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Home Brew Forums > Home Brewing Community > General Chit Chat > Girlfriend hides everything (need advice)
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Old 05-22-2012, 03:52 PM   #11
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Yikes, alarm bells are going off. She seems to be asserting her dominance over you and doesn't really want to merge her life with yours.

Either that or she has some sort of OCD. A good talk is in order.
I agree. I'm sort of OCD myself, and I always put things away. Always. Bob never puts anything away, and spends time looking for it.

But when people become couples, the adjustment is harder than most people think. I probably don't have great respect for Bob's junk, er, belongings like his 1973 Oakland A's hat he wore to one game. Or his GPS, since it's all the same to me.

But if he let me know that moving his stuff drove him crazy, then I'd do my best to restrain myself and not touch his stuff.

The thing is, if even ziploc bags and things are moved, either she's putting them where they go and you should take note- or she's nuts if she's changing the location all the time. There are people who move furniture and rearrange cabinets but Bob has let me know that he has trouble with the furniture rearranging, so I try not to do it.

He stays completely out of my brewery, and I stay out of his desk and his garage space.

We have a home office, with desks close to each other. My desk looks perfect at all times. His has piles of papers, batteries, notes, etc, and it looks a mess. I don't touch his, and he doesn't touch mine. Every person needs their own place to put their stuff, and if Bob leaves a screwdriver on the kitchen table (happens all the time), I put it away. It may not be in his desired location so if he actually wants to find it again, HE needs to put it away. It's not a game, though- I don't hide stuff. But as an organized neat freak, I simply can't abide stuff left all over.

Talk to her, and find out which it is. Maybe you're a slob and leave stuff all over, so she puts it "away". Or if you're not, and she's having trouble giving up her territory to you, then you can talk about it.
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Old 05-22-2012, 04:47 PM   #12
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Ok, a couple of things: I am a slob. That doesn't help matters as I tend to leave stuff everywhere. But then she finds the most random place to put it, and she doesn't seem to be doing it out of spite.

I do communicate with her. I think the phrase uttered most often in our house is "Honey, have you seen my...?"

Regarding the saran wrap, etc. I don't get it. One day she will just randomly decide to move the location of the cereal/ saran wrap/ item that I need. The new place is not any better, nor simpler to find.

The house is small and I honestly feel that the best approach is what cyclogenesis mentions. It is her house, and I squeeze into the tiny space she allows for me. We need to find a common ground and that means moving to a neutral house.

After I posted this thread, I tried to find my $180 custom earplug kit that I ordered last week because I am a musician and my ears are getting screwed. It's been sitting in the same spot for three days. Now it's gone.

When I ask her where it is (this goes for anything), it becomes an instantly defensive position of "I haven't seen it. Why would I move it (other than it seems to be what I do)?"

So now I am out 180 bucks and I have made a vow that I will never buy anything of value and that everything I own is disposable.

Her stuff stays hidden. Sorry, but this has got to stop. And right now, this is the only thing I can think of that will make her realize how irritating it is to have someone move your stuff. Right now, her book is the refrigerator, her favorite drink mix in a random drawer, her secret candy stash in the bottom drawer of her dresser and her cell phone is on the top shelf, where the cereal used to be.

If she put things in the same place, great. But it's always some random drawer or shelf that she has never placed anything on before. And she never bothers to tell me. I told her this morning, if she is going to touch anything of mine, please throw it in a pile in the backyard.

Things seem to be going downhill.

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Old 05-22-2012, 04:54 PM   #13
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You go from your space where all your stuff is and no one moves it to a place where two people have stuff. Things are gonna get misplaced. No way of avoiding it.

How about tell her "Honey, if you see something that you don't know what it is (I.e. mine) would you please ask me 'where would you like to store this?' before moving it? It's really frustrating to me when I can't find things."

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Old 05-22-2012, 04:58 PM   #14
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Can I go out on a limb and assume this is either your first cohabitation experience or at least your first in many years?

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Old 05-22-2012, 04:59 PM   #15
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She must be VERY hot if you can put up with that random crap.

Inquiring minds want to know.

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Old 05-22-2012, 05:00 PM   #16
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Things seem to be going downhill.
Boy, sure sounds like it. Gotta be weird living with a non-spouse.
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Old 05-22-2012, 05:03 PM   #17
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Oh, and straighten yourselves out before she decides to store rusty garden tools in your bottling bucket or some crazy crap like that.

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Old 05-22-2012, 05:04 PM   #18
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My wife does this. She moves stuff around sometimes to make space or clean up some clutter, and then I am left guessing where that stuff is. It's not that she's "asserting her dominance" or whatever. She does it to her own stuff, too, that she then has to dig around for days later. She's just trying to organize things in a way that doesn't really make any sense internally.

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Old 05-22-2012, 05:12 PM   #19
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Try hiding the salami a little more often.

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Old 05-22-2012, 05:20 PM   #20
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Hiding her **** isn't going to do anything but piss her off even more. It sure doesn't sound like she's unaware of what she's doing, it just sounds like she's doing it regardless.

Get as much good sex now as you can, because it sounds like this is going to end real badly in about two weeks.

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