In case anybody finds this, I'll follow up;
The beer never got below 1.020, and it tasted malty sweet 2 weeks after bottle. It's now been rougly 6 weeks since then and the taste has changed for the better dramatically. It's now perfectly carb'd and the malty sweetness may have slowly attenuated more because it's barely detectable. It has evolved to a decently drinkable beer. Sitting in my dark basement at ~52F.
I don't recommend this kit, but I will say it has proven to me as a new brewer the power of time and aging on the flavor of your beer.