You say "sanitation aside", but that's the issue right there. Taping the probe to the side of the fermentation vessel, insulated from the air temperature with some kind of foam, will report temperatures as accurately as you need, without any added possibility of infection.
Primary: 1 gallon (maybe-) Infected Vienna-Simcoe SMaSH - S-04
Bottled: RIS (黑墨), Caramel Amber Ale (阳伞), Red Tea Wheat (红云之东), 1 gallon corrupted Vienna-Simcoe SMaSH - WF3 yeast and Calypso dry-hop, 米酒 (rice wine)
Coming Up: IPA, Saison, The Lukewarm, The Pious