Electric Brewing Supply 30A BCS Giveaway!


Home Brew Forums > Home Brewing Community > General Chit Chat > Joke of the Day
Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools
Old 06-28-2008, 03:38 AM   #1
homebrewer_99
Feedback Score: 0 reviews
 
homebrewer_99's Avatar
Recipes 
 
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: Atkinson (near the Quad Cities), IL
Posts: 17,951
Liked 85 Times on 75 Posts
Likes Given: 1

Default Joke of the Day

A man wearing a balaclava bursts into a sperm bank with a shot gun.

"Open the f*****g safe!" he yells at the girl behind the counter.

"But we're not a real bank" replies the girl. "This is a sperm bank, we don't hold money".

"Don't argue just open the safe or I'll blow your f*****g head off!" She obliges and opens the safe door.

"Take one of the bottles and drink it!"

"But it's full of sperm" the girl replies nervously.

"Don't argue, just drink it" he says.

She pries off the cap and gulps it down.

"Take out another one and drink it too!" he demands.

The girl drinks another one.

Suddenly the guy pulls off the balaclava and to the girl's amazement it's her husband.......

"Not that f*****g difficult is it?" he says.

(Asterix were already in the joke...no censoring took place here...)

__________________
HB Bill
homebrewer_99 is offline
 
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 06-28-2008, 03:40 AM   #2
eschatz
Feedback Score: 0 reviews
 
eschatz's Avatar
Recipes 
 
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Terre Haute, IN
Posts: 3,466
Liked 30 Times on 17 Posts

Default

nice, what a classic!

__________________
play the bass, brew the beer

What's tappening? :D
eschatz is offline
 
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 04-15-2009, 09:42 PM   #3
yourdudeness
Feedback Score: 0 reviews
Recipes 
 
Join Date: Apr 2009
Posts: 23
Likes Given: 7

Default

The phone rings. A woman answers.
"Is this Mrs. Brauer?"
"Yes?"
"We're deeply sorry to inform you that your husband just drowned to death in a conditioning tank at the brewery he works at."
"Oh my God, that's terrible...please tell me he did't suffer too much"
"Oh, I don't think so....he got out about three times to pee!"

__________________
yourdudeness is offline
 
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 04-15-2009, 09:49 PM   #4
tireater
Registered User
Feedback Score: 0 reviews
Recipes 
 
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: Santa Barbara
Posts: 385
Default

Two homebrewers are walking by a park and see a dog licking it's balls...

One says 'I wonder if I could do that'...

The other says 'Maybe you ought to pet him first'...

__________________
tireater is offline
 
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 04-15-2009, 09:55 PM   #5
BierMuncher
...My Junk is Ugly...
HBT_MODERATOR.png
Feedback Score: 0 reviews
 
BierMuncher's Avatar
Recipes 
 
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: St. Louis, MO
Posts: 12,195
Liked 585 Times on 343 Posts
Likes Given: 218

Default

Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch, grabbed the dog, and slipped quietly into the garage.

I hooked the boat up to the truck, and proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour.

The wind was blowing 50 mph, so I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad all day.

I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed.

I cuddled up to my wife's back, now with a different anticipation, and whispered, "The weather out there is terrible."

My loving wife of 10 years replied, "Can you believe my stupid husband is out fishing in that?"

BierMuncher is offline
 
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 04-16-2009, 12:28 AM   #6
tireater
Registered User
Feedback Score: 0 reviews
Recipes 
 
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: Santa Barbara
Posts: 385
Default

Why is pubic hair curly...?


So you don't poke your eye out...

__________________
tireater is offline
 
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 01-25-2010, 05:17 PM   #7
springer
Feedback Score: 0 reviews
 
springer's Avatar
Recipes 
 
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Wappingers falls NY
Posts: 4,990
Liked 20 Times on 19 Posts

Default

George Bush, Queen Elizabeth, and Vladimir Putin all die and go to hell. While there, they spy a red phone and ask what the phone is for. The devil tells them it is for calling back to Earth.

Putin asks to call Russia and talks for 5 minutes. When he was finished the devil informs him that the cost is a million dollars, so Putin writes him a check.

Next Queen Elizabeth calls England and talks for 30 minutes. When she was finished the devil informs her that cost is 6 million dollars, so Queen Elizabeth writes him a check.
Finally George Bush gets his turn and talks for 4 hours. When he was finished the devil informed him that there would be no charge for the call and feel free to call the USA anytime.

When Putin hears this he goes ballistic and asks the devil why Bush got to call the USA free.

The devil replied, "Since Obama became president of the USA , the country has gone to hell, so it's a local call.

__________________

'The taxpayer: That's someone who works for the federal government but doesn't have to take the civil service examination.'- Ronald Reagan

springer is offline
 
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 01-26-2010, 02:01 PM   #8
couplebeers
Feedback Score: 0 reviews
Recipes 
 
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Dedham, MA
Posts: 58
Default

An out of work actor gets a call from his agent one day. “I’ve got you a job” says his agent.

“That’s great!” says the actor. “What is it?”

“Well,” says the agent, “it’s a one-liner.”

“That’s ok replies the actor, “I’ve been out of work so long I’ll take anything; What’s the line?”

“‘Hark! I hear the cannons roar’”, says the agent.

“I love it,” says the actor. “When’s the audition?”

“Wednesday.” says the agent.

Wednesday comes and the actor arrives at the audition. He marches on stage and shouts with all the passion of the line, “Hark! I hear the cannons roar!”

“Brilliant!” says the director. “You’ve got the job. Be here 9 o’clock Saturday evening.”

The actor is so excited that he got the job that he goes on a major bender. He wakes up 8:30 Saturday evening and runs to the theatre continually repeating his line; “Hark! I hear the cannons roar! Hark! I hear the cannons roar! Hark! I hear the cannons roar!”

He arrives at the stage entrance, out of breath and is stopped by the bouncer. “Who are you?” asks the bouncer. “I’m ‘Hark! I hear the cannons roar!’” You’re ‘Hark! I hear the cannons roar!? You’re late. Get up to make-up straight away.

So he runs up to the make-up girl. “Who are you?” she says?

“I’m ‘Hark! I hear the cannons roar!”

“You’re ‘Hark! I hear the cannons roar!? You’re late. Sit down here,” she says as she starts to apply the make up. After she’s finished he dashes down to the stage.

“Who are you?” says the stage-manager.

“I’m ‘Hark! I hear the cannons roar!” he says.

“You’re ‘Hark! I hear the cannons roar!? Get on out there, the curtain is about to go up.

So he tears onto the stage. The curtains rise, the house is full.
Suddenly there is an almighty bang behind him, and the actor turns around and shouts, “WHAT F*CK WAS THAT?”

__________________

Primary: Brown Ale, Pear Wine, Peach Wine
Bottled: Pecan Porter, Brown Ale, Raspberry Wheat
Coming up: ???

couplebeers is offline
 
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 01-26-2010, 02:30 PM   #9
imaguitargod
Feedback Score: 0 reviews
Recipes 
 
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: Local Mind Expander of Cleveland, OH
Posts: 1,046
Liked 8 Times on 8 Posts

Default

An Irshman walks past a bar................hey, it could happen.

__________________

Brewer for Hoppin' Frog Brewery.
"I am not an alcoholic, I’m a drunk. An alcoholic means that I have a problem and when I drink all my problems go away."

imaguitargod is offline
 
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 01-26-2010, 05:30 PM   #10
Mike M
Feedback Score: 0 reviews
Recipes 
 
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: , Delaware
Posts: 545
Liked 16 Times on 12 Posts
Likes Given: 37

Default

A hooded armed robber bursts into the bank and tells the tellers to put all the cash in the bag.


On his way out the door with the loot, one brave customer grabs the hood and pulls it off revealing the robber's face.



The robber shoots the guy in the head without hesitation!



He then looks around the bank to see if anyone else has seen him.



One of the tellers is looking straight at him. The robber walks over and calmly shoots her in the head.



Everyone by now is very scared and looking down at the floor.



"Did anyone else see my face?" calls the robber.



There follows a tense silence. Then an elderly gent, looking down, tentatively raises his hand and says:



"I think my wife may have caught a glimpse"

__________________
Mike M is offline
 
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Reply



Quick Reply
Message:
Options
Thread Tools


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Maybe it's a joke ... david_42 General Chit Chat 2 12-21-2006 12:23 AM