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mosquitocontrol · 05-08-2009, 01:36 AM

So I needed to share my disappointment somewhere, due to lack of friends I can confide in regarding my issue. Just got word today from my boss that there is a 50/50 shot of getting a 3-4 month assignment in England this summer. Normally I would be stoked but I can't go so I will have to decline.

A couple things:
1. Lately I've been pretty stuck in a rut at work, very unsatisfying. Generally I don't get a feeling that I can get good at something, its all short random tasks. This would be a decent gig that would grow my network and pretty much get me out of my rut at work. Give me a different setting and some confidence in my job.
2. It would be very lucrative. Basically living for free, along with monthly "travel and cultural allowances". Free money telling you to enjoy yourself and travel Europe. How could you complain?
3. I've been side by side with my fiance for almost 5 years. He wouldn't be able to come because without a second job we couldn't pay the bills. It would be difficult to leave that long, but get paid 5 day weekend to go back to the states once a month.

But. I can't go because my fiance got a DUI last year and is on a restricted license through October. Please no yelling about how people should be punished for DUI's and all that ****. I know its serious and a mistake, but restricted license for a year is a bit harsh. So I can't leave because he would be here at home and can't go to the store, go to hang out with friends, anything. He would pretty much be completely isolated.

So I just needed to say whats going through my mind outloud. That's it.

silvervan83 · 05-08-2009, 01:51 AM

That really does suck... but I think there should be more options that just not going because of a DUI. What about having a buddy of his move in that has a license. That way he could do most of his hanging out at home and still have someone to give him a ride. Or he could just taxi and take public transport. Or even get a scooter or something (there's no shame in that).

And plus, think of how happy he will be once you get back.

mosquitocontrol · 05-08-2009, 01:52 AM

Its more he refuses to tell anyone. Along with I'm not allowed to tell anyone. I know he will just go to and from work, eat mcdonalds, and be completely miserable. That, or drive anyway and get caught and go to jail.

MikeFlynn74 · 05-08-2009, 01:54 AM

Uh- ok.

My thoughts- Go. The fiance can get a limited license to work and the store AFAIK.

And then you wont be resenting him for ruining an oppertunity because of a mistake he made.

silvervan83 · 05-08-2009, 01:54 AM

Like I said, Summer is coming soon........ Scooter.

histo320 · 05-08-2009, 02:00 AM

You need to do what is best for you. I've learned not to pass up on good opportunities Yeah it sucks but I am sure he can stick it out for 3-5 months, if you love him and he loves you things will work out.

If anything, invest in a bunch of brewing supplies and he can brew the entire time you are gone and when you come back, you got some freaking good beer...and a lot of it.

Good luck with the decision, it will all work out.

bluehouse · 05-08-2009, 02:19 AM

Ask yourself this, would he give up this opportunity if the roles were reverse, then ask would you want him to? I personally would not want my spouse giving up a great opportunity for me because I would feel that he would resent me in the long run.

**arturo7** · 05-08-2009, 02:29 AM

Disclosure: Of course I don't know any more about your situation than you have stated above. Keep that in mind. Also, I don't usually offer advice on the internets and you don't know me from Adam. But I gotta say something here.

Whether we like to admit it or not, our day jobs and careers have a huge impact on our personal well being and happiness.

You're stuck in a professional rut and you have a chance to get out of it? In the UK? For more money? Surely you beau understands this. He's not on board with it?

I'm not gonna say the guy is a selfish prick, only you would know that. Surely he can fend for himself?

Go. Don't even hesitate.

Worried about the consequences to the relationship? After 5 years I'd be worried that this sojourn is even an issue.

Edit: sorry if this come across a bit harsh

**BierMuncher** · 05-08-2009, 02:32 AM

Go. He'll manage if forced to do so somehow. Otherwise, it's something that you will hold onto for ever. He shouldn't let his pride take precedent over a one-in-a-lifetime opportunity for you.

Tell him to strap some on...tell a friend..and make arrangements.

double_e5 · 05-08-2009, 04:07 AM

Buy him a bike.