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Old 10-17-2012, 07:51 PM   #181
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Originally Posted by Brewmech View Post
Here's a good one...

I made up a bunch of beer to serve at a charity event in town. We took the mobile kegerator and were serving beers out of the side. We got there a little late and were in a bad spot. There was a Bud/Bud lite truck there and the lone was about 25 people deep. No one was coming over to us. So I walked over and yelled (it was loud), "Hand crafted brew over here! The line is short!". Immediately about 2/3 of the line left and came over and we started serving beers. It was great and people had all sorts of misconceptions. Word got around that the good beer was here and my amber ale was being described as "like amber bock but, really damn good". We had an IPA and a stout as well. The IPA wasn't as popular for the BMCers, but the stout and amber was going fast. The comparisons to Amber Bock made me cringe, but the people loved the beer so I was happy.

Then Billy came...

Billy was a red neck (most of them were - me too) He was wearing a Dale Jr long sleeve T-shirt with Budweiser written on it down each sleeve, across the chest, on the back and just about everywhere you could possibly fit it on the shirt. He was a walking bill board for Budweiser. Billy was interested in why we went through all the trouble to brew this beer when there are perfectly good beers on the shelves just about everywhere. Billy proclaimed that he drinks about a 12 pack of Budweiser just about every day, I'd believe it too. But, he was a good sport, he had a Budweiser in his hand. He said, "You know, Budweiser is like a fine woman (makes big boobs gestures with hands). When you have a fine woman, you don't cheat on her, you don't hit her or be mean to her. You caress her (he caresses the plastic cup), you love her, and you treat her right (takes a long sip and smiles)."

Then he says, "but I'm a good sport, what do you recommend I try?" I recommended the amber. He said, "Naw, amber bock gives me the farts, I'll try the stout." Billy, now holding a pint of stout and his half finished Budweiser, starts to drink the stout. "Say, this is pretty good!" He lingered around and kept coming back to the stout tap, but he didn't put down his budweiser. After about 10 minutes he set the Budweiser on the fender and was just drinking my stout. After his 3rd pint in over an hour he came back and telling everyone how good the stout was and that it was a damn good beer! Then he comes up to me and says, "You know, sometimes you get tired of that old woman and you gotta find a new one with better tits. I think I'm ready to kick that old hag to the curb and get me a new woman, pour me another pint!"

I had converted a die hard redneck. My mission in life is complete.
This is probably the winner. Great storyteller you are, too.
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Open log Fermenting and gas-can secondary?? I am planning my next brew right now!!
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Old 10-17-2012, 07:55 PM   #182
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Brewmech View Post
Here's a good one...

I made up a bunch of beer to serve at a charity event in town. We took the mobile kegerator and were serving beers out of the side. We got there a little late and were in a bad spot. There was a Bud/Bud lite truck there and the lone was about 25 people deep. No one was coming over to us. So I walked over and yelled (it was loud), "Hand crafted brew over here! The line is short!". Immediately about 2/3 of the line left and came over and we started serving beers. It was great and people had all sorts of misconceptions. Word got around that the good beer was here and my amber ale was being described as "like amber bock but, really damn good". We had an IPA and a stout as well. The IPA wasn't as popular for the BMCers, but the stout and amber was going fast. The comparisons to Amber Bock made me cringe, but the people loved the beer so I was happy.

Then Billy came...

Billy was a red neck (most of them were - me too) He was wearing a Dale Jr long sleeve T-shirt with Budweiser written on it down each sleeve, across the chest, on the back and just about everywhere you could possibly fit it on the shirt. He was a walking bill board for Budweiser. Billy was interested in why we went through all the trouble to brew this beer when there are perfectly good beers on the shelves just about everywhere. Billy proclaimed that he drinks about a 12 pack of Budweiser just about every day, I'd believe it too. But, he was a good sport, he had a Budweiser in his hand. He said, "You know, Budweiser is like a fine woman (makes big boobs gestures with hands). When you have a fine woman, you don't cheat on her, you don't hit her or be mean to her. You caress her (he caresses the plastic cup), you love her, and you treat her right (takes a long sip and smiles)."

Then he says, "but I'm a good sport, what do you recommend I try?" I recommended the amber. He said, "Naw, amber bock gives me the farts, I'll try the stout." Billy, now holding a pint of stout and his half finished Budweiser, starts to drink the stout. "Say, this is pretty good!" He lingered around and kept coming back to the stout tap, but he didn't put down his budweiser. After about 10 minutes he set the Budweiser on the fender and was just drinking my stout. After his 3rd pint in over an hour he came back and telling everyone how good the stout was and that it was a damn good beer! Then he comes up to me and says, "You know, sometimes you get tired of that old woman and you gotta find a new one with better tits. I think I'm ready to kick that old hag to the curb and get me a new woman, pour me another pint!"

I had converted a die hard redneck. My mission in life is complete.


This story is full of so much win!
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Old 10-17-2012, 08:03 PM   #183
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Why do people always ask if we brew Guinness?

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Old 10-17-2012, 08:13 PM   #184
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"But the lacing!!!!!! JUST LOOK AT THE LACING and that head!"


OH, AND THE LACING!

thanks TSA

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Old 10-17-2012, 08:20 PM   #185
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I was visiting a brewery in western North Carolina called Pisgah brewing company.
They have a sweet bar there and an outside patio area, amongst other things.
My wife and I were sitting outside having a few beers. They had planted a few hop rhizomes, and they had grown to about 10 feet tall.
I'm pretty sure one of the employees had just planted them there for fun, & not for use in the brewery, but who knows.
All of a sudden, a brewery tour ended and a door opens to the patio and a group of 10 emerge, led by the man himself.
We called him John-Ralphio (if you've ever seen parks and recreation). He was the perfect blend of frat daddy & king duche (albeit not a rare blend).
He brings his group over to the hop plants and starts explaining to them how he has done extensive research on growing hops.
He had this theory on latitude & longitude that makes a certain 10 acres in Western North Carolina a hotbed for growing hops.
And as it just turns out, his parents had bought him the property, and he had plans for a large scale hop farm.
Interestingly, as flawed as his theories were (more or less pre-fabricated lies), he actually knew a few hop varieties.

Later on in the afternoon, I found myself waiting at the bar right next to him. I mentioned that I overheard his plans to grow hops.
He kind of muttered under his breath something like, "yeah, but I'm too cool to talk to you about it".
I asked him if he had ever been to the pacific northwest. He said yes, but it was way too rainy there to do any good growing hops.
Still haven't heard anything in the brewer news about John Ralphios hop farm.

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Old 10-17-2012, 08:26 PM   #186
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Indeed Brewmech wins the interwebs today.

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Old 10-17-2012, 08:33 PM   #187
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Grannyknot View Post
I was visiting a brewery in western North Carolina called Pisgah brewing company.
They have a sweet bar there and an outside patio area, amongst other things.
My wife and I were sitting outside having a few beers. They had planted a few hop rhizomes, and they had grown to about 10 feet tall.
I'm pretty sure one of the employees had just planted them there for fun, & not for use in the brewery, but who knows.
All of a sudden, a brewery tour ended and a door opens to the patio and a group of 10 emerge, led by the man himself.
We called him John-Ralphio (if you've ever seen parks and recreation). He was the perfect blend of frat daddy & king duche (albeit not a rare blend).
He brings his group over to the hop plants and starts explaining to them how he has done extensive research on growing hops.
He had this theory on latitude & longitude that makes a certain 10 acres in Western North Carolina a hotbed for growing hops.
And as it just turns out, his parents had bought him the property, and he had plans for a large scale hop farm.
Interestingly, as flawed as his theories were (more or less pre-fabricated lies), he actually knew a few hop varieties.

Later on in the afternoon, I found myself waiting at the bar right next to him. I mentioned that I overheard his plans to grow hops.
He kind of muttered under his breath something like, "yeah, but I'm too cool to talk to you about it".
I asked him if he had ever been to the pacific northwest. He said yes, but it was way too rainy there to do any good growing hops.
Still haven't heard anything in the brewer news about John Ralphios hop farm.
Not sure how you didn't tell him that most of US hops are grown there...I mean, guy has Google, right? I would have to correct him. Just can't let egregious lies go on.
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Originally Posted by davekippen View Post
Open log Fermenting and gas-can secondary?? I am planning my next brew right now!!
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Old 10-17-2012, 08:41 PM   #188
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Not sure how you didn't tell him that most of US hops are grown there...I mean, guy has Google, right? I would have to correct him. Just can't let egregious lies go on.
I did the rest of the world a favor.
I thought he could bring humor to more peoples lives if I left him alone.
He was way above taking advice or info from me anyway.
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Old 10-17-2012, 10:06 PM   #189
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I did the rest of the world a favor.
I thought he could bring humor to more peoples lives if I left him alone.
He was way above taking advice or info from me anyway.
Here's the real question...how was his beer?
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Old 10-18-2012, 01:06 AM   #190
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Quote:
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Here's the real question...how was his beer?
Probably asking if it's ruined.
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