the_bird

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**** that. You're committed (and compatible) or you aren't, regardless of whether you're married.

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rhamilton

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My SWMBO does the same thing, and it's 'her' house too. But she remembers where everything is -- and when I ask, she retrieves. Should she get hit by a train, I'd be up **** creek

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CreamyGoodness

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Easy there, tiger. I know folks whose first ROOMMATE outside of their parents was their spouse, maybe this is the case with Ty, I dont know. Also, say what you will about marriage and whether or not it is worth it or if it is any different, the court system in the United States makes it a lot less unpleasant to step away from a live-in sig other than it does leaving a spouse.

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PistolsAtDawn

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No offense intended, my friend, but that's not communication: that's just a question. I'm very frustrated when I have repeat situations where people don't learn when I expect them to, but that's life. Sometimes you just have to be pointed. Tell her that you don't care for it when she does these things and you would like her to stop moving your stuff. Communal things like saran wrap are going to be a bigger battle since that's clearly not just your stuff that she's moving.

Again, no offense intended, but that sort of behavior just makes the situation worse. You're being passive aggressive instead of just confronting the root problem. If you're smart, you'll unhide her stuff before she goes looking for it.

the_bird

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.... which is why it's so much smarter (IMO) to move in with your committed partner before getting married. Not speaking ill of marriage at all, but sure seems foolish to make a lifetime commitment to someone before you know if you really work together.

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Come join Yankee Ingenuity!

"I'm kind of toasted. But I looked at my watch and it's only 6:30 so I can't stop drinking yet." - Yooper's Bob
"Brown eye finally recovered after the abuse it endured in Ptown last weekend, but it took almost a full week." - Paulie
"no, he just doesn't speak 'stupid'. i, however, am fluent...." - motobrewer

JonM

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+1 to unhiding the stuff. She won't find her book in the fridge and then have a "Eureka!" moment where she realizes that she should stop misplacing your stuff. You're going to have to talk to her about this regardless of whether her stuff is hidden.

So you can have that talk with her pissed about you hiding her stuff, or not pissed. I'd unhide the stuff.

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TyTanium

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Any time two humans live together, there will be periods of not working well together.

Scenario:
Live together before to find out if you work well together. We do. Great! Let's get married. Things get tough. Dang, guess we were wrong, we don't really work well together. What happens then?

Commitment is not contingent on compatibility, IMO.

Sorry for the OT.

CreamyGoodness

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Agreed completely. From the sounds of it, though, Ty's situation has worked out in a way he is happy about, so he was just sharing his experience. It sounded to me like you thought he was preaching, and knowing him a little from his posts, I wanted to point out that I didnt think he was. For the record, I personally have been living with SWMBO for 3+ years and I'm marrying her next week...

Now that I'm done breathing into a paper bag...

OP, you are in for a world of hurt if you hide her stuff in retribution. It doesnt sound to me like you have a very stable relationship foundation that would allow for things like this. She hears you when you say "I dont like that you do X with my things" and she gets instantly defensive and accusatory. Whats going to happen is she is going to see your little lesson as an attack on her personally, and you are going to wind up on a friend's couch. Trust me, I've screwed up enough relationships to feel as if I am an authority when I say this.

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mcarb

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I disagree. Regarding communication , this is a daily event. I can't tell you how many times I have stated the fact that "I really wish you wouldn't just randomly assign new homes to things. Or if you do, please tell me."

I hid her dumbells in the freezer a couple of weeks ago. She knew exactly why and we discussed it. I stated that I felt she was hiding my **** for no reason and I was going to return the favor. If she is doing this to teach me a lesson about being a slob, then tell me. Otherwise, please think before you do this.

Now she can have a little reminder as to how irritating it is to search constantly for something you didn't lose. Like I said, this is a daily issue. One that she will never admit fault to even when it is pointed out that she moved something and didn't tell me (Saran wrap was my fault because I should have just known.)

Her stuff stays hidden until she acknowledges what she is doing is wrong or she stops doing it.

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TyTanium

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Thanks Creamy - not preaching, just sharing wisdom I've received from people who've had long, successful marriages. Not trying to start arguments, just trying to help think through implications.