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Old 12-12-2012, 03:14 PM   #1
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Default A major break-through in parenting! From a childless man.

So, the wife and a couple friends went to the new joint down the block for dinner. They have barbeque they smoke off-site, a nice draft beer list, and kegs of bourbon. So far so good. Everything is served in mason jars, and everyone sits where they can find room at long oak tables. A little hipstery, but then I have a hipster tendency or two. They need to get the line situation under control and the restrooms arent the best, but I'm sure they will in time. Some of the sauces better than others, and they run out of food quickly... needs a little work but a solid effort. Creamy approves.

What surprised me a bit was the number of folks who brought their infants and put them in those little attach it to a table baby seats. This was at about 8pm.

What really surprised me was that in a bustling, loud beer garden/rib joint you didnt hear a single baby crying. The little guy across from me on the other side of the table had this kind of bemused "where in the bloody HELL am I??" look on his little face the whole time. When I went to the restroom I passed by another infant, this time a girl (helpfully labelled with a bib that said "daddy's girl", sucking her pacifier with a confused wrinkled brow.

Lesson learned. When I have a kid and it starts fussing, I am going to bring it to The Strand, where he or she will be over stimulated in the auditory sense whilst orafactorily they will be bombarded with wing sauce, good bourbon, great beer, and mediocre kidney beans. Brilliant!

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Old 12-12-2012, 03:22 PM   #2
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I know the smell of a good smokehouse calms me down, so yeah I guess it would work for a wee bairn. Or maybe the lack of fresh air was actually smothering the child....

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Old 12-12-2012, 03:32 PM   #3
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I know the smell of a good smokehouse calms me down
Works for bees, too.

You know, after hundreds of these threads, I think Creamy may FINALLY be onto something.

Either that or hipster kids are just calm by nature. They're genetically/morally/socially superior to all others and they know this at birth, so they're too busy judging all the wannabe hipsters at places like this.
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Old 12-12-2012, 04:41 PM   #4
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A cloroform soaked teddy bear works good too

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Old 12-12-2012, 04:57 PM   #5
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Originally Posted by CreamyGoodness View Post
So, the wife and a couple friends went to the new joint down the block for dinner. They have barbeque they smoke off-site, a nice draft beer list, and kegs of bourbon. So far so good. Everything is served in mason jars, and everyone sits where they can find room at long oak tables. A little hipstery, but then I have a hipster tendency or two. They need to get the line situation under control and the restrooms arent the best, but I'm sure they will in time. Some of the sauces better than others, and they run out of food quickly... needs a little work but a solid effort. Creamy approves.

What surprised me a bit was the number of folks who brought their infants and put them in those little attach it to a table baby seats. This was at about 8pm.

What really surprised me was that in a bustling, loud beer garden/rib joint you didnt hear a single baby crying. The little guy across from me on the other side of the table had this kind of bemused "where in the bloody HELL am I??" look on his little face the whole time. When I went to the restroom I passed by another infant, this time a girl (helpfully labelled with a bib that said "daddy's girl", sucking her pacifier with a confused wrinkled brow.

Lesson learned. When I have a kid and it starts fussing, I am going to bring it to The Strand, where he or she will be over stimulated in the auditory sense whilst orafactorily they will be bombarded with wing sauce, good bourbon, great beer, and mediocre kidney beans. Brilliant!

If you keep them overloaded they have a tendency to shut down.

I'm sure the ribs had more to do with it though.
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Old 12-12-2012, 06:21 PM   #6
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I hate going to a nicer restaurant with a bunch of screaming germ carrying kids in them. If I ran a restaurant there would be a people with kids section just like the smokers aquarium at the airports.

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Old 12-12-2012, 06:25 PM   #7
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Good bourbon applied orafactorily to an infant/child has indentical results in the proper amounts.

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Old 12-12-2012, 06:32 PM   #8
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Originally Posted by Goofynewfie View Post
A cloroform soaked teddy bear works good too
For what? Getting dates?

(I kid, I kid!)
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Old 12-12-2012, 10:44 PM   #9
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Do the hipster babies wear skinny jeans and ironic t-shirts?

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Old 12-13-2012, 03:42 PM   #10
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How old do they have to be before you can give them ribs and bourbon? I offered the baby across from me some but the parents gave me a really nasty look. I was just being nice.

I will admit, though, that offering a baby some babybacks seems to be in poor taste...

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