thing I did was make sure that I did NOT drink a lot. Knowing that I have a tendency to imbibe a bit too much I knew that drowning my sorrows was a bad idea. Surround yourself with friends too. Try to do things to take your mind off of it, ie, brew more. Tme is really the only thing that will make it better.

Have you been married long? Is a divorce definite or just a separation? Kids? I hope that it works out for you! Good luck.

__________________
Doritos are evil. Taco Bell is evil. Ergo, Ginger is Satan. - Shecky
I should have known the thought of Ginger's wang flopping would be enough to kill the TR. - KCBrewer
Ginger is famous? - TXCrash
WildGingerBrewing is offline
 
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 01-13-2011, 05:45 PM   #3
Nic0
HBT_LIFETIMESUPPORTER.png
Feedback Score: 0 reviews
 
Nic0's Avatar
Recipes 
 
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Bartlesville, OK
Posts: 182
Liked 1 Times on 1 Posts
Likes Given: 4

Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Jason_Merritt View Post
Ouch! Sorry man. There was a thread on here last year that turned into a really good thread about divorce and separation, but I can't remember where it is. Either way, you'll soon see, that most of us on here have been divorced or separated at some point. It's tough and hard as hell. Keep you head up and try to stay positive. The one thing I did was make sure that I did NOT drink a lot. Knowing that I have a tendency to imbibe a bit too much I knew that drowning my sorrows was a bad idea. Surround yourself with friends too. Try to do things to take your mind off of it, ie, brew more. Tme is really the only thing that will make it better.

Have you been married long? Is a divorce definite or just a separation? Kids? I hope that it works out for you! Good luck.
Wow. "most" is a pretty large number!

ANyway, I'll try not to get too detailed but we married in Nov 2009, so a little over a year. I never expected things to be easy and not require work. We had our tiffs and arguments, but rarely anything major. A few months back (before the 1 year mark) she just kinda told me she wasn't happy, but she didn't really know why, and I still don't think she does. She's jsut been going out all the time since then (it ramped up, not sudden). She's told me I'm a great husband and all her friends think she's crazy for not being happy, but hey you can't force happiness. We are not currently divorced, but we are separating in a couple of weeks. She has never had a chance to really fully support herself, and always had parents to bail her out financially if needed, so I think one thing that's bothering her is that she doesn't even know if she can do it. Maybe that's the ONLY major thing. We will see. But she's got an apartment lease signed and getting all set up to move out at the end of the month. That's kinda where we stand.

No kids, and none in the making as far as I know. And I guess I'm old and don't typically try to drink my problems away. I've tried to stay positive and I Think I'm handling it well... got plenty of good friends. Not all of them know yet, still trying to find the best way to break it to them and my family (her mom knows, don't think her dad knows).

Anyway, well thanks for the help..... I'll hope for the best.


Nic
__________________

Bottled: a strange yet somehow award winning pale ale
Primary Fermenter: Experimental porter
Kegged: Nothing, as I have no kegging equipment
Favorite Commercial Beers: Guinness Foreign Extra Stout, Young's D.C. Stout, Choc Last Laugh
Upscale equipment project slowly progressing.

Nic0 is offline
 
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 01-13-2011, 05:54 PM   #4
Homercidal
Moderator
HBT_MODERATOR.png
Feedback Score: 0 reviews
 
Homercidal's Avatar
Recipes 
 
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Reed City, MI
Posts: 23,867
Liked 2253 Times on 1608 Posts
Likes Given: 1237

Default

Sounds like a somewhat amicable separation. Very different from the couple that I know that went through this. I'm kind of feeling sorry for her, not knowing why she is not happy. Many facets of life can depress you. Hell, just getting older is a bit depressing! Maybe all she needs is to be on her own for a bit and see what life alone is like.

And it sucks being "a great person and all", but still not being able to make it work. Hang in there, keep on being yourself and you will be happy. People do get back together, so who knows if this is temporary, or the start of something completely different for you.

I'm lucky to be in a marriage where I think we both look forward to growing old together. Ok, maybe not growing old together, but being together. Can't help the growing old part!

As far as advice, I'd say, don't make it harder for both of you by being a jerk. It only takes one to start a jerk fest.

__________________
Homercidal is online now
 
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 01-13-2011, 06:06 PM   #5
WildGingerBrewing
HBT_LIFETIMESUPPORTER.png
Feedback Score: 0 reviews
 
WildGingerBrewing's Avatar
Recipes 
 
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: McKinney, TX
Posts: 11,368
Liked 1931 Times on 1905 Posts
Likes Given: 5

Default

Maybe I should restate the "most" of us comment. What I meant was that most of the people that commented on that prefvious thread had been through something similar.

To comment on homer's comment, my wife and I separated a month before our 10th anniversary. She wasn't happy and moved out. 8 months later we worked things out and she moved home. We have our 12th anniversary in a couple of weeks. So it is possible. Just stay positive and don't try to start arguements over trivial things.

__________________
Doritos are evil. Taco Bell is evil. Ergo, Ginger is Satan. - Shecky
I should have known the thought of Ginger's wang flopping would be enough to kill the TR. - KCBrewer
Ginger is famous? - TXCrash
WildGingerBrewing is offline
 
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 01-13-2011, 06:09 PM   #6
Dunerunner
Feedback Score: 0 reviews
Recipes 
 
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: Florence, OR
Posts: 831
Liked 12 Times on 11 Posts
Likes Given: 29

Default

Sorry to hear it, hope it works out for both of you. Stay positive, get a lawyer. Don't share a lawyer with your wife to save money, it will cost you in the end. Get control of the credit cards, checking and savings accounts. Make sure her name or authority to use those accounts is removed. If you owned a home together get her to sign a quit claim. Get a lawyer and file the divorce papers before she does. Did I mention "Get a Lawyer"!

Sorry to be so cold, but my ex and I didn't walk away from the marriage smiling!

__________________
Dunerunner is offline
 
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 01-13-2011, 07:21 PM   #7
Airborneguy
Adjunct of the Law
HBT_LIFETIMESUPPORTER.png
Feedback Score: 1 reviews
 
Airborneguy's Avatar
Recipes 
 
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Isle of Staten
Posts: 10,856
Liked 838 Times on 621 Posts
Likes Given: 1105

Default

Break all ties as soon as the decision is final and stick to it, that's advice I give everyone. Not completely breaking ties hurt me in the end. And it gets better. I am now happily married again, with a kid and wouldn't trade my new family for anything. Live and learn...

__________________
Fermentor(s):
Lagering:
Bottled: Atonement Brown Porter
Airborneguy is offline
 
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 01-13-2011, 07:23 PM   #8
Nic0
HBT_LIFETIMESUPPORTER.png
Feedback Score: 0 reviews
 
Nic0's Avatar
Recipes 
 
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Bartlesville, OK
Posts: 182
Liked 1 Times on 1 Posts
Likes Given: 4

Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Homercidal View Post
Sounds like a somewhat amicable separation. Very different from the couple that I know that went through this. I'm kind of feeling sorry for her, not knowing why she is not happy. Many facets of life can depress you. Hell, just getting older is a bit depressing! Maybe all she needs is to be on her own for a bit and see what life alone is like.

And it sucks being "a great person and all", but still not being able to make it work. Hang in there, keep on being yourself and you will be happy. People do get back together, so who knows if this is temporary, or the start of something completely different for you.

I'm lucky to be in a marriage where I think we both look forward to growing old together. Ok, maybe not growing old together, but being together. Can't help the growing old part!

As far as advice, I'd say, don't make it harder for both of you by being a jerk. It only takes one to start a jerk fest.
I feel sorry for her too. And she's agreed to go to counseling with me (or separately, if needed).

And rarely will I be a jerk to anyone (maybe if they cut me off in traffic). If for some reason things didn't work out, I'd rather end up with a friend than an enemy, or neutral party at worst.
__________________

Bottled: a strange yet somehow award winning pale ale
Primary Fermenter: Experimental porter
Kegged: Nothing, as I have no kegging equipment
Favorite Commercial Beers: Guinness Foreign Extra Stout, Young's D.C. Stout, Choc Last Laugh
Upscale equipment project slowly progressing.

Nic0 is offline
 
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 01-13-2011, 11:30 PM   #9
skyebrewing
Feedback Score: 0 reviews
Recipes 
 
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Santa Cruz, Ca
Posts: 424
Liked 4 Times on 4 Posts
Likes Given: 8

Default

Im on marriage number 3 (one divorce involving a child, one not) so not a marriage counselor, but familiar with separations. If you want things to work, give space and let her get it together. Just let her come to you when she is ready. If you arent up to waiting or have lost faith, cut it off completely to save yourself some heartache. Like mentioned earlier, only time will fix it and nothing can speed that up. Good luck, and use this thread to vent as needed. Seems like there are plenty of people here willing to help

__________________
skyebrewing is offline
 
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 01-14-2011, 02:26 AM   #10
maxamuus
Feedback Score: 0 reviews
Recipes 
 
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Utah
Posts: 870
Liked 62 Times on 52 Posts
Likes Given: 34

Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Nic0 View Post
And I guess I'm old
Old? You are 25!
__________________
maxamuus is offline
 
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Reply



Quick Reply
Message:
Options
Thread Tools


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
10 gallon batches and marriage Yooper General Chit Chat 22 06-11-2010 01:16 AM
Job advice Skins_Brew General Chit Chat 6 08-25-2008 11:17 AM
Need some advice... skeeordye11 General Chit Chat 4 09-24-2007 02:19 PM
Need advice..... Ol' Grog General Chit Chat 15 10-30-2006 05:37 PM
just need a little advice jls1260 General Chit Chat 9 12-09-2005 04:46 PM